The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on July 06, 2018, 04:18:20 PM
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Hello songwriter forum,
I’ve wanted to get involved with the forum for some time but have to say that has been very difficult. I’ve had a tough year settling in the northwest and still feel that I have some distance to go.
I have a beautiful cover version of tone’s song “Killing is my business” and hope to one day share it once I’ve put the finishing touches to it and sent it on to tone for approval.
I have a million ideas floating around my head but have too many obstacles in my life at present to make them a reality.
Anyway, I wanted to share a song called “The Boy From Mars” that has lived on my hard drive for too long. It equires a new vocal and also backing. I guess it’s time for this song to see the light of day.
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/the-boy-from-mars
The Boy From Mars
I’ve got a picture in my wallet of the guy I used to be.
How I love that he beat the odds.
He looked ahead and smiled.
He said “I’m checking out, I can’t see blue skies here for miles."
Life came swiftly, he carried the scars.
You must have noticed the boy from mars.
He tried to change the pattern, the fickle hand of fate.
Fate is known for it’s certainty.
He looked ahead and smiled.
He said “I’m checking out, I can’t see blue skies here for miles"
Life came swiftly, he carried the scars.
You must have noticed the boy from mars, from mars.
Grief can change how you view the world.
It can make a good man bitter.
Is there no-one who can save me?
I’ve fallen further than the stars.
He looked ahead and smiled.
He said “I’m checking out, I can’t see blue skies here for miles."
Life came swiftly, he carried the scars.
You must have noticed the boy from mars.
Written by Paul Vasey
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/the-boy-from-mars
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listening now. you know from the title people r gonna compare this to Ash. Girl from Mars. your song is better.
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Girl from Mars was my first thought as well Paul. A great piece. Eerie and atmospheric with the trademark Wicked Deeds vocals. Some lovely little piano touches and I particularly liked it when the heavier guitars kicked in. Quality as usual man :)
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Hi Paul
Great to hear a new one from you!
I really loved the production on this which is top notch. I am not one for analysing lyrics, all I can say is that they create a wonderful atmosphere in a genre which is right up my street. The piano is particularly pretty and used sparingly to lift it to another level entirely. I just love your vocal delivery on this one. Such a great piece of music.
I've listened through twice now and I tell you - this is a class piece.
Bill
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This is the best thing I've heard in a while
Very good, it had my undivided attention the whole way through.
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This sounds like a self 8)
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Hi Paul.
great performance and production, sounds real pro, I enjoyed the song too, reminded me a lot of Deacon blue, with a few Bowie style piano bits, I thought the chorus would have been lifted with some backing vocals but thats just my thoughts, a great song mate, well done.
Cheers, Mikey
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Hi,
This is a quite good song. I like the melody and the feeling of the song. Also the piano is great.
Good stuff!
refusedrevival
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Yo Paul.
I love songs which are airy and leave space in the music. It allows the listener to contemplate and time to enjoy a restful experience for the ears.
Lovely work and greatly enjoyed. :)
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I really love the vocal, lovely intimate quality to the voice, I love softly sung songs. Nice intro and great spacious production - the vocal melody is nicely varied and carries you along the tune. Good job, no crits from me.
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It's wonderful for me to drop into the forum after quite a lengthy absence and receive such heart warming comments about one of my songs. I can't make a full return to this platform yet as there's are so many other things happening in my life at the moment. however, I didn't want to lose touch with this wonderful place and so I took a chance on posting.
'The Boy From Mars' was written many years ago and is one of a number of songs that have been awaiting their time to be unveiled.
I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone. The forum is very much like home to me. I'm bound to return with a whole new collection of songs and productions in the future.
Thank you
Paul
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I like the mood of this, and in particular the understated but catchy chorus. Lots of delicately controlled instrumentation and your vocal sound is quite unique and contemporary. Enjoyed it, good song!
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I'm listening as I write. I like it. I don't hear anything wrong with it. Maybe clean up some of the breaths on the vocals. Turn your mouth slightly away from the mic when you inhale. You also might be a smidge too close. Are you using a pop filter?
I like the vibe and lyrics. The music sounds good.
As for not working because of obstacles, I hope you can figure out a way around them, because it's a real shame that they're holding you back. Good luck!
Lynn
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I knew I'd like this as soon as I heard it - your voice is great - just a bit different - interesting - I think it will grow on me as well
Well done
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The response to this song really has been quite a surprise to me. All of my songs are really autobiographical. There's always a significant part of my thoughts and feelings evident in my writing. This song has been so well received and I am very grateful for that.
Thank you
Paul
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Very nice, lovely relaxed vibe that lets the song happen to you.
Reminds me of Prefab Sprout, which is of course a great thing.
If I was to make a suggestion I would have a little less busyness in the drums on the chorus.
Really like this one tho, super work. :)
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Hi a nice song - well sung - it’s not something that I would listen to again - not my thing - but I appreciate the production side - didn’t have enough variety for me
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Good job Paul
I love the production on this and your vox are superb as usual.
Lyrics a bit opaque for me but the hook is great and well respected/delivered.
You still got it my man! ;D ;D
Paul
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It’s a gorgeous song mate! I REALLY enjoyed my listens. The music is beautiful and that piano just hit the spot for me.
I think you sound great vocally mate! All I think this needs is some backing Vox in places, harmonies etc
Thanks for sharing it man!! ;D