The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ScottLevi on September 02, 2017, 11:18:00 AM
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Hey All,
God so many good tunes coming through the forum recently it's really inspirational, and I've definitely stepped up song-writing (in quantity if not quality) recently to try and compete!
I really like this one personally - I think it's my best yet - whatever that's worth!
I usually try to avoid writing songs about girls, there's already billions of them but at same time dare I turn my chin up at an inspiration when it comes.
This is very much the successor from 'Keep Fucking Up" musically and takes a lot of ideas from that, but with a bit more thought and polish attached.
Feedback wise I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for... I guess some validation/invalidation on the direction I'm heading, and what message comes across here. It's always a balance between not giving the game away, allowing for personal interpretation and missing the point all together and as the writer it can be very difficult to tell.
Also I often rebelliously add an element to a song which throw people off, partially because I'm afraid to put out a 'normal' song in fear of a reality check, and partially because I just don't know what I'm doing (Off time drums, off-key keyboard, ect). This one I risk doing the same as I attempted adding some drums (with my mini-cajon) and some hand-whistling. I actually think it came out alright though - I get away with it this time?
https://soundcloud.com/namelessmc/playing-games
Playing Games
Chorus
She thinks I'm playing games,
I guess no-one's ever told her,
I don't fuck around.
She thinks I'm trying it on,
But I'm just,
Tryin'a have some fun,
Just tryn'a have some fun!
V1
'Cos the trith is darlin',
I C-B-A,
For all this other stuff,
That love could bring our way,
V2
So don't you worry,
I wont latch on,
I'll leave you be,
Once the night is done
Chorus
Middle 4 ;')
'Cos the thought of love,
Causes pain in my heart,
Because the bas is always worse,
Than the goodness at the start
V3
And I know I'm not attractive,
And my conversation's light,
But I'm under no illusion,
And with that I'm alright,
V4
So I'm not expecting much,
From a lovely girl like you,
But if we both love booze and music,
Why not kdo it as a two?
chorus
Many thanks to anyone who's read, even more to those who've listened.
All the best,
Scott.
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I think out of everything I've heard of yours, this is the closest to a traditional sounding pop recording. I say that as a good thing. The percussion all works fine, the little guitar riff is cool, and your vocals make the whole thing incredibly interesting. They're idiosyncratic and weird but I think that's exactly what you were going for. On earlier recordings of yours you had a tendency to waiver out of key with your singing style, but you don't do that here. It feels much more together. I also love the little whistle with the reverb. Oddly incredibly catchy.
You have some timing issues with your acoustic at the beginning but nothing that can make or break the song and it doesn't happen again. You're getting better and better imho, so keep up the godo work and keep up the experimenting. I like it.
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Yo Scott.
Imagine David Byrne bonged out of his gourd,partying hard with the Screaming Blue Messiahs,then throw in a little Syd Barrett in the period just before the drugs sent him psychotic.
That's kind of what I think. I'm even beyond myself trying to review the track. :D
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Great stuff, Scotty!
Big step forward, I reckon...I enjoyed the lyrics especially...I bet she's like putty in yer hands :-*
Good work, dude!
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Dude,
Great chill out track. I am thinking, The Stones.
Saw a video of them just jamming together for back in the 60's, this has that vibe.
Cool sound.
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Hey Scott, this one comes flying in straight out of the heart of the lo-fi Indieverse... giving the finger to convention and cliche as it passes. I really like the hand whistling... it sounds a bit like you have a lonesome hound chained up in your back yard. The way you sing it is cool too - you sound a bit "scary hillbilly" which works well for the track. This is as about as far from Simon Cowell as it is possible to get - and for that, the lyrics and the hand whistling, I salute you, sir.
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Hey Scott
Nice work mate. I heard this in your OM video and liked it there too. The lyrics are great and I do love your delivery! There is something very unique about it which is just, to me, really captivating. The hand whistles and improv percussion works really well and is really creative.
Great stuff, keep them coming pal ;)
Darren
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Hey Scott.
I'll be honest, I had no idea what to make of this when I first heard it. So I listened to Keep Fucking Up as a frame of reference. I'm still not sure what journey you are on here but it's unique and original. This may be controversial, but of the two, I prefer Keep Fucking Up as some of the melodies I really latched on to. But wherever you want to go with your music, keep us in the loop, it's intriguing stuff!
Cheers Micky
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Hey Scott - I'm loving this. As others have said it's more "conventional" from you although I wouldn't describe your style as conventional, more original and quirky. Love the weird noises going on in the background. You're one of the most original guys and I applaud your direction(s)
Well done mate :)
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Intersting, low-fi slacker feel to this.
There arrangement and sound is good.
Feels like you got your style together
:)
neil
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Loving the lyrics and the groove - Very raw but enjoyable.
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Great stuff - I think this is a piece of controlled wildness which for a song works better than uncontrolled wildness. I'm always tempted to say a stronger beat could nail down the song more but I think that may be my prejudice of trying to make this more hiphop than NamelessMC style which contains more blues and rhythm from the guitars. And whistling hounds!
My view - keep doing what you're doing!
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This is crazy - it's really great
You mention not knowing what you want from feedback here, and I think it's an interesting point to make. What is there to say about 'finished songs'. I think really we should all post in 'works in progress'.
Validation - you've got lots of that. So what i'll suggest is to be even more you. What's valuable here is how idiosyncratic your work is. i'd push that to the extreme. The playing is lose, the vocal has a very raw 'one shot'/'one take' feel which is really great. Maybe formalise that? Always record in one take, and maybe seek out an old reel to reel four track - record straight onto tape (ebay has lots cheap). it's all going to add to that raw sound. I think a steel top, resonator, or similar guitar might really suit this whole vibe too. And maybe even look up a Green Bullet for vocals. Go all in on your sound.
enjoyed it, thanks .
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I'm new here, so I haven't heard any of your other songs, but I'll check them out.
My favorite things about this is the howlin' wolf sound and the sound of your voice. I like the guitar. The lyrics I thought were a little conventional for the rest of it. I'd probably prefer your weirder stuff more. But I did like this a lot.