[ScottLevi]

Hey,

Here's one I've been developing from some lyrics I posted early December.

The lyrics came first, then the guitar then the drum track - but now I think maybe the lyrics / vocals are pulling it back. Not that they're necessarily bad, but it all just doesn't quite match together.

I tried really hard with the timings, but know there's still a of issues around especially around "would you take a pin and burst your bubble".

Anyway I'm going to park it for now, so thought I'd throw on here and see if anyone has any suggestions, thoughts or ideas.

https://soundcloud.com/namelessmc/give-it-up-demo


<sub>I'm a troubled man but,
Ent we all?
So have a bit of empathy,
Life is cruel

...

Would you really wanna live in the real world
If its no better than the fantasies
And lies we build?

Would you really wanna give it up give it up?
Would you really wanna give it up?

...

Live in ignorance the
Would would fall
Don't wanna go on but we're
Responsible

...

Would you take a pin and burst your bubble
If you're floating in the air
looking down at trouble?

Would you really wanna give it up give it up?
Would you really wanna give it up?</sub>


All the best,
Scott.

[exfairy]

Okay no expert in this genre of music but I'm assuming you just used midi tracks for the drums? If possible maybe use live instruments instead? Or just find like boxes or bottles or something. I think it'd sound a lot better that way. Also the piano was a bit random so maybe adjust the volume levels against the guitar and vocals?
Hope that helps

[CaliaMoko]

This is totally not my genre. I don't know what genre it is, actually. Have no idea. It's intriguing. The first word that came to my mind while listening to it was "beatnik". It reminded me of the poetry readings (like open mic, except for reading or reciting original poetry), where the audience would snap their fingers instead of applauding if they liked it. I never experienced this in person, but I read about it and saw it in a movie or two.

I think you can make this work with more effort. Sounds like you're going to take a break from it, which may help to recharge your battery and bring you fresh insights for continuing the struggle. I don't have any specific suggestions. As you are already aware, it needs work on the timing and bringing the parts together. Right now it sounds very experimental with disjointed or disconnected sounds not really meshing into a unified whole.

[ScottLevi]

Hey hey.

Cheers exfairy, my midi controller is my new toy so though your comments are valid, I'm too invested to use it at the moment xD

Thanks for taking a listen Vicki, genre definitely not my strong point  but I'm happy with that, glad to hear you think it has potential.

Just felt miserable when it came out like after a long time working so felt like throwing it away but I've got some concrete ways to improve so think I'll stick with it for a bit.

All the best,
Scott.

[Morefrog Jones]

I'm not sure I'm smoking the right stuff to get this

Its is odd and unconventional Scott - So you are going to have a bit of a limited market for this sort of stuff but as ive said -  you should go with heart and do it your way - To me Its is poetry set to Free Style Les Dawson On Acid Style Jazz music - 

But to be serious for a moment I think Marc Bolan Started doing this sort of Stuff - and he did alright for himself (apart from the die-ing in a car crash bit) - Check this out - it does not sound a million miles away from your song.

Go with what you are feeling you might hit a seam of gold and produce something memorable. Its a steep learning curve.