[adamwolf]

I never know how to start these posts, I've been away for a while and I hope everyone is doing well in these weird times.

I'd like to know what you think of this song. I generally find the lyrics easier but playing and singing are really important to me so I would really appreciate it if you have feedback on what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.

I've been told before -not for this song specifically- that there are major issues with the rhythm and the melody doesn't work with what I'm playing so it sounds like a mess, but I can't tell if maybe the style I'm going for with my songs is a bit different than what my friends who told me that listen to and I'm close but not pulling it off enough, or if I really am that far off of making it sound like...a song and you know...music?




I'll never see this road the same
now that I've seen the edge
I'll never hear the flicker of a flame
the same now that I've felt those of hell

I was building in the dark
surrounded by barbed wire
but a sword needs a spark
to light the fire

if I accept my fate
my hands are tied
you said a hero carries the weight
and stands up with a smile

I walked between these voices
laughter can sound so sharp
no one knew no one noticed
can you hear the pain in my heart?

'cause I talked no one heard it
you saw a corpse and you burnt it
and I talked no one heard it
you saw a corpse and you burnt it


I stood up with a smile right in front of you
is this a weight you care enough to know?
open your eyes it may surprise you
and don't dare say you've ever looked before

I'll never see this road the same
now that I've seen the edge
I'll never hear the flicker of a flame
the same now that I've felt those of hell


I never played in front of anyone so I'm never sure how it sounds to other people if that makes any sense. Would appreciate your time to know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong, and obviously how I can get better with the singing, writing melodies, playing and 'performing' (if you can call it that), I know it takes time trust me, I'm just really discouraged and wanna how to improve and whether there's even any potential.

[shadowfax]

Lyrics are really good initially the song meanders a bit with nothing for the listener to grab hold of, at around 1.25 the song really takes off..a lot of potential here now and quite dramatic with those excellent lyrics, my advice is to shorten the first half of the song and use the guitar a little more..it's a bit too empty..and yeah..the singing needs to improve but your at the stage I was at when I started, I couldn't sing to save my life and would never had found the courage to post a vid of me singing...so good on you mate...work at it and you'll make it because the talent is there for sure....

keep on keepin on

[cowparsleyman]

@adamwolf - How timely...I was missing your stuff.

I really like your work, you swim against the tide, and to me that's a big deal, you obviously have a clear idea of what you want, do what your heart tells you, and only then can your journey between songs be true.

The passion in your vocal delivery is married with the playing, a direct correlation twixt the both.

As for the rythmn, it's difficult what you do, so just do it.

Sounds good to me, especially the outdoor sounds.

If anything I'd bring up the Lead Vocal and slightly widen the guitar in the mix.

@shadowfax is right, plenty of talent, and boy, you have a way with words, and how to deliver them.

Hope this helps

[Grubstar]

Hi Adam

I really think your lyrics are very strong and you create great imagery. I also think your vocals have potential but do need developing.

 In my opininon I think the best way of progressing is to get some structure to your songs by deciding which is the chorus and which are the verses and then make sure they are balanced in terms of number of lines and syllables.

Once you have achieved this you need to develop the melody for both the verse and chorus over the chords that you use and then practice singing it so that you've got it nailed. You can then start to arrange the song how you like but  remember melodic repetition is a key element of most music so try to make the chorus the most powerful section and repeat it throughout the song.

Anyway, keep going you've done the hardest part by recording a song and a video and posting it that really takes a lot of courage. Well done.

[dinnerwithgreedo]

I agree with everything ShadowFax said. Good luck!!

[Jamie]

Hi, what Kevin (Shadowfax) said.........

Agree wholeheartedly.

Jamie

[Andreas]

You definitely have a way with words, I can tell! You have all the potential in the world, so just keep doing your thing and enjoying it

[adamwolf]

@shadowfax Thanks, man. I put up a video because at one point I thought it might get me more feedback than soundcloud and no one I know really knows about them so there's isn't much courage there lol I just don't really know how I'm supposed to improve with the singing, practicing being in tune or whatever ends in frustration and I can't get vocal lessons, I haven't improved in so long I can't even tell anymore if it sounds horrible or like there's something to work with.

@cowparsleyman Thanks It's good to be back . I guess passion in the voice is just as important as skill so I'm glad that I have that. Thank you

@Grubstar Yeah I usually do a bad job of sticking to a structure and this one definitely has an odd one with almost no repetition so you're right there! I'm glad to hear that my vocals have potential!! Thanks.

@dinnerwithgreedo @Jamie
 Thanks

@Andreas Thanks so much, man

[shadowfax]

The more you sing, the better you get..I've never had any singing lessons I just kept at it and slowly got better..one important point about singing is..open your mouth, when I started I was trying to sing as if I was talking but then noticed how wide singers on the tv opened their mouths ..so I started doing that and it helped a lot...
@adamwolf

[Andyb]

This is pretty intense stuff. For me it's not about conforming to rules that a lot of us tend to stick to... Numbers of lines / bars in a verse etc. I think this suits this avante garde approach. It would be very difficult for a band to follow but as it's just you leading the song you can go wherever you want. It's almost accompanied poetry. Vocals if I'm honest a bit durgey not very melodic but again I think it's befitting of this songs. Lyrically just a couple of niggles for me "a sword needs a spark" for example doesn't make sense to me as a sword doesn't need a spark so perhaps tighten up on these little things as your music is definitely more about the lyrics than anything else. I am perhaps being overly critical but please do me a favour continue to disregard the rules and be different this is your greatest strength. Some people won't get it true but in these times especially when we are force fed commercial music designed to appeal to a broad a demographic as possible with result being bland and predictable. Believe in yourself a bit more, there's a lot in this song to be proud of.

[pompeyjazz]

Good to see you around again @adamwolf I have to agree with what Shadowfax says. You're songs have a huge amount of potential and you've a great voice. The lyrics are well written and interesting as well. Keep it up, you're doing really well and it's great to watch your progression.

[Sebandme]

Adam so glad you're back I'm a major fan of yours I absolutely love your style and lyrics are always really edgy. I love this.  Keep it coming

[adamwolf]

@Andyb Thank you so much! Yeah I'm trying to work on singing in a way to deliver the nuance of the melody better, the way it sounds in my head....but still struggling lol. The line 'a sword needs a spark' has the next part which is 'to light the fire', I'm referring to making a sword..like forging it , the way blacksmiths would using heat to shape it, so the spark is to light that fire. Meaning I can't even try to fight because of simple small stuff that need to be the stepping stones. I don't know if it still sounds weird,, hope not lol. But seriously, man, thanks so much for your kind words!!

@pompeyjazz Thanks, it's good to be back😄

@Sebandme  Thanks bro! Likewise!