The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Ramshackles on July 30, 2018, 07:18:17 AM
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Finally finished this one!
All feedback appreciated :)
Lyrics:
Far away my lover does roam
How many days have I spent on my own
The comes a time when your out of hope
You'll find your love has followed you back to your home
Loin des mois, mon amour voyage,
Le temps rallonge qu'on est séparé
Vient en moment où l'espoir s'envole
Quand toujours mon amour š'en revient près de moi
Cold stranger, you walk in to call in
You called me lover so many years ago
Old ranger, through forest to river
I called you mountain so many years ago
Through raking snowfall,
Breaking tracks throughout evenfall
Still the time moves slowly
When you're waiting on you lonely mountain to call
Cursed ocean, puts waves between us,
Fight through the tempest and schemes of Prospero
Torn cotton, puts sails between oceans
And brings back mountain from so many years ago.
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Thanks for the update, I've been waiting for this one....
I'll be in touch
cpm
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Lovely Song. Can you post the lyrics? I think i picked out most of the lyrics. Its a gorgeous song and can tell its a labour of love. Am i right that its just piano and vocals (2)? Any other sounds in here?
Overall i think its great. I do wonder whether you should slightly soften the vocals, maybe with a touch of reverb. Only because youve got a lot of high notes in the song and also you have a lot of high pitched piano too.
Perhaps an octave lower on the piano would work too? But this is not to say that it doesnt work as is. It most certainly does. Great work.
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yes, a very nice song.
I'd like to read the lyrics too.
do post them. :)
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Lovely Song. Can you post the lyrics? I think i picked out most of the lyrics. Its a gorgeous song and can tell its a labour of love. Am i right that its just piano and vocals (2)? Any other sounds in here?
Thanks! The first ~1.30 is piano and vocals. At around ~1.30, ukelele, guitar, some light percussion and more vocals enter
Overall i think its great. I do wonder whether you should slightly soften the vocals, maybe with a touch of reverb. Only because youve got a lot of high notes in the song and also you have a lot of high pitched piano too.
Perhaps an octave lower on the piano would work too? But this is not to say that it doesnt work as is. It most certainly does. Great work.
Good point. I am not sure I am totally finished with the mix either - I may revisit the vocal processing.
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@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) @mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) , Lyrics posted!
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Lovely song! I hear Maddy Prior (big praise from me!) and what a lovely jazzy feel. In "part 2" the song swings along with a lovely rhythm, but there's so much more to it than that - I love the way it ebbs and flows.
Couple of points - some of the "S" sounds seem to be a bit too suppressed, possibly a tweak needed to any de-essing you might have on there. Also, on "Cursed Ocean" there seems to be a noticeable increase in saturation/overdrive on the vocal (or something like that), compared to what had gone immediately before. Tiny points.
Very pretty song.
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Yo Ram.
'Tis a lovely piece.
Fine playing and vocals worthy of inclusion on any 'Transatlantic Session' album collection.
Very 70s folk in the way the cool transitions pan out. People have no affinity with this format now. Their loss.
My ears thank you for the listen.
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Hmmm....lovely song and splendid arrangement. Melodically it sounds natural and flows like a river. I liked the change at 1:27 - that works perfectly and the song takes on a whole new feel. The song sounds like it's been around forever and passed down through the ages like a traditional folk tune.
The only negatives for me were the slightly strained vocal - I think the key is maybe a half step too high. The notes are all hit but sometimes the sweetness goes. I agree with the person who said the vocal could do with softening, maybe with some more reverb. Aside from these minor matters, this is probably one of the best songs I've heard on here in a long time.
M
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Thanks @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) & @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Everyone points to the slightly harsh vocal/maybe too dry and I think its right. I will definitely tweak the mix.
Aiming for a song that sounded both traditional but original was the aim in both songwriting and arrangement. I quite pleased with the 'traditional' feel. I always find it impossible to judge 'original' with my own work...
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1:30 ! YES
How beautiful is that breakdown - it came in just as I thought - it needs to change key of something and then bam it changed and so did the whole song.
Fantastic piano playing as well.
Good insight.
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Ramshackles. This has been a fascinating journey (Oh shit did I just say journey ). OK then an observation of your development process. The result is exquisite, clever, subtle and an absolutely wonderful song. Top marks all around in my book
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I really liked the development of this song, especially in the instrumental break out section that was then enhanced by the more lively vocals - contrasting with the delicacy of the earlier section. The piano accompaniment is sweet and of a bygone era I guess, but very nice too - I do like this unique musical space you have carved for yourself here @ramshackles
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Really well arranged and delivered, someone else said Maddy Prior, is she singing on it? @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) mentioned aboiut the '70's vibe - he's spot on, I think it could have been on a few albums of that era.
When I heard the first stems I wondered how on earth you would meld the 2 and craft a coherent song from them, it sure works.
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Lovely arraigning. The intro is so catchy - in a good way. I feel like the vocals sits quite good in the mix. And the vocal harmonies works well too.
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What a lovely song @Ramshackles (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6887) - and I'm a folky at heart so this is right up my street. Loved the piano and the harmonies and when you move into the second section that really works beautifully as a contrast and the lovely movement with that fluid timing puts me in mind sitting and enjoying a really good trad session.. Stand out for me was when the lovely folky harmonies kick in at 1.47 but loved the whole thing.. Big thumbs up from me!
Karen
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) I'm glad I could take you on a journey :P. I guess you are referring to me posting the development process of the song?
@Featherstone (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21146) yes! I was not-so-secretly hoping the breakdown would go down well. I figured I couldn't sustain the little ditty any longer.
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) thanks for all your help during the development!
I will have to look up Maddy prior. I am vaguely aware of her and steeleye span but have taken the time to really listen to any of their stuff
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Beautiful song.
This is a mini epic.....I love songs with different segments.
Some excellent singing and love the piano playing ....some great arrangements.
A great listen
Sandeep
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Ramshackles
I’m so pleased that the guitars were introduced for this song. They are quite delightful when they arrive. The piano vocal is endearing but the variation that the guitars provide is uplifting and refreshing. It is a song that takes the listener on a journey.
Paul
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I didn't hear any of the development of this, but just on first listen it is lovely.
Pleasing melody that has stayed in my head afterwards. Nice arrangement in which i especially enjoyed the change to focus to guitar, then bringing the piano back in. Really caught my ear and helped sustain my interest.
Lots to love and I loved it :)
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) I'm glad I could take you on a journey :P. I guess you are referring to me posting the development process of the song?
@Featherstone (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21146) yes! I was not-so-secretly hoping the breakdown would go down well. I figured I couldn't sustain the little ditty any longer.
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) thanks for all your help during the development!
I will have to look up Maddy prior. I am vaguely aware of her and steeleye span but have taken the time to really listen to any of their stuff
My pleasure...
Maddy also did some stuff with Ralph Mc Tell, his track 'Maddy Dances' was about her.
cpm
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This is just a really beautiful, well thought out song. The instrumentation is gorgeous as is the ladies voice. She has fab range!! No nits from me, just happy ears! ;D