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Winter 1982 - So Slow

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Winter1982

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    • Winter1982
« on: September 14, 2014, 04:02:15 PM »
Hey all.

Apologies if this finds itself in the wrong category, it is a finished song, but it isn't properly recorded and I'd love your input regarding how I might use arrangement to bring out the best in it. But it's finished in the sense that this is how it's played live and I'm happy with it lyrically and structurally. I think, haha. I'm quite pleased with this one. Sorry about the poor recording.

https://soundcloud.com/winter1982band/so-slow-3/s-fENrr

I've done more harm than good
I've seen more hurt than I should
I'll only tell the night
I'll only tell the night

My heart skips and it slows
I think maybe it knows
I'm fundementally flawed
The show without the applause

It goes, so slow, so slow

Pray for a quiet mind
So wilfully left behind
See, I'm fundementally flawed
The pain without the reward

Snow so cold that it stings
The wind it blows and it sings
On a day so dark it's like night
She comes and whispers light

She sings, so slow, so slow
So slow, so slow
She shows me the sun in the sky
It's gone in the blink of an eye

« Last Edit: September 14, 2014, 10:24:55 PM by Winter1982 »
winter1982.bandcamp.com

Sam Solar

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« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2014, 09:06:22 PM »
Beautiful lyrics and vocals, really amazing voice you've got there! The only thing i would suggest would be making the guitar a little bit more promenant, but it still sounds gorgeous
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beckylucythomas

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« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2014, 10:14:56 PM »
I love those lyrics! The fundamentally flawed / show without applause / pain without reward.... That's good that is! And a day so dark it's like night / she comes and she whispers light.... So niiiice!!! You're so good at writing these simple but perfectly formed lyrics.

Ok..... ideas for arrangement...........

it sounds so nice as it is....

uhhhmmm... maybe a bit of fiddle could complement it nicely - a little short solo immediately after your first "so slow, so slow"

i thought you could pause more on those bits, and really pare the guitar back so that it really underlines the so slow thing... and maybe you could have some other voices there doing some low humming or something...

Maybe you could explore some more dynamics with your lead vocal too, e.g. take it right down to a soft kind of lullaby feel for those last couple of lines "I'll only tell the night"...

Anyway, you got a really nice sone there.  :D

Paulski

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« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2014, 02:17:54 AM »
Cool song - very creative IMO.
Vocals are great - very emotive if that's a word..
Yeah - recording quality could be improved a lot - vocals distort a bit on the S's and a bit loud comp to the guitar near the start. Would be nice to hear a full recording maybe with some piano and strings.
Great song though - as usual!
Paul

Alan Starkie

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« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2014, 09:55:06 AM »
This is great!

I love this song!

These are true songwriter lyrics and very well thought out.

No point singling because they're all quality, beginning to end.

I know exactly how I'd be recording this song :

Kick drum on 2 and 4 / shakers throughout with tambourine on the kicks or alternating.

It's got a strong Lumineers feel to it and you know what you're doing. That is obvious.

This song stands out a long way.

Alan.

Dutchbeat

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« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2014, 02:41:32 PM »
well, i have no helpful feedback or tips, but just wanted to say: NICE! Cool song!

i very much enjoyed this

Graemepryce

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« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2014, 06:10:39 PM »
When you said sorry about the recording and that you're looking for tips I expected it to be less complete sounding. It sounds like one of those little tunes you find on the end of albums that just capture a proper moment of real emotive playing.

Very interesting voice, I would imagine you could really get some great tones on bigger sounding tunes also.

Very nice overall, I really enjoyed it.

tokenangmoh

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« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2014, 08:24:36 AM »
Hi.

Great lyrics and melody - really very good indeed.

For the arrangement, I hear a cello, and a distant upright piano up high sometimes. And I'd agree with Alan on the shaker and (feathered) kicks, but only after the halfway point.

Upright bass might be a possibility as well, but used sparingly...

Matt
« Last Edit: September 16, 2014, 08:26:17 AM by tokenangmoh »

Lucio The Bird

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« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2014, 12:10:13 AM »
Hey there,

Lovely song, fantastic vocals. You obviously haven't overthought your chord progressions too much, as they all fit and sit just right, you clearly know what you're doing. I was expecting it to sound a lot less "finished". I don't think you'd need to do much more arrangement wise, I'd steer away from drums. Do you know Bon Iver or Fleet Foxes? In my head I can hear it as one of their more understated songs, though with more of Robin's (Fleet Foxes) vocal style than Justin's (Bon Iver). Perhaps look into using a guitar amp, whether a real one or virtual modelling software, to pass a guitar through a series of delay/resonance pedals. Reverse the delay, set the mix to about 85-90%, and up the resonance, and you'll get yourself an ambient yet structured layer that your defined parts can sit on top of. It won't change the feel too much, it'll still sound organic, but it'll fill it out a bit. I would also maybe slow it down a bit, and start off a bit softer and build it, build it, build it, hit it and then go right back down at the end, but that's just a personal preference thing and the song is still awesome with or without!

Sunfighter

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« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2014, 08:45:26 AM »
As mentioned I'd be tempted to experiement with a variety of instruments - even if they're only VST or keyboard versions. 

I can really hear a cello behind those vocals.  But I'd be interested to hear how a violin, tambourine, harmonica, even a harp might sound?

Don't get me wrong, it's good as it is. 

Gary_W

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« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2014, 09:07:31 PM »
I love the lyrics and I think your voice sounds fantastic on this - it really brings out the best in the song.  And it's a really good song.

It really deserves to be given a more loving treatment as far as recording goes....  if it sounds this good 'as is' then it would sound marvelous with a well-arranged recording.  I don't think it needs a whole lot on it as the simplicity works.

Great stuff.

Winter1982

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    • Winter1982
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2014, 08:10:26 PM »
Hi all, thanks for the feedback, these comments mean a huge amount and they are very useful.

I am certainly interested in the comments regarding strings, may give the song some depth. All the other suggestions are great too and I will play around with them and see what works.

I think I am going to take the plunge and put some money into getting my five strongest songs recorded at a studio. I think it's time to get them out there and see what happens!
winter1982.bandcamp.com

montydog

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« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2014, 11:56:43 AM »
Hi,

You've had some great suggestions for arrangements already so I'll just say that I think this is top notch songwriting and singing. I would also like the guitar up in the mix but it will stand as it is as a lovely piece of work. It has a very contemporary feel and I would guess it has great commercial potential.

Cracking stuff.

M

Boydie

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« Reply #13 on: September 28, 2014, 04:55:56 PM »
I have said before I am a great fan of your songs

My initial thoughts about arrangement matched ALAN STARKIES

The only thing I would add are lots more vocals in places - very subtle but to add a lovely texture behind some of the phrases to get that "shanty singalong" feel

I would be tempted to keep the "minimalist" vibe going though as I could see this being performed live with you sitting on a stool hitting a tambourine with your foot and hitting a cajun box with a kick pedal

I would definitely recommend spending some time deciding EXACTLY what you want from a demo before you spend money in a studio

Do you want to market yourself as a solo singer/songwriter OR as a solo act with a band behind you?

Making these decisions now will inform how you (and hopefully a good producer!) approach your recording session

There is little use having a fully produced "band sound" if you market yourself as a "one man and his guitar" act

Exciting times!
To check out my music please visit:

http://soundcloud.com/boydiemusic

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