[Mark Ryan]

This was nice. I got a little bit of Graham Nash-feel here ´n there and thats a very good thing in my book. Arrangementwise I don´t think I have much to add then what´s already been said. You say it will change once in the studio so maybe it will.
Personally I hope for some more drama and that the instrumentation @ places will add some richer harmonic content to bring da goosebumps. I feel there´s a lot of opportunities for such in this song

Hi Skogge,

Thanks for your comments they're much appreciated. We'll see what happens if it makes it or not

[Boydie]

I thought it was a lovely song

It was interested you mentioned you were going for a hymn like quality as some of the melody lines reminded me of "Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen

In fact, I think you could look towards some of the more recent interpretations of this song (Jeff Buckley & Bon Jovi) for some production/arrangement ideas as they seem to ooze emotion

Good luck with the project - culling 20 good songs to 10-12 is going to be tricky

In the band we call it "killing babies"!

[Mark Ryan]

I thought it was a lovely song

It was interested you mentioned you were going for a hymn like quality as some of the melody lines reminded me of "Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen

In fact, I think you could look towards some of the more recent interpretations of this song (Jeff Buckley & Bon Jovi) for some production/arrangement ideas as they seem to ooze emotion

Good luck with the project - culling 20 good songs to 10-12 is going to be tricky

In the band we call it "killing babies"!

Cheers Boydie, thanks for the kind words. I used to love that song in its original form until that eejit from X Factor got hold of it It's never been the same for me since.

It won't be so much killing babies as taking out the trash mate

[montydog]

It's pretty obvious after the first few lines that you are a very accomplished songwriter. It reminded me of something Alan Starkie would write - it has that surefootedness in the melody lines. I like your voice - simple and direct with no mucking about, good tone and well judged. I take your points about it being a demo hence the rather artificial sound to the backing and I think Neil is right that the more organic and natural you make the final instrumentation, the better.

It certainly sounds like a candidate for your album - the standard of the rest must be pretty good if you chuck this one out.

Lyrically it is extremely well written and steers clear of cliché but is infused with the emotional weight that drove the writing of the song.

My wife has just popped into my room with a cup of tea and said "That was nice, the song you were just playing". That's through 2 doors and a large room away - I think that's a good thing 

High quality material and a pleasure to listen to.

M

[benjo]

 HEY MARK

 when i saw goodbye i though break up typically
 but when i read the lyric as i always like to before listening
 
 the first verse was a little old school / obvious and expected
 and i don't think you need the FROM ME on the end of the last line

 the chorus i couldn't connect with MAMMA  it sounds childish
 and gave me the picture of a child, and not of this country
 as you don't really hear of the word MAMMA it's usually what babies say in this country
 so i think it takes away from the story / feeling

 the GOODBYE felt a little feeble like i think it should have had another goodbye
 or even another to build the feeling

 in the third verse i really found the line
            ITS LEFT ME SO LOST I'M STILL COUNTING OUT THE COST
 this is a little bit clumsy in my opinion doesn't sound right at all

 i also got a bit confused and didn't know weather the person was sleeping or had died

 when i listened to the song it really did depress me with the drone of the piano
 that went on for to long before anything else kicked in
 the GOODBYE needed to be more goodbyes or built up better
 
 i thought the song went for to long it didn't have any lift or fall nothing to carry emotion
 i turned off before the end cause i knew what was coming next
 
 this obviously had a good standard production thrown at it
 but i don't really see that this will go to far
 
 over all i expected a lot better lyrically / musically / emotionally for the content of the song


      good luck with this though

       ps there are to many I'VE TRIED in there i'd look at that


              tony
  

[Mark Ryan]

HEY MARK

 when i saw goodbye i though break up typically
 but when i read the lyric as i always like to before listening
 
 the first verse was a little old school / obvious and expected
 and i don't think you need the FROM ME on the end of the last line

 the chorus i couldn't connect with MAMMA  it sounds childish
 and gave me the picture of a child, and not of this country
 as you don't really hear of the word MAMMA it's usually what babies say in this country
 so i think it takes away from the story / feeling

 the GOODBYE felt a little feeble like i think it should have had another goodbye
 or even another to build the feeling

 in the third verse i really found the line
            ITS LEFT ME SO LOST I'M STILL COUNTING OUT THE COST
 this is a little bit clumsy in my opinion doesn't sound right at all

 i also got a bit confused and didn't know weather the person was sleeping or had died

 when i listened to the song it really did depress me with the drone of the piano
 that went on for to long before anything else kicked in
 the GOODBYE needed to be more goodbyes or built up better
 
 i thought the song went for to long it didn't have any lift or fall nothing to carry emotion
 i turned off before the end cause i knew what was coming next
 
 this obviously had a good standard production thrown at it
 but i don't really see that this will go to far
 
 over all i expected a lot better lyrically / musically / emotionally for the content of the song


      good luck with this though

       ps there are to many I'VE TRIED in there i'd look at that


              tony
  

Lol, this is funny, cheers for that 

[hardtwistmusic]

