The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: mickyplankton on November 02, 2017, 11:42:17 PM
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Hey Forum Friends.
Heres one weve been working on for a while now. Clocking in at exactly 3 minutes, this is a big song for us. Its intended to be a hard rocking, lyrically expansive crowd energizer, Potential album opener and single. (hey we can all dream right?)
Here it is:
*******EDIT 21st Nov, following MontyDog and JamBrains feedback********
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/backs-against-the-wall-3
Lyrics:
There is nothing in the desert and no man needs nothing
Your animal life is over and machine life has begun
Umbilical cords cut and the ions flow in
Now we’ve got the Fat Man and Little Boy
The West is madder than a cut snake
Backed into a corner, make no mistake
No amount of rope-a-dope, Mohammad Ali
Is going to stop Europa, Europa Days
Days in Europe, tainted glory!
There, they said, that’s the story
Europa days, gone for good
Not going back, even if we could
Acting like our backs against the wall
Cornered animal, dangerous, snarling
Backed up against the wall
Nowhere to run, and following charlatans
Lions led by lambs, sheep misguided
Soon the we will have the bill to pay
Proles led by fakirs’, lemmings excited
As we hark back to our indeterminable Europa Days
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What's not to like?
Great energy, love that guitar riff and lots of emotion in the vocals.
OK maybe the lyrics would be hard to sing-along but still a lot of fun to listen. ;D ;D
Paul
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Rock n roll is an angry medium, man, and society's appetite for an angry message they can shout from their sofas and Bimmers has reached an all time high.
Dude this has real energy and aggression, and hey that soaring melody is real fist pumping action.
Couldn't quite work out how much of this message was negative and how much positive?
The lyric read -ve, but the music was incredibly +ve. Man you're giving every one what they want here.
Top stuff, dude.
WTF, glad I dont drive a Bimmer, I just punched a dent in the roof.
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Hey!
I liked the new-wave style lead riff in this: nice and simple, rhythmic.
The vocals sounded quite Mark E Smith - intentionally lo-fi if you know what I mean. If that was the intention, it works... maybe a little hard to discern if you don't have the lyric sheet, but if you want a semi-distorted dystopian brain dump, I'm with you man!
Loads of energy here To me it reads like a well formed piece of bounce-along Brexit-informed rage.
Thumbs up.
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Love this one Micky, bags of attitude, touches of Mark E Smith in the vocals and The Clash as well. It's an anthem that I can imagine going down so well live. I can almost smell the sweat and beer. Personally think that this is one of the best things that you've done. Would love to see you guys live. Cracking job :)
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I like this Micky and with a I think it could serve the purpose for which it's intended.
In terms of listening to it in recorded form I think it could be enhanced with a bit of production to give everything more presence and depth.
This isn't meant as a criticism, I just think it could have a really big sound. As an example of what I mean, if you listen to a live cover of 'The final countdown' by Europe on you tube or somewhere, you'll usually notice that no matter how well they've matched the sounds up, particularly with the synth it never really has the power and depth that you hear on the recorded original.
I think a bit of processing could do a lot to make this big.
Just my thoughts.
Yodasdad
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Hi Micky
First off...I love the riff and the whole vibe of the intro...kicks you in the knackers right at the start. I think the vocals could maybe use a little more sympathetic processing...I think the whole performance is excellent and the band sounds like they’re on fire...and loving it. The lyrics and the sentiment behind them is brilliant...and a little extra work on production here and there would be worth considering...the material is definitely high enough quality to warrant further polishing. I don’t want that to sound negative, cos it’s excellent already...
It’s a great song!
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Great riffy intro. New wave edge. Synths very cool. Bags of bounce. Clever lyrics and melody. Chorus kicks in, tying it all together. Whats not to like! And if I were a crowd, Id be pleased. ☺
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Powerful song with lots of energy and liked the intro, is the distortion on the vocal intentional? :) :)
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Yo Micky
It's a kick ass track for sure,I love the infectious energy throughout. It'll be a great live track as it is.
The vocal sounds detached from the song,almost like it was recorded as an after thought,if it were down to me I'd want to make the vocals a more integral part of the song to emphasize and punch home the message.
To my ears,it's a fine song,but needs a sympathetic mix.
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Hi Everyone, Thanks for your feedback.
Im glad you all enjoyed it. And for those who commented on the production/vocals, Skub, Paul Ads and Yodas Dad. ive taken all this on board and made the following changes.
1. Vocals: I actually had made a very basic production error in the first version!!!! - i had mistakenly included an earlier vocal take in the final mix! So this was a fairly quick amend. I removed it, but retained a couple of lines and reused them as backing in the climax/outro. So hopefully the production will feel slightly less muddy now.
