The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: PaulAds on August 28, 2015, 11:34:30 AM
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There's a great line from john cooper clarke
"You made my life a fairy-tale...Grimm"
And an advertising campaign from a phone company
"The future's bright...the future's *****"
So I've been writing this
Grimm
You close your eyes
And say a prayer
The sky is grey
There's no one there
You make a wish
And click your heels
You know the rest
And how it feels
You're gonna sink
You gotta swim
The future's here
The future's Grimm
You take a chance
for which you'll pay
You flip a coin
It floats away
You pay the price
And count the cost
You know the way
And end up lost
You're gonna sink
You cannot swim
The future's here
The future's Grimm
You spread your wings
You'll never learn
You're flying high
You crash and burn
You wring your hands
And ask them why
They serve you up
Another lie
You're gonna sink
You try to swim
The future's here
The future's Grimm
You shake your head
and walk away
You live to lose
Another day
You're gonna sink
You learn to swim
The future's here
The future's Grimm
You reach the shore
and in the sand
a crown, a torch
an outstretched hand
The last lines just came to me as the ending of what I'd written reminded me of the ending of "planet of the apes"
Anyone think I should leave that reference in or remove it?
Thanks!
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Hi,
I thought this was a good portrayal of the humdrum nature of everyday life! Its something we can all relate to. Usually met with the 'mustn't grumble' response!
The verses all flowed along nicely and fed into each other.
That last verse capped it off perfectly with the reference to the Statue of Liberty and the 'American dream' which is just a myth for the majority of people.
Nice one,
Phil.
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Cheers, Phil :)
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I really like compact lyrics and there are no wasteful words here!
Any idea of genre? I couldn't pick one up..
I don't the think the "Grimm" connection will be made when sung - all we'll hear is "grim" (unless you mention fairy tale somewhere) but I'd leave it as the title anyway - it's cool!
Good work
Paul
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Thanks, Paul
the music is kind of uptempo... '80s style clean guitar and acoustic with a mix of anger and despair...two old pals of mine :)
oh and either a piano line or maybe an oboe or flute ?
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i did the vocal this morning...i'll put a link up in the WIP section...
https://soundcloud.com/thefuneralcrasher/grimm
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I like these words, economical and the meter is really good ready, with a catchy chorus.
Re the last line, I'm not sure its needed although it provided an interesting twist to the end
Interesting to hear what you do with it.
:)
Neil
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Loved these lyrics Paul and having seen the original film
i thought the last verse was cool,
tom.
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Oh the possibilities this lyric opens up. I am so much a fan of the economical lyrical, so good to put music too. This is one is really neat, a fantastic idea and well crafted.
Allan.
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Thanks Allan :)
It was one of those where it just came pouring out at me..i think i had about fourteen verses at one point!
(http://i1057.photobucket.com/albums/t391/mrpaulads/Liberty_zpsn7ujfq6c.jpg)
ps it is a crown and a torch isn't it?
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Hmmm i guess you managed to monkey around with it enough to turn it into your own and not just ape someone elses idea.
In the end its all about perspective, not so grimm for the chimps eh? 😉
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swings and roundabouts ;)