[Paulski]

Hi guys

Another sad piano song I'm afraid but as Elton says - they say so much!
It's fresh out of the shop so I'm sure the levels still need tweaking.
Any help in that regard or comments on the song would be appreciated!
Oh, yeah - and does the bridge seem to fit OK?

thanks!
Paul

PS - big thanks to the lyrics forum for their support with this!

Rose
Copyright 2015 Tennyson Road Music

Rose
Dear, fragile Rose
Fated to grow
Where impatiens show
Boys come to pick
Only the best
But no-one selects

Rose
Sweet, precious Rose
Powders her nose
Her petals glow
She wonders why
She can't catch an eye
As they wander by
Rose

Friends
Cheery and bright
Play in the sun
Chasing the lights
A hand comes near
They disappear
Now only stems
...friends...

Time is so unkind
Never takes a glance aside
As he swings and dances by
He never hesitates...
Nor commiserates with..

Rose
Forgotten Rose
Waited and hoped
'til Autumn approached
Her crimson blush
Faded to rust
For no-one chose
Rose

Her crimson blush
Faded to rust
For no-one chose
Rose

[sarepaar]

Hi Paul
Love the lyrics. When I read them I saw myself in my insecure teenage years which for me is not that long ago. I don't want te sound too depressing, but they might still be kind of relatable now.
I liked the piano and the melody. I myself would have kept it smaller in the vocals except for in the bridge. I feel like it is that kind of song. So I might like it more if the words Rose, grow, show, etc. would be kept a little shorter if you know what I mean. Try singing it in a fragile way.
I just started writing though so feel free to ignore me
Sarah

[TheButcher]

Hi;

In terms of melody; maybe my favorite of yours so far.

It s simple; not too simple; powerful. It s really on the spot.

if the bridge works?

that part?:

Time is so unkind
Never takes a glance aside
As he swings and dances by
He never hesitates...
Nor commiserates with..

well; yes; it s not easy to do it that way; but for me it works.

over all; great.

One thing that s really really not good to me:

that synth coming in at 1:07 - it sounds really bad sorry; your great voice and the lovely piano deserve sth much better. it sounds soon artificial.

just my 2 ct



cheers

B

[montydog]

Hi Paul,

This is a cracking melody - I think it's your best and the piano is superbly done. The strings sound just about realistic enough to work. The lyrics are simple, direct and pretty much perfection. The bridge is seemless - a lovely fit. All in all, a class piece of song writing and playing. Simple but very, very effective.

M

[diademgrove]

Hi Paul,

great song really well sung. I liked the strings. I heard the bridge as being played and sung faster to reflect how quickly time goes by in contrast to the rose who is left behind.

Please ignore me if you disagree.

Keith

[PeeJay]

Hi Paul,

Really nice sound. Fine singing and piano.

I was getting a hint of Barry Manilow. Are we allowed to mention him? Hey put that bottle down!

Good 'un.

Phil.

[Dogmax]

That was really nice Paul lovely lyrics music everything felt right has a lovely flow to it.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Hi Paul

Nice plinky piano intro!

As all have said...very strong melody in the verses. Like the bv bits.

Not 100% keen on the string bit....think I'd have preferred (how the hell do you spell that!) a higher register ....

The bridge does work but I would have come down low on the 'commiserates' somehow...just my personal taste for a different sort of drama i suppose....

Most notable for me is the strong construction to the song lyric/phrasing etc and starting and ending the verses on that single word is a nice device used well here.

[hardtwistmusic]

Funny how musical tastes differ.  For me, the musical highlight was the "strings part" that I would call a musical bridge.  Second most favorite was the vocal bridge. 

I too would have liked to hear a more "fragile" vocal interpretation.  An Eric Carmen type of voice as per "All by Myself" and/or "Never Gonna Fall in Love Again." 

The writing is absolutely beautiful. 

[Paulski]

@sarepaar

Hi Sarah - really appreciate you giving my song a listen and leaving a comment! Glad you liked the melody line and the lyrics. I tend to agree that the vocals could be more fragile - maybe I'll take another run at them and see if I can do that! Thanks again!

