The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on January 02, 2018, 09:59:55 PM
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First song of the year is what my friend Karen calls a 'JentleBrains song' so if you are looking for driving drums, rocking guitars and raspy rock voice look elsewhere.
I come from a small town, I escaped, some did not and faded...
https://soundcloud.com/jambrains/fade
All and any input welcome.
FADE
She said, get us out of here
The fireworks have started
and I can't stand another year
let's burn all of the bridges
that connect us to the past
so it won't come back to haunt us
until, at last
we slowly fade
to gray
We slowly fade to gray
To gray
Wipers working hard to clear the rain
it's pouring down, as if it's trying
to wash away the pain
Driving through my childhood haunts
I've raced these dirty streets
I’ve had some victories
but more defeats
and slowly, I faded
to gray
I faded to gray
To gray
Make a right turn, she said
People here don't know it
but they are all dead
They can not fight this fight
if they fear to lose
So they convince themselves
This life is what they choose
and slowly, they all fade
to gray
They all fade to gray
To gray
Their dreams
were sold to them
on the glossy pages
of mulit-color
lifestyle magazines
But our dreams
lie beyond the city's border
where life is unpredictable
and cannot be forseen
We've should have known it was to late
pulled over by the state patrol
A broken taillight sealed our fate
We turned the car around
and headed back from where we came
and before we even knew it
we were trapped
and slowly we faded
to gray
We faded to gray
To gray
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Quality song JB. I love it. 8)
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A theme I've visited a few times myself. I do prefer this side of your talents - very nice instrumentation and I was with you in the car as you attempted your escape. I like the detailed lyrics and lack of cliche in your writing. Strong, original song with a cyclical feel that I always like in a song.
Lovely.
M
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Hey JB (or should I say GB?)
this has everything for me - great storytelling, very relatable images (the fireworks, the wipers...) and a strong and well delivered message, plus sensitive instrumentation and arrangement.
I'd like to hear the vocal a bit closer, not sure if it's the reverb you've used but to me it sounds a little behind the instruments...
But really outstanding work I would say.
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Hi,
I really love the lyric to this song. Very vivid in their description and a great subject topic.
I do find the verse slightly stronger than the 'chorus' though.
Great song!
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Hi
Lovely piano intro leading into a nicely arranged song. The lyrics paint the picture well, and the "State Patrol" made it an american story for me.
The effect on the vocals makes them feel like they don't sit comfortably with the accompaniment. I wouldn't know what setting to change though!
I agree with Anitafox in that the verse feels stronger than the chorus.
I like the instrumental, but felt like it could do another round. Just my view!
James
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Lyrics are almost Springsteen-esque and very evocative.
Love the piano, which really drives the song.
Good job,
Kevin
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@Skub: thanks!
@montydog: so happy to hear you liked it, after all, this style is more of your turf than mine :)
@adamfarr: I think I'll stick with JB for yet awhile :) I'll double the the vox, the level of the vox is one of the hardest thing when it comes to mixing I think
@AnitaFox: thanks, I kind of agree with you re the chorus, actually I'm not sure if it is really a chorus at all :)
@jamesh: thanks! See replies above re the vox and chorus
@kevysc: thanks! Springsteen? Wow! I must admit I've never understood the greatness of The Boss (wait, what is that? Tar? Feathers? Argh...) with one glaring exception: The River. One of the best (and saddest) songs ever written (in my book)
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Really powerful lyric telling such a strong, and relevant story to so many people.
Beautiful melody with some interesting twists, and the playing and singing were fabulous.
Will have to look out for more of your work!
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Hi JB, yes this is gentle for you. This is a quality song with lots of feeling, emotion and excellently produced. Top work :)
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Yeah!!almost perfection for me mate, perfection IMHO would be some added harmonies towards the end and some vibrato on the long grey :)
nit picking though..it's a fab number and so well executed!! :)
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Delicious song mate. The quieter mood is a great canvas for your voice (although don't deny us of the rockers going ahead).
Lyrically it's almost crushingly sad and something pretty much everyone will be able to identify with, so it is going to resonate well. I was also thinking "Springstein" even before reading Kev's comment, although I guess The Boss would have had the characters escaping the grey city in some fist-pumping choruses.
I liked the ebb-and-flow of it too: the way you build and then strip it back again towards the end.
I also liked the way in the lyrics something as simple as a broken tail light brings down the dream; the story isn't overblown.
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Well written. I think the imagery is its strength. I love the symbolism, and not being sure if they are trapped back in the life they were trying to leave, or if they crashed. I like that you left room for interpretation there. I have the same reservations about the chorus you do. I'll give it another listen and see if there are answers in the music I didn't get first time. Thanks for sharing.
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Tip Top, JB...really enjoyed it.
This is much better than having all those nasty noisy guitars thrashing around the place :D
Tee Hee x
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@dasntn, @pompeyjazz: thanks for the very kind words :-)
@shadowfax: lol, yeah, always wanted a vibrator but never figured out how to do it. My vibrato on guitar on the other hand is flawless ;D
@PaulyX: thanks man, so glad you got the tail light thing, that was exactly my intention, having a small, trivial thing making a huge impact.
@redrhodie: thanks! I was not aware that the ending was ambiguous, my intention was always that they went back, got stuck and faded.
@PaulAds: yes, them guitars are really noise, are they not? ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Hello mate,
I always enjoy your tunes. This is another goodie. I especially love the melody, nice work on that. :)
You are always so good at arranging your songs and the music just sounds so “pretty!” (sorry man,not the most manly thing I’ve ever said! ;D)
I especially love the guitar solo, we all know you play like a boss, but what I really appreciate is the restraint u show by not just going off on one, it’s perfect for the song and fades nicely into the break.
Bravo sir! I’m curious about this new platform you are using? I must explore more me thinks.
Cheers dude!
Leo ;D
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Hi Jahans
Sorry for delay in listening and commenting
Liking this, really good poignant lyrics all tastefully played and sung.
Builds a bit like a Scorpion ballad and then we have a restrained solo!
Lots to like here.
:)
neil
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Hi Jambrains,
Does it for me, both music and lyrics stick around long after it's over. I'm not really familiar with anything you've posted before, but judging by what one or two others have said, it sounds like you sometimes like to turn it up to eleven. Finding fault is difficult, though i think your vocal could be a wee bit more forceful in places. That being said, it's a beautiful piece of work my friend.
Vintage54
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Seems like a perfect song to me
Top lyrics
Great performance and production
Thanks for sharing your gift!
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Hi JB,
I'm finding myself more and more drawn to piano/keys these days.
This sounds great - a quality addition to your more rocked up songs.
The production is really good.
I think it could have easily become overblown, but you've handled the track with restraint and class.
Top notch.
Digger