2. Guitars. I slightly lowered (in the mix) the additional guitars that kick in just before the 2nd verse. But added another so that section is a bit more textured
3. Outro - i included backing vocals (from the earlier vocal take) and changed the bass note slightly at the climax so its more offset against the guitar.
These are all minor modifications but hopefully the song is marginally better because of it. Here it is
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/backs-against-the-wall-2
Thanks all!!!!
Micky,
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Love it - Feels like i'm at a gig.
Great Sound - Its right up my Street.
(I'd love to do some vocals on one of your tracks sometime)
As for the lyrics - you are well ahead of the curve if read them correct ;)
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Hi,
Killer riff chaps! I have to say that the production/mix sounds terrible to my ears. It's very muddy and indistinct, the vocals don't sit well and I don't like the distorted effect. I have listened to both versions and I think the whole thing needs to be remixed from scratch. Maybe ask someone on here to have a go - there are some very talented techie types who excel at such things. I don't think the song has a chance sounding as it does. Sorry ;_(
M
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Hey Micky
Well you're intro's got me pumped before reading or listening! :D :D
Cool lyrics, I love all the negatives used in the opening line especially and "The West is madder than a cut snake" too.
Nice easily-recognasable riff to potentially start your album - always good to have something a listner can be like "Wooo it's these" to! xD
Full of attitude and energy which is a Micky guarantee by now and always thoroughly enjoyed.
Feels a shame it's an enjoyable listen but I can imagine it barely doing justice to listening to you guys live; must be unreal!
Would maybe suggest a little more light/shade but considering you've mentioned it as an album-opener, I may redact that suggestion as a nice consistently heavy song in the bigger-picture could really serve as a wake-up to any listeners.
Looking forward to hearing more.
All the best,
Scott.
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Great song, nice riff and good energy but pretty much with Monty re production (unless that is the sound you were going for, still did not cut it for me).
Drop me (Jambrains) a line if you would like me to give it a go, I'm not saying my mix would be better but it would at least different :)
/JB
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Hi,
Killer riff chaps! I have to say that the production/mix sounds terrible to my ears. It's very muddy and indistinct, the vocals don't sit well and I don't like the distorted effect. I have listened to both versions and I think the whole thing needs to be remixed from scratch. Maybe ask someone on here to have a go - there are some very talented techie types who excel at such things. I don't think the song has a chance sounding as it does. Sorry ;_(
M
Hey MontyDog. Really appreciate honest raw feedback. Ive had a long think after this post and decided to remix and reboot as best i can. Ive completely removed the synth as i felt that was competing with the bass and contributing to the muddy effect. I also toned down reverb and echo on the vocals. Any distortion now is down to the microphone at the time of recording, no artificial effects. Ive also re recorded the whole bass line too just for the heck of it too. slightly different notation now.
heres the new mix.
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/backs-against-the-wall-3
Great song, nice riff and good energy but pretty much with Monty re production (unless that is the sound you were going for, still did not cut it for me).
Drop me (Jambrains) a line if you would like me to give it a go, I'm not saying my mix would be better but it would at least different :)
/JB
JB really appreciate the offer. Pompey has also offered to remix one of my songs. Unfortunately i dont currently know how to extract files and send them to you via Garageband (my DAW) so that option is not available in the short term. However if you are inclined, listen to my own remix and i would appreciate if you can discern if its any better. Thanks all.
Micky
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Hi Micky...on Mac...if you control-click on the GarageBand project (xyz.band) and select "show package contents" then go to the "media" then "audio files" folder - all your tracks should be there...then you can copy them into another folder and share them with dropbox or one drive or whatever...
I had a couple of listens and it's improved quite a bit...you're getting there, but I think maybe the vocal recording might still need looking at...I still really like the song!
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This is much improved mix wise Micky. I love this song and it's really coming together. Vocals a bit more clearer and up front maybe to give it that Clash "in yer face" feel :)
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Only listened to v3 and the riff is the star, with the general 70s / 80s style energy coming next.
It does still sound a bit "mono" to me - could be my system. I also needed the lyrics in front of me (though that also has to do with the genre and so not a super massive problem).
The vocals aren't studio-sounding - but they are live-sounding and I think that actually really suits what's going on here. Seriously I think you could stick on some crowd noise and say "recorded live at the [insert punky venue of choice]" and it would work (don't ask me how to do this convincingly, though!). Just a thought.
Whatever, it's definitely fun to listen to - good music I would say.
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Micky, good energy took me back to about 1978, which is good thing.
:)
neil