@TheButcher

Hey - thanks for the honest feedback on the strings - I don't have a very good plugin for that - maybe time to get one! Glad you liked the melody line and the bridge!

@montydog

thanks Alan - always good to get your thumbs up. Yeah the strings are "almost" OK for me too. Being a piano player I really appreciate that nice commen! about my playing.

@diademgrove

Cheers for the +tive comments Keith! the bridge was take one and I just went with it as it turned out. Maybe could be sped up a bit.

@PeeJay

Thanks Phil- Barry Manilow comparison is OK by me - he wrote a lot of great songs even if they were a bit maligned at times.

@Dogmax

Cheers Pat - glad you liked it!

@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra

Thanks Ian. I guess it's a plinky sandwich with the intro and outro the same! Not sure about "come down low on the 'commiserates' somehow" do you mean sing a lower note or lower volume? Thanks for the nice comment about song construction - one of my passions I guess.

@hardtwistmusic

Cheers Verlon. Nice to get the nod from the American contingent! Yeah maybe I'll take another run at the vocals when I get some time. Thanks for listening!

Cheers all - great feedback from you guys!
Paul

[Neil C]

Paul,
Looking forward to this since reading the lyrics.
Good progressive melody which cycles around really well to support them.
Like the harmonies and backing vocals.  Good ending too.
Thoughts:
I might have halved the length of the stringed section over the verse so its a shorter interlude before the next verse.
Possibly the intro right hand notes could be a bit more mellow, there quite abrasive for what is i think a delicate song
Not entirely sure about the change in time in the middle section.
Anyway please feel free to ignore theses thoughts the core of the song is really, really good.
Classy
 
Neil 

[James Nighthawk]

I too loved the intro. I thought we were heading into quirky Tori Amos territory, but alas, wasn't to be 

But instead we have a lovely smooth, sad piano ballad and a neatly put together one at that!

Roughly 2 minutes in the broken arpeggios are a lovely change.

The oohs soon after are also darling and perfectly delivered.

A couple of things I would change - think about separting the harmonies more across the stereo spectrum . And vocal delivery-wise I am torn. I like the bite you have, but part of me wants to hear a take with a smoother feel. The same lovely melody, but perhaps with less of an edge and more warmth to it... not sure though

Oh, and I like how the intro reappears at the end. Classic touch!

Great share

James x

[Alan Starkie]

Hi Paul,

I really enjoyed this song.

Nice lyric that told a story and I kinda liked your vocal with the slightly Broadway Musical delivery.

As for the strings - they ARE too clinical and harsh for me.

I'd try cutting the hi's a lot and maybe raising the attack a very small amount to give a slight swell, lower a lot in the mix and maybe double with a flute?

Well done. Reminded me a little of 'Send in the clowns'.

Alan.

[Paulski]

@Neil C

Hi Neil - yeah - I thought about shortening the viola solo but I really wanted to embed the verse's melody line in the listener's head so decided to leave it full verse. Definitely an option though - if I wanted to shorten the song it would trim about 12 secs. I agree the opening piano is tinkling a bit too loud - I'll lower the level and throw a bit more reverb on it to soften it. Thanks for the great feedback Neil!

@James Nighthawk

Cheers for the kind words James. Good idea on pushing the harmonies more left/right - I'll def do that. Myself, I wonder if a female vocal would work - just have to find a volunteer  ??

@Alan Starkie

Thanks Alan - means a lot from you. Agreed - the strings are a not up to snuff. Maybe I'll take another try at fixing these per your advice. For some reason I couldn't even get a vibrato to work on them - gah! They're Steinberg's VST - can anybody recommend a replacement?

Thanks again everybody!
Paul

[digger72]

Hi Paul,

Big old ballad. Nice hint of melancholy.
Quality piano lines. I liked the idea of the strings, but the sound seemed a little too synthy/ too modern. But the Philharmonic doesn't come cheap.

Good stuff,

Digger