[fischermans]

Hello all
I want to paint a picture of the feelings you have because trying to find your own life.I´m not sure for the verse 3. Please give me your advise.
1) I try to swim
through  a sea of tears
to reach my own life
but it disappears
in my dreams
about a foreign world
I have had no wings to fly
I have had to swim or die

Refrain: No more bewail from all this broken hearts
no more tears falling down from the sky above
no more reasons to scream or to cry
never forget to live before you die

2) I tried to fill up my heart
with love and peace
to find my way
in this labyrinth of life
no matter how long it would be
not asking how hard it could hurt
no matter how high I must climb
onto this tree of life

Refrain: No more bewail from all this broken hearts ....

3) I pray to god
for a chance to take
I whish I had asked
for forgiveness
I pray each day and each night
I have prayed each year I lost behind
I pray with each song that I write
I still pray I still fight

Refrain: No more bewail from all this broken hearts ....

Hope you like it and thanks
Alexander

[Jess]

Firstly, I'm a little confused with the rhyming pattern in the verses- were you aware that it varies? Maybe it's just me, or how you intended it to read, but I find it slightly confusing when there isn't a consistent pattern.
On a higher note, I like the chorus, (even though I don't know what bewail means) especially the last line and the first verse is pretty good. I get what you mean about verse 3- I'm pretty unsure on it too. Maybe it could be turned into a bridge opposed to a verse?
Anyway, although I don't think this is your best set of lyrics, I still like them and hope my comments help

[fischermans]

Firstly, I'm a little confused with the rhyming pattern in the verses- were you aware that it varies? Maybe it's just me, or how you intended it to read, but I find it slightly confusing when there isn't a consistent pattern.
On a higher note, I like the chorus, (even though I don't know what bewail means) especially the last line and the first verse is pretty good. I get what you mean about verse 3- I'm pretty unsure on it too. Maybe it could be turned into a bridge opposed to a verse?
Anyway, although I don't think this is your best set of lyrics, I still like them and hope my comments help

Hello Jess
Thanks for your help.
I still have a melody and the rhyming pattern works well believe me.
bewail = regret
I have to go into an in fight with verse 3
Alexander

[fischermans]

Song is online with new name.
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/'no-more-bewail'-new-song-please-tell-me-your-meanings/
Alexander

[benjo]

 hi there fischermans,
 hope this is a good thing because i agree with everything jess said
 never heard or read the word bewail before
 but it's always nice to see people working with words that jump out at you
 and are different,  some great lyrics there
     
                            all the very best with it any way