UPDATE: 31 MAY 2017
The latest version of WALL SEEKER:
Darkness pervades my reality.
Mischief is everywhere I see.
Blindness mistaken for vanishing light.
Winds of despair blowing clouds in my eyes.
Searching for wisdom, I stumble and fall.
I flee from the watchmen, run into a wall.
There's nowhere to go; I've run out of time.
A burst of frustration persuades me to climb.
Wall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I will be.
The wall conceals something that's precious to me.
I need to take action; I know what to do.
Climbing the wall is my only way through.
I'm over the wall now and to my surprise
I find what I'm seeking, laid bare before my eyes
My vision is clear and my purpose is clear
Knowledge has helped me to sublimate my fear.
Wall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I've become.
I've more walls to climb; there is never just one.
Guided by watchmen; each wall that I find
Inspires me to leave my old blindness behindUPDATE: 20 APRIL 2017
All changes in BLUEThis is definitely a song in progress. So far it only has a double verse and a chorus. I'm uncertain about the melody, so I'm posting for feedback before I continue developing the song.
I think I've gotten the feel I want, but I wonder if I've gone too much all over the place with it. Should it be more consistent? For instance, what I have is basically two verses and a chorus. I call it a double verse, because there is one melody for the first verse and another one for the second, so kinda one big, long double verse. Would it be better if they were both the same melody or is this okay?
Of course, feel free to comment on anything. Except my guitar playing, which I already know is, shall we say, less than professional. But it's okay to tell me I should consider a different chord or chords wherever. Which reminds me--should the second line of the chorus lyric be changed? I could say "The wall's hiding something that's precious to me," which is sort of more accurate. "Covering" kinda sounds like it's right on top of whatever it's hiding, but the line with "hiding" felt more awkward to me. So opinions on that could be helpful.
Remember--be totally honest. I have very thick skin and actually enjoy getting strong criticism (as long as it isn't blatantly nasty).
Listen here:
https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/wall-seeker/s-y56TDLyric here:
WALL SEEKER
Verse 1Darkness pervades my reality.
Mischief is ev'rywhere I see.
Blindness mistaken for vanishing light.
Winds of despair blowing clouds in my eyes.
Verse 2Searching for wisdom, I stumble and fall.
I flee from the watchmen, run into a wall.
There's nowhere to go; I've run out of time.
A burst of frustration persuades me to climb.
ChorusWall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I will be.
The
wall covers wall's hiding something that's precious to me.
I need to take action; I know what to do.
To face the wall squarely will serve me truemy purpose in view.Climbing the wall is my only way through.
SOME IDEAS FOR VERSES 3 & 4
Obviously I can' use all of these ideas. My brain is over-stimulated and I need help narrowing down to the best ideas. I'm trying to get across the idea that I was wrong to run from the watchman. Instead, I should have analyzed the direction he was trying to chase me so I could find my wall (obstacle) quicker in order to find my purpose/beloved/desire faster. And the idea that I have now, thanks to the watchman, found my aforementioned purpose, etc.
Wonders revealed to my eyes
Over the wall, found what's on the other side
O wondrous watchman, you urged me to climb (helped me to find? led me to find? showed me the light?)
Helped me to conquer the [darkness? hindrance?] of my pride
Ecstacy right there in front of me
My heart's desire revealed for all to see
My eyes are open, my purpose now clear
Something has helped me to vanquish all my fear
Watchman, oh, you were so good to me
Guiding me where I need(ed?) to be
No longer hidden, the gift (goal?) of my life or: I have found the treasure of my life
Shining light eliminating the darkness of my night
No longer running away from my life
I've learned to turn and face the obstacles of life (not good, life rhyming with life)
I bless the watchman who guided my way
And I've pay away all my hatred and my ?? ??Copyright 2017 Vicki MorrisonEDITED 27 MARCH 2017