The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on March 01, 2021, 09:37:18 PM
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Hi All,
First solo song for me for many many months.. Now you'd think, that considered, that I'd have gone for something easy like a piano/vox 1+1 wouldn't you? But no.. I've dragged every dusty instrument from every corner of the house for this..including low whistle and even my old harp, which I have not played since I was a kid and swore I'd never play again... drums are courtesy of my 16-year old daughter who offered when she heard me cursing the dearth of suitable 6/8 beats in my EZdrummer packs... bass, as always Mr MonnoDB.. A family affair this one :)
As always my thanks to @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) who generously helped me as much as he could remotely sort out my muddy mess of mids among other things... Patience of a saint that fella :) !
I'm sure I'll return and tweak so all feedback will be gratefully received..
Watch all the good people
Try to survive
Cheerfully pushing through
Their struggle disguised
Watch the lonely
As they say goodbye
Their gentle smiles that hide
The pain inside
Open your eyes
You might be surprised
At all the trouble
Hidden in plain sight
If you open your eyes
Watch the childless
As they pass you by
Empty arms that ache
For what they're denied
Watch those left behind
They might seem alright
With a hole that can't be filled
No matter how hard they try
Open your eyes
You might be surprised
At all the trouble
Hidden in plain sight
If you open your eyes
What you want is what you don't have
You want the silver lining but never the cloud
Show me love and I'll show you pain
Maybe the sun shines only after the rain
Open your eyes
You might be surprised
At all the trouble
Hidden in plain sight
If you open your eyes
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Wow ! @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Harps are in vogue atm, and a real one. I love this, its such a sweet melodic number and I love it that you've roped in the rest of the family on this one. I must say that the drums sound fantastic. A beautiful song indeed. Bravo to all involved 👏
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Oh what a lovely and unique voice! Catchy chorus. I like the way the mood changes for the chorus, the clouds lifting to let the sun shine through. Great drummer too!!
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi
really liked this, different enough to be intriguing, lovely unique vocal flowing through a tasty melody. A good family bash, well done.
BB
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Your vocals on this remind me of Buffy Saint Marie which is a lovely thing. I like the instruments you have chosen here - the harp is particularly effective;why don't more people use it in their arrangements. You have skillfully made the music open out on the "open your eyes" line so it perfectly supports the song. This is a very strong song as a stand alone but with the skill you have used in the production and arrangement it really comes alive. It's really rather brilliant and makes me jealous.
M
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, you had the full bejasus thing going on there to be sure ;), with the harp and the woodwind! I love your vocal on this, it stands out beautifully against the arrangement. Roping the whole family in, that saves on royalty payouts.... ;) ;D
Nice one! 8)
Jamie
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Hi Karen @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820), very clever yet restrained use of the harp. The drum crescendo into the uplifting chorus is quite wonderful. The melody throughout is very kind of pronounced but dips into minor chord territory just in time to pull at the heart strings.
Just a very pure and beautiful song very well performed by all. One for all concerned to be proud of, and a celebratory achievement for you and your talented family. This has its roots in a Celtic tradition but your melody and bitter sweet vocal gives this an entirely contemporary edge. Very well done ;)
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Nice to hear a new one from you K and I think this is one of my favs, but I think I say that about every new tune of yours :-*
This is a truly lovely and talented creation. So cool that your family was a big part of it. That must feel so rewarding :)
Your voice is amazing in this and I love the harp and low whistle, and the drums are so tastefully done, as is the bass, organ and piano 8)
The melody and arrangement are lovely...lifts beautifully into the very catchy chorus. The lyrics are compelling and sad...all the lonely people :(
"You want the silver lining but never the cloud"...love this line :)
I can't say enough about how fabulous the whole production is, and I'm sure JB's magical touch added to the beautifully finished track :)
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) such a beautiful melodic song, great vocal, you have a distinctive voice and it really shines through... the instrumentation in this is brilliant too, the drumming is really great, constantly evolving and interesting but sits so well in the mix... and that harp!!! (Well all the instruments) Beautiful. Beautiful 👌
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oh this is charming!
yes, there's the harp.
that flute is nice!
I like the middle eight thing
then back to the refrain
nicefade out.
Well done!
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Nice one....a true family affair indeed! I have to say that the drums and bass really tie this package together perfectly.....both really well played.
I love how the instrumentation evolves with harp and various keys making well choreographed appearances.
Typically enigmatic lyrics....I do love how you write. And, of course, delivered as only you could. 8)
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Sounds amazing - your voice fits it perfectly, and I love the range of instrumentation used here. I thought at first the middle 8 was going to move into a flat beat rather than carrying on with the swing feel which would have been cool, though at like it as it was too. Thoughtful lyrics too. Well done! :)
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Love the chorus in particular and yes, the harp really works on this one, as does the flute. The tin whistle adds a nice Celtic feel ...
Super track, well done
Kevin
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This is excellent. Love the tremolo guitar chords!
