Hi J,
I hope this doesn't come across as rude...but I couldn't understand what the song was trying to say. Maybe it's just me? I can kind of get a dark, depressed ambiance from it, and maybe that's what you're going for? Much of it seemed so random to me. I am curious about two things.
1. Because of how much trouble I had following what you were trying to say, both in the intro to the song and in the song itself, I'm wondering if English is a second language for you? If so, that could make it challenging.
2. Do you have a melody written for this lyric? Hearing how you sing it might give the song a little more clarity. For me, anyway.
I am far, far from being any kind of expert, so don't take any of this too seriously.
And, welcome to the forum. It looks like this may be your first post? It can be nerve-wracking to put your personal stuff out where anyone in the world can see it, so congratulations on doing that!
Best of luck with your music,
Vicki