The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: montydog on May 09, 2018, 04:53:15 PM
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Hi Peeps,
Here's another new one from me. I'm trying to experiment with different styles and genres and I had the sound of this in my head from early on. I wanted to re-create that late 60's black/white, country/soul thing going on in Memphis with Stax and in Muscle Shoals with Rick Hall. I don't know whether I've succeeded so would be grateful for any comments. Thanks to Boydie who beautifully mastered my final producer's mix.
M
https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/bad-luck
Without all this bad luck
I'd have no luck at all
Cards cast to the 4 winds
And watch how they fall
Watch them fall
I put it all on a diamond
But it came up spades
Pretty red painted pony
That time will fade
It always fades
Somebody told me
A long time ago
The wounds that hurt worse
Are the ones that don't show
The ones that don't show
There's a bar in New Orleans
By the waterside
I'll have a drink there tomorrow
If I'm still alive
If I'm still alive
Tell me your troubles
I'll tell you mine
It's all the same
At the end of the line
End of the line
Roll the dice one more time
Lady Luck has run away
I watched her disappear from view
I could not make her stay
There's a girl in my dreaming
That I left behind
She's as sweet as honey
But I was too blind
I was too blind
Made mistakes on my journey
But what have I learned
You put your hand in the fire
You'll get your fingers burned
Get them burned
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Yo Alan.
I'm familiar with this one from your 'Bridges' album.
It's a lovely,lazy,slow burner of a song. Sweet guitar coming in around 1.23. Very nicely played.
It's cool you are trying out new genres,it all serves to keep the interest and teach the dawg new tricks. It's also cool that your own musicality shines through regardless of the style.
Love the little change around 2.47.
Preach it,brother Alan. 8)
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You've got the sound sorted for sure Alan. Cool vibe. A sort of Rolling stones memphis feel
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Hey there Montydog...Wow...to me this is reminiscent of the Grateful Dead...with a feel that's earthy and real!
I like this rendition.....there is so much that can be done with this ( and this is a testament to the writing).
I'm in the same camp as you.....trying to do something different...trying to stay alive. Gotta keep the inspiration active.
Good stuff.......and so nice to see you still here at the site!!
8)-Tom
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Great job on this one Alan! I love the feel of it. I don’t really know the bands that you mentioned (earliest I go is Kylie & Jason!! ;D ) but the music does sound great and old fashioned. I love the solo! Lovely singing as always & I like the (doubling?) effect you put on the chorus. I might have messed with the vocal a bit more actually, as perhaps it sounds too lovely and upfront (modern) for the old vibe you’re going for. :D
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Hi Alan this is lovely - don't know why but I have me butterflies in my tummy listening to it - it feels like a 60s type song -
Don't know why I came thinking. Of Desmond decker and that type of band - the stuff that influenced two- tone - early ska - type song - probably talking rubbish but a great song - really like it - I think your voice is amazing reallly well sang
Well done Katie xxx
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Your voice is always so smooth. Enjoyable listen. I'm not sure I would have thought Memphis if I didn't know that was your intent, but I don't think that matters because it's a good song. Very pretty.
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Hi Monty. FAB song and very enjoyable.listen. I don't think you quite hit your own brief. Your sound is definitely evocative of the 60s but it's more psychedelic than soul. Reminiscent of Soft Machine for me. A good thing. I love the subtle slacker vibe coming through again.
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Really nice piece this one.
The lyrics are a treat. I especially like the voice,
Some eccentric twists that give the persona something tangible.
somehow reminded me of Bryan Ferry on a good day.
Well done.
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Hi,
I like the organ sound, good 60's/70's feel. There is a good solo at 1:24 but otherwise the song needs much more variation. Maybe two or three verses too much.
Production: The sound of hihat makes me crazy, the sound is so bright, sharp and too up in the mix.
refusedrevival
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Very nice - even the snare sounds very 60s.
It was more atmospheric than attention-grabbing: I think I might have arranged the chorus a bit differently to make it stand out a little more, maybe keeping back the guitar from at least some of the verses? In any event, a successful experiment I think!
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Hi,
I like the organ sound, good 60's/70's feel. There is a good solo at 1:24 but otherwise the song needs much more variation. Maybe two or three verses too much.
Production: The sound of hihat makes me crazy, the sound is so bright, sharp and too up in the mix.
refusedrevival
Hi,
Taking three verses out would have left only 2 and then 2 choruses and 2 bridges - it wouldn't work. There are 3 separate parts to the song and the instrumental (how much variation do you need?) -your focus on the hihat is weird - no one else has mentioned it so I think this is your problem. Your feedback is great but you seem to be at odds with everyone else. The song is the most important thing here, not the sound of the hihat!" I will stop there.
M
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Hi montydog - interesting mix of influences here. I can hear the 60's soul and the bluesy Memphis vibe but it takes a bit of getting used to to hear your smooth vocals mixed with it. By the end all was cool and I really enjoyed the song. Nice to see you experimenting to find new paths ;D ;D
Paul
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You've got some of the nice touches...the guitar fills especially sound right for the genre you're aiming at. Guitar stabs are something I'm very fond of. The organ is also a good sound here. I'm guessing maybe the other poster means that the continuous open hihat sound, or whatever it is, is a bit much in the verses. OK to come in with them for the intro but then drop to closed hihat for verses then open hats for the chorus maybe. Your song...do what you like!
Strange though it might be for me of all people to have anything to say about the vocal, I don't know if your voice suits that well here. Those smooth tones aren't very soulful for me and don't convey the 'bad luck' that we're supposed to be feeling. Now I wasn't expecting Percy Sledge....though that would be nice! It all sounds very smooth (as you do) but I think we want to hear some breaking up...some deeper emotion.
Although you do have some variation in the parts the overall feel doesn't go up or down much...I guess that's what the other poster means. The verses are my favourite part and feel right. The chorus doesn't lift the feeling where we'd expect the singer to reach the peak of his angst...his 'bad luck'....and the bridge is OK but....
This is only my opinion of course and may be at odds with what everybody else thinks and therefore wrong....very hard to be critical when you have already decided yourself to get it mastered so are obviously happy with it.
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Like PJ I also got a Stones vibe from this.
Impactful first 2 lines in particular I thought. Lyrically a lot of your other stuff is so packed full of original poetic imagery it takes me to far off places ... this one didn't really do that for me as the gambling metaphors are maybe a bit more familiar (e.g. 'Tumbling Dice'... maybe that's where I got the Stones vibe from in fact...). As you've said though, you were aiming to recreate a particular vibe rather than something left field and I think you've done that really well.
And I dig the organ.
A successful experiment I'd say.
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Hi montytog,
Great quality of a song. I loved the drums quality and how well and clear your vocal sits on top of that going along with organ.
Thank you for sharing your work with us.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Alan,
nice one, I like that style and likening your vocals.
Confident in ita rootstness, if there is such a word.
:)
neil