[dchip]

I'm testing a loop that I had in my head.

I'd appreciate your thoughts please.

You can be as brutal as you like, it's all good.

https://soundcloud.com/uke-an-singalong/busy-people/s-A4IfIJiKBrh?si=0c92d3dbab794d31a6278023cbf448ac&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing


Maggie is a Protégé
A player in life's symphony
she has a special talent
that will help all those that cannot see

Donald knows his purpose well
he saves the things that do not sell
and puts them all together
in a place he knows he'll never tell.

People, all are people

Bart and Sally find an ally
round the corner from the shop
leaning, meaning, windows cleaning
minutes later tensions drop.

June and Mable find a table
in the usual way today
find their usual pot of tea's all
finished by the time they say.

People, all are people.
People, busy people.

Okay, I've made some changes...

Maggie is a Protégé
A player in life's symphony
she has a special talent
that will help all those that cannot see

Donald knows his purpose well
he saves the things that do not sell
and puts them all together
in a place he knows so very well.

People, all are people

June and Mable find a table
in the usual way today
find their usual pot of tea's all
finished by the time they say.

Bart and Sally in the ally
round the corner from the shop
leaning, meaning, windows cleaning
minutes later tensions drop.

People, all are people.
People, busy people.

-----------interlude with loop variation 2x

-----------back to main loop for last two verses

How we live and how we die
Who knows all the reasons why
Who knows why it matters
And who knows why we try

Do Reasons give it meaning?
Are reasons why we try?
Will reasons have us living on
long after we die?

------- loop fades to finish

Changes...
# Re-arranged the middle 2 verses, I think it flows better that way.
# Modified the 'Bart and Sally' verse, I want to allow for the possibility they are being mugged.
# Created last 2 verses that really seem more like one and are very different from the others.

EDIT:

I've cleaned up the initial recording, removed some background noise and added a fade in/fade out. The original vocals/lyrics are the same.

I think the fade in and out helps to suggest the stories are a constant stream that the listener only hears when the volume allows. The idea is that life is stream of stories into which we are briefly tuned.

[Wicked deeds]

Hey @dchip,

Really interesting to hear your songwriting approach.  I guess it's similar to the way that ~I do things.  I listened to your your intro and immediately my mind locked into the rhythm and timbre of this beautifully melodic instrument.   You say that this is a basic recording but the seeds of something quite wonderful have been planted.  Immediately, you're telling stories that engage the listener.  It carries me off to a world that engages my imagination just as all good songwriting should.

Kudos,

Wicked Deeds

[dchip]

Thanks @Wicked deeds, your comment and the timing of it has helped me immensely with this project.

I've made a few changes.

I need to re-record but I have some learning to do before that happens.

EDIT:

I've cleaned up the initial recording, removed some background noise and added a fade in/fade out. The original vocals/lyrics are the same.

I think the fade in and out helps to suggest the stories are a constant stream that the listener only hears when the volume allows. The idea is that life is stream of stories into which we are briefly tuned.

[attar033]

I really enjoyed your track. It is hauntingly beautiful. The only technical thing I would probably change is the levels of the vocals. It needs to be a bit lower. I also think you should push it back a bit with some reverb/ambience. Not too much just a little bit. Too much room/ambience would kill the intimate nature of the vocals and that is one of its strongest points. The lyrics and music fit beautifully.
Thanks for sharing this track.
Best Regards
Robert