Thanks for the comments guys. Marianna I haven't had a chance to catch up with all the new stuff on the forum yet but I promise I will have a listen as soon as I can

Hardtwist,
The piano is playing crotchets all the way through, which is quarter notes. The problem with throwing a song full of Quavers together is you run the risk of it sounding like a boy band song without the obligatory key change on the final chorus  and that's the very last thing I wanted. The other thing is you play some piano arpeggio's which completely changes the feel of the song, and starts looking for drums and bass. I wanted it to have a sort of hymn-like feel without the droning reed organ, and the only way to really achieve that is with quarter notes.
The arrangement was also written with live performance in mind, and I don't perform with backing tracks or midi files, so it would mean a different arrangement for studio and live, and that's not something I like doing. There's also a string section from the very beginning of the track so I felt adding more early on would have been overkill mate. Having said all that, I'm quite certain when I get it to the studio in front of a proper producer it will all change. Just as long as it doesn't come out sounding like One Direction I'll be happy 
Cheers for the ideas.

Thank you for taking the time to explain all that.  It's very valuable to me when someone bothers to do that. 

I was surprised to hear that there are piano quarter notes throughout.  Is the tempo really slow?  I often can't tell the difference between slow tempo quarter notes and faster half notes.  Not that it matters to my appreciation of the song, but I do want badly to understand what I'm hearing. 

Thanks again.  And I listened to several of your songs on your site and was really in awe of your musicianship. 

[Mark Ryan]

Thanks for the comments guys. Marianna I haven't had a chance to catch up with all the new stuff on the forum yet but I promise I will have a listen as soon as I can

Hardtwist,
The piano is playing crotchets all the way through, which is quarter notes. The problem with throwing a song full of Quavers together is you run the risk of it sounding like a boy band song without the obligatory key change on the final chorus  and that's the very last thing I wanted. The other thing is you play some piano arpeggio's which completely changes the feel of the song, and starts looking for drums and bass. I wanted it to have a sort of hymn-like feel without the droning reed organ, and the only way to really achieve that is with quarter notes.
The arrangement was also written with live performance in mind, and I don't perform with backing tracks or midi files, so it would mean a different arrangement for studio and live, and that's not something I like doing. There's also a string section from the very beginning of the track so I felt adding more early on would have been overkill mate. Having said all that, I'm quite certain when I get it to the studio in front of a proper producer it will all change. Just as long as it doesn't come out sounding like One Direction I'll be happy 
Cheers for the ideas.

Thank you for taking the time to explain all that.  It's very valuable to me when someone bothers to do that. 

I was surprised to hear that there are piano quarter notes throughout.  Is the tempo really slow?  I often can't tell the difference between slow tempo quarter notes and faster half notes.  Not that it matters to my appreciation of the song, but I do want badly to understand what I'm hearing. 

Thanks again.  And I listened to several of your songs on your site and was really in awe of your musicianship. 

Yes it's a mega slow tempo, my limited piano skills don't allow my wee sausage fingers to go too fast 
What you were counting out in your head was eighth notes (Quavers). This is an easy mistake to make. During your count say the word AND between beats. Usually if it seems to much to say then you're going 'double time' and just put the AND where you have been counting your next beat. This doesn't work for every tempo or time signature, but it's a good way to get started. Try it with this song and you will see what I mean
And thanks very much for your kind words they are very much appreciated.

[Jambrains]

For me the usp of this song is the vocals, the harmonies are stellar. Arrangement wise I feel it falls a little between two chairs, I'd either go with JN:s suggestion and "ballad this baby up" or cut it down to the bare bones with just those fab vocals and a piano.Just my 2 cents of course  :-)


/Johan

[Mark Ryan]

For me the usp of this song is the vocals, the harmonies are stellar. Arrangement wise I feel it falls a little between two chairs, I'd either go with JN:s suggestion and "ballad this baby up" or cut it down to the bare bones with just those fab vocals and a piano.Just my 2 cents of course  :-)


/Johan

Hi Johan,
Thanks very much for those suggestions I really appreciate them. I agree the arrangement has to be changed, I just don't quite know the best way to go about it yet without losing the crux of the song if you know what I mean. I actually wouldn't mind someone with more production skills on here having a wee blast at it if that's possible? Anyone up for it?
The problem is because I have so many new songs on the go right now and not a lot of time to get them studio ready, I just don't physically have the time to ponder over 1 particular track 
I tried it with some guitar, both chords and arpeggios, and it just didn't work for me at all, so I had to shelve it to work on other tracks for the time being.
Thanks for the comments re the vocals, not being a singer this is good news to my ears
Once again many thanks for the critique and kind words they are very much appreciated

Mark

[Vintage54]

     Greetings!
         Difficult subject, handled, and delivered with real feeling. I remember losing my own Mother a few years ago, was crippled inside, for a couple of months or so. It got easier, but it's still not easy. Wrote a bunch of lines myself, at the time, to kill the pain. No one has ever seen them, but you've done the job on my behalf. One slight criticism, the tempo could perhaps be, just a tad speedier. But hey man! it's a job well done. Tip my hat.

