[WitnessEdition]

Hey we're new here and just putting this song out there for you to hear, (I have read the rules but sorry in advance if i have missed something)
Nothing too fancy just an acoustic song we have wrote
Would like to hear your feedback but please bear in mind we are just three 15 year old's so are learning as we go
Thanks!
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa8r_Jfl71U
All night, Last Night
Lyrics

I'm waking up, i'm dancing on tiptoes
Your going out, i'm keeping my eyes closed
Last night was fun, but i had to go home
But everyone else is still here

It was so cold i was wearing a t-shirt
Everyone else was wearing a short skirt
Stood on my own missing you so much
Wish that you could be here

Stayed outside all night
Wishing you were by my side
I dont remember who i talked too
Or what i said

You came along, i ran up to meet you
You smiled at me, when i crept up behind you
Potentially i should try not to bug you
But i just can't leave you be

Your best friend was dancing and laughing
He fell over, i was trying to help him
You grabbed his hand, told him to dance to the morning
So you could dance with me

Everyone was dancing i was clapping my hands and you were holding onto me all night
Everyone was dancing i was clapping my hands and you were dancing with me all night

[tina m]

i realy like this it reminds me of all sorts of other bands but its still extremely good
wasnt to keen on the guitar sound & the chorus goes completely wrong with what hes playing
but well done i thought it was delightful

[flossie]

Oh this is so sweet (I mean that sincerely)  You are very talented - this song reminds me of going to parties when i was a teenager!

Are you all girls how is the band made up?

Great song well done.
x

[S.T.C]

good song...keep it up.

[Sjoerd_H]

The girl has a really good voice, I didn't she's only 15.

Do you have a version with a band of this one to? I can hear some drums and bass backing it up a bit.

[nooms]

could be a spooky film soundtrack, charming melody & vocals rythm stumbles especially around some of the chorus’s but kinda adds to the charm..
acoustic gtr sounds a little cloudy, boomy maybe and if you want to keep it this length you might need to add a contrast section or just cut it down a bit but its very impressive..really like it
i’d be well proud of this
great work ..

[James Nighthawk]

ARGH!!!!#1!@"!!!!!

ELECTROACOUTIC GUITAR!!!!

Yes, yes, shut up Nighthawk, I know, But I really hate them. Tinny, lifeless, bad bad sound!!!!

...And relax!

So, back in the room...the song/playing review...

This is pretty stuff. The lyrics have a wide eyed wonderment to them that seems very honest and drawn from real life teenage parties and hangouts, it's cool to reference your experiences, always best place to start!

There are some noticeable timing issues in here, something to work on for the guitarist/bassist. The vocal has a charm to it but for me the "kookiness" is hit and miss, I assume because you are still finding your voice

I notice you have posted this on YouTube as a "response" to Lana Del Ray. Not sure if this is just a way to boost YouTube hits or if it should be read more literally. Your occasionally semi-spoken vocal seems to be doing a similar thing to Ms Ray (side note; I don't "get" her... but I have only heard her a few times. Just sounded like dreary, off kilter singing to me. Not that is stopping her sell by the bucketload!)

And welcome! Do get stuck into the forum and listen and critique others on the board. Don't be scared, just say what you think about each song....nice words and constructive criticisms abound!

JN

[seriousfun]

Very nice song. I liked this a lot.

Lyrics are a little hard to comment on as you didnt post them so I will go no further ther.
Melody vary catchy with a nice chorus just when the vers was beginning to sound repetitive.

Instruments: The guitar deffinately sounded boomy. I am presumming it was not miced up. If you want a good accoustic guitar sound mic it up in stereo its way better that pluging in. Also as others have noted the chorus strum didnot seem to suit the song. Maybe something to look at if you do another take. Its a simple arrangement and that suits the song. It doesnt need to be over complex as that would detract for the great vocal.

Overall, a good effort regardless of age. The only advantage that age gives is more experiences to draw from when writting. The writter here has stuck to their life experiences to date and that is the way to produce heartfelt songs wioth true meaning. Keep it up.

[thedaytonariots]

For three 15 year olds this is very impressive - one of the best songs I've heard on here. Its certainly much better than anything I could write when I was 15. The verse melody is good but I think would be catchier if you went up in the second part of the line. (eg the first line, try going higher on the word 'dancing').

The words are good - they have a naive quality to them which I like.

Vocals are great - suit the stripped back nature of the song.

I like the end refrain part a lot.

Only criticism I would have is that the guitar tempo seems to go off during the chorus. This is nothing more practice won't sort out so I wouldn't worry too much.

My advice would be to keep writing - as much as possible and every day. I hear real potential here so if you work hard then in a few years I think you will be brilliant.

[atitlan]

Not much I can add to some of the other comments.  The guitar in the chorus definitely stumbles a bit, but loved the innocence in the lyrics, and the vocals.

Really enjoyed the Arctic Monkeys cover on YouTube too.

[bewarethisboy]

This is a really strong little song. I loved the voice by the way. Only comments - might be nice to separate the vocal melody from the guitar a little it would add more depth to an already strong composition. You have a great deal to look forward too if you are writing songs like this right now at 15. Look forward to hearing more from you. BTB