The title got me here
)
Definitely an eye-catcher.
Do you have a melody for this, style, genre, groove..
I love the idea in general, just some lines seem uneven? (like unstressed vs stressed syllables in some cases)
Cause in the end, you want to listen, no to read, of course, unless you have it figured out, then It's just my initial observation, without enough knowledge.
Lots of potential.
Kris