                              Moved
                                  Vintage54

[Mark Ryan]

     Greetings!
         Difficult subject, handled, and delivered with real feeling. I remember losing my own Mother a few years ago, was crippled inside, for a couple of months or so. It got easier, but it's still not easy. Wrote a bunch of lines myself, at the time, to kill the pain. No one has ever seen them, but you've done the job on my behalf. One slight criticism, the tempo could perhaps be, just a tad speedier. But hey man! it's a job well done. Tip my hat.

                              Moved
                                  Vintage54

Hi Vintage, many thanks for the kind words, I'm pleased you got something from the song, that was always my aim with this kind of subject. I know what you mean about writing lines I net through a similar process. We tend to turn to the only thing we know how to really do at times like that. Most of it tends to get locked away due to the emotional content involved, it's only when you revisit the subject after your healing has taken hold that you can really write things down with your professional hat on so to speak, so maybe you should revisit your own work from that time and see what comes out. It's like the proverbial silver lining from a very dark cloud if you can make something good from such a bad situation.
As per my post above, my wee sausage fingers can only go so fast on a piano so that's probably why the tempo is so laboured
Thanks once again for you kind words and critique, they are much appreciated.

Mark

[Mark Ryan]

It's pretty obvious after the first few lines that you are a very accomplished songwriter. It reminded me of something Alan Starkie would write - it has that surefootedness in the melody lines. I like your voice - simple and direct with no mucking about, good tone and well judged. I take your points about it being a demo hence the rather artificial sound to the backing and I think Neil is right that the more organic and natural you make the final instrumentation, the better.

It certainly sounds like a candidate for your album - the standard of the rest must be pretty good if you chuck this one out.

Lyrically it is extremely well written and steers clear of cliché but is infused with the emotional weight that drove the writing of the song.

My wife has just popped into my room with a cup of tea and said "That was nice, the song you were just playing". That's through 2 doors and a large room away - I think that's a good thing 

High quality material and a pleasure to listen to.

M

Hi Monty,
Sorry I must have missed this post as I've just noticed it
There are 9 absolute certainties right now and I'm still on the fence with this one. I'm working on some acoustic guitar parts for a different arrangement of it so hopefully one of those works and I get the song I'm looking for. If that happens then it will go on.
If your wife heard that through 2 doors and a large room I would suggest either she has phenomenal hearing, or you play your music too loud Whatever the reason I'm very pleased she liked it.
Many thanks for the kind compliments and ideas, they are very much appreciated.

Mark

[beckylucythomas]

Lovely heartfelt words. They'll touch a lot of people i think.

Nice vocal. Could go a little more emotional.

Very accessible tearjerky melody.

It has similarities with Great Big World/Christina Aguilera Say Something - and with a classic big ballad production, I do think you'd need to be careful not to go too close to that.

Wasn't keen on the persistent block chord piano part tbh. I thought it pulled back on the song where it wanted to spread its winds.

On the strings that I'm not sure whether are (pretend) strings or whether they are just a synth sound... if they are strings, Tone posted a link to a youtube tutorial not all that long ago which has some really useful tips for getting a natural sound.

[Mark Ryan]

Lovely heartfelt words. They'll touch a lot of people i think.

Nice vocal. Could go a little more emotional.

Very accessible tearjerky melody.

It has similarities with Great Big World/Christina Aguilera Say Something - and with a classic big ballad production, I do think you'd need to be careful not to go too close to that.

Wasn't keen on the persistent block chord piano part tbh. I thought it pulled back on the song where it wanted to spread its winds.

On the strings that I'm not sure whether are (pretend) strings or whether they are just a synth sound... if they are strings, Tone posted a link to a youtube tutorial not all that long ago which has some really useful tips for getting a natural sound.

Hi Becky,
Thanks so much for your review and critique. I'm not familiar with Christina Aguilera;s work past the Voice Within I'm afraid but I promise I will have a listen. This song is 10 years old so if hers is newer and is too close to mine I'll be sure to let my solicitor know  If on the other hand hers is older I will skulk away into my corner until further notice.
As I said in previous posts this was a very quick recording just to get it down Becky, I have no doubt it will change dramatically once we get it into the studio, in fact it's already morphing into something else as we speak, so we'll see where we go with it
Once again thanks for the comments, they're very much appreciated
Mark