The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on October 27, 2015, 07:13:52 PM
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I was bored this afternoon, so I cobbled this together using an old tune i'd never been able to do anything worthwhile with and then used the narrator feature on my MacBook to record some lyrics I've recently written, sliced up the resulting audio and slotted it into the "music" as best i could.
It's shite, I know...i thought i'd chuck it out there just for "fun" :P
<Control Alt Delete>
I have my logic to keep me warm
was I just any Parallel Port in a storm?
I remember the hot nights, the tears and the smiles
I never forget Temporary Internet Files
The first time we FaceTimed, it was just Plug and Play
But now while I'm Syncing, You're floating away
I keep getting reports of a Networking Fail
You keep checking your Inbox...I suspect You've Got Male
A binary maelstrom of digital fervour
Grinds to a halt...Cannot Find Server
What is now incompatible used to be cute
The thought of you leaving Does Not Compute
I told you I'd change, You promised you'd wait
You can't leave me now, I'm Installing An Update
Now you don't want me, Bill Gates knows I've tried
Password Rejected...Access Denied
I don't need emotion, I have Wikipedia
I could import some passion from Removable Media
I'm wasting my battery, you're wasting your breath
We're one click away from the Blue Screen Of Death
You just sit and watch my Stack Overflow
You say that it's over...Computer Says "No"
CPU Overload, Diagnostics Complete
You leave me no option
<Control-Alt-Delete>
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fantastic !
love it paul
that voice is amazing
great idea
rythm tracks brilliant too and way it lifts it
top man
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Hey Paulads, this is great , I can't believe it's you doing the vocal, it sounds like a 1960's public information film. It's really effective. The backing track is good and I love the way it builds at the start and breaks down at the end. But of course the lyrics are the best thing about this song. My favourites are... We're one click away from the Blue Screen Of Death, Computer Says "No" and You leave me no option <Control-Alt-Delete>
You're full of surprises, pulling off several different styles of music. Love it.
If this is the kind of "shite" you produce in an afternoon, keep taking the senna pods man.
Cheers
Mo
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Thanks, fellas :)
I was hesitant about posting it...I've been trying so hard to come up with some new tunes...and it just wasn't happening...I didn't really have a melody or a middle 8 or anything - so I had to try something different.
The drums are from the Simon Phillips Loop Loft pack...some really great grooves in there!
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You are effing awesome Mr Adds. How do you come up with this stuff ? Absolutely brilliant lyrics and production and a really unique idea. I read the lyrics a while ago and was intrigued as to how they would be incorporated into a song but you have nailed it. Respect 😊 off for another listen now. Will be appreciated by my IT colleagues tomorrow.
John
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Yo,
Most excellent and amusing......Great job!!!
You have found your place and shall henceforth be known as "The Great Computer Bard"!!!
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Sir Stephen Hawkins meets Two Tribes!
Might be even more effective with a bit more space between lines, but it's already phenomenal. Given a good video, could go viral...
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Ha Ha...Thanks a lot John, Igg and Adam!
I was slightly concerned that i'd be tarred, feathered and run out of Songwriting Town :)
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Genuis Paul, made me smile.
Cracking lyrics, great concept, really well executed. The upbeat ryhthm suits it perfectly and it all comes together a treat. Deserves to be heard.
Ben
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Paul,
Adam is absolutely right!
This would make a great video meme. A billion hits a day....!!
igg
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Hi Paul
I really loved this one. Don't take this the wrong way, but this is my favourite of all the songs of yours that I've heard! You have really captured that creative spark and just gone with it.
It is really original, the overdub vocal fits the song perfectly. I am not honestly sure if I could listen to a whole album of songs with that voiceover but if the lyrics were kept as witty and refreshing as these ones maybe I could...
The music in the background for me is solid. Potentially you could just have a catchy (non robotic) hook for a chorus to tie it all together.
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Cheers for that, Ben :)
A video would be fab...but that's way beyond me, Igg :)
And thanks, Tom...pleased you liked it :)
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Well dead pleased I listened to that, especially as I work in the industry, not that you'd no it, the lyrics and the delivery put a huge ;D on my face, clever to with the love analogy. The backing was a touch house martins with cool key change. Thoughts I just felt you might want to repeat the 'control, alt, delete' line and fade at the end?
