[CaliaMoko]

Here's another song from the 10-week Facebook challenge I am attempting. I am currently one week behind and this song is from week, um, three maybe? I am looking for any and all advice for improvement. I'm not happy with all the lyrics. Production, of course, is always a major challenge for me.

Hear it here: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/my-dream-world

MY DREAM WORLD

I am held inside a love so pure
In the past I never was too sure
Now I feel so safe it makes me cry
Feel like I could float into the sky

My dream world, my fantasy
It's my turn, my sanity
My story has never been
My glory withheld within, my dream world

Come and dance with me beneath the moon
In my mind I hear a lover's tune
Enchantment all around me, soft the light
Whispers comfort me all through the night

My dream world, my fantasy
It's my turn, my sanity
My story has never been
My glory withheld within, my dream world

When the dance is done we walk away
Arm in arm we stroll toward the day
Joyful music playing in our ears
Flying with us through our golden years

My dream world, my fantasy
It's my turn, my sanity
My story has never been
My glory withheld within, my dream world

[pompeyjazz]

You’re so brave to be doing this challenge @CaliaMoko I love a song in a minor key, always makes it more atmospheric imo. Great progression on this one. As you have asked for any tips, I would maybe dial back the drums a bit, eq tweak the guitar to highlight the higher frequencies and maybe some subtle reverb on your vocals. As you’re doing this as part of a challenge you maybe haven’t got the time to do this now but maybe worth considering it at a later date. I always enjoy your contributions to the forum Vicki. You are an absolute inspiration to me and many others on here. Keep going girl 😀

[shadowfax]

A song with a lot of potential....I agree with John's comments, definately needs a bit of space..ie, reverb, try recording in the bathroom if you have not got access to reverb, I did this with my vocals when I started out, really adds depth to a recording.
you added harmonies at the end of the song but I reckon some on the chorus would be a good idea.

[ChrisPrice]

What stands out for me is your voice - it's lovely. Yes, I'd agree about one or two potential tweaks production-wise...maybe after you complete the challenge. But this is excellent to my ears. Keep going, this is fabulous.

[Elvis Nash]

Hey Viki
nice song , lovely vocals
I'm not really a producer , so you'd have to listen to P
nice job , keep writing on !!!

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks for the tips, @pompeyjazz . I have so much to learn regarding production. I'll be trying out what you said.

And thanks for the lovely comments @shadowfax @ChrisPrice and @Elvis Nash

I appreciate every comment and every listen with or without comments!

[Whiskey Club]

You’ve noticed my comments over there so you’ll know I like this one.  If I were you, and able to create a good song every week and sing it well in an acoustic take, I’d focus my attention on that.  You can always double back and worry about production later - (or not).

Cheers -John.

[Nick Ryder]

@CaliaMoko

There’s a really sweet innocent charm to this.

It would certainly benefit from a more polished production but I wouldn’t change much about is as doing so would lose the charm.

[CaliaMoko]

Thank you @Whiskey Club and @Nick Ryder !

I am currently behind on the challenge so I need to hustle and get caught up. I think I finally have something for last week. Now to start on this week's song....

I really appreciate the lovely comments!

Vicki

[Theresa]

I can't add much as the others said what I could say, but I will still say it, your voice is very lovely throughout the whole song. I think I could add that I really like the little drum flairs here and there between words tho. It was a good choice.

[CaliaMoko]

Thank you muchly, @Theresa

I need to get caught up with last week's song and get this week's song done. Whew!!

[cowparsleyman]

@CaliaMoko - You know V, this must have been tough to write, let alone sing, I'm actually like the closeness of the vocal (I always loved your voice) and maybe reduce the production, you know how Mississipi Moon worked so well. Sometimes drums are too much, maybe find another way to imply the rhythm, then perhaps use just some gentle percussion, introducing a new piece per verse, but gentle mind, low tuned congas, not doing much..

It might work with a high quality vocal plate verb on the BV's...

I can hear violin in there somewhere, you know one of theose things they play at the waist, and perhaps a tin whistle for a repeat of one of the melody motifs...a chorus would be an idea... @Ashes for Dreams - you're a whistler as I remember?

Just ideas V, keep well

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks, Rich! @cowparsleyman

I made a copy of the suggestions from you and John and saved them so I could come back to them later. And thanks for the compliment!!

[Maya Clars]

@CaliaMoko

A gentle and beautiful melody, well performed!
I would suggest experimenting a little bit with the drum rhythm. The same and steady rhythm throughout the entire melody sounds so monotonous.

Maya

[CaliaMoko]

Thank you @Maya Clars . I do need to learn how to use the drummer app I have.