The drums give it a really interesting and unique feel that suits the song perfectly. I always find that anything 3/4 or 6/8 dies an immediate and ghastly death in the (virtual) hands of almost all virtual drummers. Your daughter did fabulously here to save her Ma from such a fate. The chorus lifts very nicely indeed. Middle 8 section is lovely. Vocals are super once again. Nice work from Hubby on bass. I hope that got him out of doing the washing up over the weekend.
BTW, I thought the harp was really nice...an instrument I'd never thought about before...but a girl I got talking to during FAWM is a harp player and some of her stuff was fabulous and slightly blew me away with how it sounded. I'd definitely be tempted to use it more, if you could.
You never fail to impress me!
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Great song from a talented family. Really liked the drums and the other real instruments.
The song concept is really interesting and I like the way there isn't really a judgement or payoff - just open your eyes and make up your own mind.
I also like the way this is quite genre-less, and just what this song needed to be. Original and very well brought over.
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
I fantastic song with a great vocal and lyrics. The instrumentation is very impressive. I can't offer any crits as I like this just as it is. :)
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Great production and arrangement.
Perfect selection of instruments and I love the tempo changes.
Your vocal really shines (as usual)
I wasn't a fan off all those "I" rhymes but that's down to my poor taste in lyrics :D
Good work all involved!
Paul
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I reckon you are one the best songwriters I've heard in this group. The instrumentation is bang on. One minor point and it is absolutely personal preference but a wee bit less vibrato on the vocal would work better for me but I really am nit picking just for the sake of offering some constructive criticism. Really excellent stuff. Top job on the percussion
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As a Welshman...I'm loving the harp
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Hello Karen a very proper example of good songwriting and good production. I like it very much.
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Thanks so much for the great feedback... this may take a couple of visits to respond 🙂 I’ve not been around much. Blown away by the comments I thank you all!
@fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014) - thanks so much for your kind words!
@Welsh Steve (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22316) indeed - the auld Celtic influence. Thank you!
@Andyb (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20943) - thanks so much - what a lovely thing to say! I hear you on Larry the Lamb 🐑 as my somewhat excessive vibrato is called around some Scandinavian parts! I don’t consciously do it and so haven’t worked out how to control it and haven’t tried to ‘fix it’.... noted though... I might try and tackle it ... for now I just live with it. Thanks again - much appreciated!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - ya know I hadn’t even noticed that the ‘I’ rhymes were everywhere except the m8 until you pointed it out! How unobservant of me! Thanks for the listen and the lovely comments.
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) - thanks a million for those kind comments 🙂!!
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) thanks so much. Delighted you liked the Von Trapps' offering 🙂
Hey @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) thanks so much... yeah he defo earned his supper at least and my daughter appeared to enjoy the experience (long may that last!! How uncool to play on your ma’s stuff!). On the harp I would have said I had a hate hate relationship with it. It’s been sitting as an ornament in the house for so long and I swore I would never play it again - I think it has quite a ‘thin’ sound but something made me tune it up for the verse arps and then I found I quite enjoyed playing it when I figured out how to play it again :) arm position etc. ... believe or not it’s making an appearance on the next Ashes song too but I don’t expect that to be a frequent occurrence.. I really wish I’d spent all those hours as a kid learning something more useful.. like guitar!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) yes back to my roots with the low whistle and harp!! Thanks a mill!!
@The Holographic Rodeo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22741) - interesting point re the M8.. hmmm... thanks a mill for your great comments...
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) - thanks so much... too kind, sir.. yes indeed a family affair! :) Didn't see that one coming..
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - thanks a mill... yep harp and whistle indeed.. Much appreciated!
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) - thanks so much... such lovely comments!
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - wow what lovely comments... you are always so kind. Delighted you liked it... Actually JB didn't mix it - I'm sure it would be a lot better if he had done.. he just tried to steer me as much as he could remotely... he is a very patient man!! :) Thank you!!
Hey @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) what absolutely lovely comments. You're very kind thank you!! Delighted you liked it..
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - ha yes, we really did drag out the auld Celtic carpet for this one... Thanks so much for your lovely comments.. Hehe - royalties? What are they! :)
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - you, jealous? Now that's mad coming from you! Well I guess I'd never think of adding a harp if I didn't have one hanging around the house and it's taken me many years to be tempted to actually play it again... but I did enjoy using it once I got back into it... Thanks so much for your lovely comments...
@Beebeesmith (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22341) - thanks so much for that!! :)
@sweeny500 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22758) Thanks for that.. I'm very fond of said drummer :) !! Much appreciated!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - yes indeed they do appear to be - Rightly posted a track with a harp the same day as I did! What are the odds?? Thanks a mill the lovely comments!
K
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Great lyrics Karen! “You want the silver the lining, but never the cloud”. Love that thought. Really well done with the instrumentation and arrangement. The flute adds a haunting nature to the vibe and whatever microphone you are using captures the timbre of your voice nicely.
Cheers,
Aldrin
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@A Fernando (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22762) thanks so much for your kind comments!
K