More shite please
:)
Neil
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Cheers, Neil...it does sound a bit Housemartins, come to think of it...I rather liked them, so I thank Ye for that. I'd have liked to have used a chorus, and would possibly have tightened up the narrative here and there...as well as ending it more carefully...but I just banged it out quickly and then it was gone. The tune was really grating on me having listened to it over and over whilst dropping the dialogue in...I couldn't take any more!
Pleased it raised a smile :)
Thanks!
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Brilliant lyrics and a topping idea old chap!!.. a chorus in a similar vein would make this as outstanding as something that is really outstanding...
great work mate..very creative!!
best, Kevin
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Paul,
I did a little research for you....check this out....maybe it could work..
igg
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Wow this is really creative! Cool!
Great instrumental and really original idea! Love the lyrics,
gives me the image of somebody that's feeling alone and only
has a computer to interact with the world.
Well done man!
MM
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Cheers Kevin!
and also MartiMedia :)
and thanks for that, Igg...i shall investigate!
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Hey Paul
Nuts, but it works well. Kind of updated Bonzo Dogs.
Lyric is great and the backing is nice. Some great lines...maybe some crazy backing vox might add something. Some of those phrases might sound nice with some delicate harmonies to contrast with the spoken bit....
Nicely done!
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Hi, very creative, love the lyric it's clever. Great idea well realised!
Nice one.
Cheers
Jamie
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Hey Paul,
I love this, it is so original, quirky and fun.
Excellent lyrics too ! 3 listens already..
Regards,
Lee
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Thanks VC, Jamie and Lee for the kind words :)
I just had an email from my local BBC Introducing to say they'll be playing the song tonight sometime after 8pm...big thanks for a top tip from Ben (doodles) about trying that route.
I'm off now to cobble together a video from Igg's suggestion
nowt flash...but i tried.
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this could go viral !
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Good Work, Paul!!!!!
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Hi Paul
Haha - love a good novelty song and this one was muchos fun!
Not much to sugg - totally works.
Maybe some female BG "ooos'" later in the song and change parallel poet to USB port?
Very creative!
Paul
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Hi Paul,
Love the lyrics and delivery.
The music seemed almost irrelevant, yet fit well with the style of the song.
Congratulations on the airplay.
Digger
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Great song, great idea.
Kinda reminds me of William Shatner's versions of songs where he talks the lyrics.
Is this the same voice a syri? So basically you've just released a song by Syri?
That is totally awesome...
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Thanks, Paul and Digger :)
Cheers, Oliver...I think it's the same voice they use for "Siri" and the narrator function in MacOS's "textedit" app. I love how it tries to sound human...but can't. It seemed perfect for this...
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This HAS to be SOTM. Oops sorry I'm canvassing ;)
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Hi,
Very clever stuff. Excellent entertainment, had me
smiling all the way through ;D ;D
Great way to start my day.....thanks ;D ;D
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Great idea masterfully realized. Love it!
That voice even seemed to change its pitch, fitting the music did you do that or did it happen like that?
Congratulations! Bye Wolfi
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Thanks, Wolfini
It's pretty much just the way it came out...I had to change a bit here and there, edit it and format some parts differently (paragraphs, sentences, etc) but I'm glad you liked it :)
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This is AWESOME!
"Parody" songs like this only really "work" (IMHO) when the music is top notch - and this works brilliantly
The drums fit perfectly so really well done on using the loops here - it really did feel like a drum part specifically played for this song, great job
I really liked the mix and processing of the guitars - lovely and "jangly" but never harsh
I would have probably mixed the strummy electric a little lower
My only (really nitty) critique would be the low end as I think the kick and bass and sharing frequencies as the bass guitar sounds a little "weak" and I can hardly hear the the kick drum
If you notch out some complimentary frequencies in each I think it would transform the track
The lyrics and "melody" are really clever and the delivery is sublime
I think you may have found your "style"!!!!!
Loved it!