The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: finestrat on November 25, 2017, 10:19:16 AM
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I wrote this just before last Christmas, it still rings pretty true today.
Never really intended to put this to music.
Alternative Christmas Song
Christmas time is here again
Peace and love, goodwill to men
Robin's peer from Christmas cards
While children bleed from shrapnell shards.
Tents are massing on the borders
Police use tear gas follow orders
Children scream eyes stream
Pass the pudding brandy cream
Haunted faces in HD
Peer out as we eat turkey
Its not our fault, we're not to blame
We turn it off in guilt and shame
As we're carving kids are starving
As we're shopping bombs are dropping
Knowing all the while its true
Happy birthday dear Jesus happy birthday to you
Copyright: Finestrat December 2016
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I love this...it’s fantastic.
I would love to hear it up to its giblets in a syrupy, festive tune like an IED in an Xmas stocking.
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Thanks Paul, glad you like it.
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I think it certainly rings true today.
Enjoyed the read finestrat and it's a great last verse,
Tom.
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Thanks Tom
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Hey!
Some of this works for me, some of it doesn't. I like where it's coming from, i think we can all relate to that. First verse is good, second needs work. Third verse also needs work, sounds forced. Fourth, kicks off with a couple of powerful lines, but the last two let them down. Your heart was in the right place when you wrote this bud, and although it's good, can't help feeling it could have been something special with a little more thought.
Vintage54
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@Vintage54
Yes I think you're right, I could have made it a lot more powerful if I'd spent some time on it. As I said, I never really thought of it as a song, a bit too controversial.
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Excruciatingly real and valid.