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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: jacksimmons on January 28, 2020, 09:02:08 PM
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Hi all! It's been a a while since I was back here buuuut I've had a slight musical drought. I wrote this yesterday but it is very much lacking in the electric guitar department. It's sort of Smiths and Kirsty MacColl inspired.
I am going to layer this up with harmonies and backing vocals but first would love if someone could help me on the electric guitar front.
Thanks for listening.
Lyrics:
michael, down by the lake
if you’re not careful you might make a mistake
leave nothing open and there’s nothing gained
it’s been so long and our love dried well in your gap year
had so many girls but they always seemed to get you wrong
michael, it’s okay to admit
that you’re flat and empty as a dead fish
i woke up thinking of our almost-kiss
our cells are pregnant with a longing you can’t muddy
oh bloody hell will you wake up
i’ve been waiting months for you to come
and i guess i’m reserved to the lasting effects of a taxi to the head
if it comes to that
michael, in this time
of moon-bright screens, hot phones, I find
there’s no out of sight, no out of mind
oh no i think i’m trapped in you again
oh bloody hell will you wake up
i’ve been waiting months for you to come
and someone should have strangled me long ago
if it comes to that
oh bloody hell will you wake up
i’ve been waiting months for you to come
and i guess i’m reserved to the lasting effects of a taxi to the head
if it comes to that
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Fabulous piece of work @jacksimmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18881) You have got The Smiths bass sound absolutely nailed. As you know there are some fantastic guitar players on here and I'm sure you will get plenty of offers on that front although I don't think that you need much more apart from a few licks. Great stuff Jack :)
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Fabulous piece of work @jacksimmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18881) You have got The Smiths bass sound absolutely nailed. As you know there are some fantastic guitar players on here and I'm sure you will get plenty of offers on that front although I don't think that you need much more apart from a few licks. Great stuff Jack :)
Cheers mate, glad you like the song! I think this is still pretty bare bones at the moment. I would love some Johnny Marr-esque layered guitar to really make something of the backing.
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Jack this sounds, great, I love the smiths/ morrisey, I still listen to them now,
And yes @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Johnny marr guitars, if only I had the skills.
Good luck Jack, I really like your vocal style too,
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Jack this sounds, great, I love the smiths/ morrisey, I still listen to them now,
And yes @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Johnny marr guitars, if only I had the skills.
Good luck Jack, I really like your vocal style too,
Thanks mate I'm glad you like the tune. Oh how I wish I could play electric guitar. Perhaps that should be on my list for this year...
Glad you liked the vox. It was just a quick guide vocal really - a lot of less than savoury notes.
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Welcome back Jack. As Mr. P says you`ve nailed the Smiths bass there & I like the drums too. Its a nice song & would love to add some riffs to this but I play guitar like a fumbling stoat.
Keep up the good work .
PS. It is strange that The Smiths never really did backing vocals ?!
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Excellent song Michael. Sounds like Kirsty MacColl must have bumped into Morrissey at some point. :-) You have a great tone to your voice - works well with your lyrics.