I'm having trouble getting this to feel like a song in my head. You said you hear it as something kind of jazzy or bluesy...is what you're hearing in your head divided into verses at all, or is it more like one long "through-composed" piece?
Do you expect it to have a repeating melody and, if yes, what sections are likely to be the same melody lines as each other? Knowing that *might* help me get a better feel for this.
There is one line I think I get pretty well: "I’ve been cry, I’ve been cry, I’ve been cry, I’ve been cry, I’ve been crying". I hear that as a kind of sob, as if the singer is having trouble getting beyond the "cry" but finally makes it to "crying". I find that very effective at getting the feel of the mood across.
I'll be interested in hearing more about this as it develops.
Vicki