[DMBandit]

Hi all,

Posting up my first song to the forum here. Been writing for a while but just gotten back into it more seriously recently and recorded a couple of tracks. All feedback much appreciated.

Waking Dream:
https://soundcloud.com/dmbandit/waking-dream-1

Lyrics
Late night, streetlight, glowing
Turn left, turn right, keep going
Pondering takes time, wandering in wine
Step on brakes and slide, nothing wakes tonight

That one step too far, is it all we are
That one final touch
Is all we have, never enough

Bird flight, daylight, creeping
They hide, inside, sleeping
With no sense of now, never wonder how
Never wonder when, until they meet again

A threat unknown, a secret, you've been keeping on your own
A final sigh, is it why, those wide delightful eyes are weeping

Chorus
Something's happening, don't know what it means
A joke it's a funny thing, like a smokescreen
Is it just fantasy, a faux reality, is it all make believe
Nothing is what it seems, is it a waking dream

Hush now, lie down, breathe slower
For you, it's almost over
Your fight is fought, with the absence of thought,
A final call, a sweet release, a balled up thread of memories

And that one step too far, is it all we are
That one final touch, from afar
Is all we have but never enough

Chorus
Something's happening, don't know what it means
A joke it's a funny thing, it's like a smokescreen
Is it just fantasy, a faux reality, is it all make believe
Oh nothing is what it seems, is it a waking dream

Is it all we are
That one final touch from afar, is all we have but never enough

Chorus
Something's happening, don't know what it means
A joke it's a funny thing, it's like a smokescreen
Is it just fantasy, a faux reality, is it all make believe
Nothing is what it seems,
Oh nothing is what is seems,
Oh nothing is what it seems
Is it a waking dream

[tokenangmoh]

Hello and welcome!

You've got a great sound here. The guitars work beautifully.

Your voice is fantastic. It's a great, emotive performance and a really strong vocal treatment!

I found the intro too long, and I wasn't sure it added very much - especially when the track runs to 5.31... Your voice is so good, I want to get straight to it.

I must admit, I didn't find myself listening to the lyrics very much. They're clearly delivered, and they're nice when I read them, but my tastes run to a little more specificity, I guess. The line:

Something's happening, don't know what it means

seems to sum it up for me. That's perfectly appropriate for the title Waking Dream of course, but it might be nice to work something in there that's a bit more grabby, or to work more purposefully up to the idea of "waking dream". That idea only really "caught" for me around the 5.00 mark.

Mix-wise, I think the hi-hat is too loud. And when the bass gets heavy in the transition at 1.56, it seems to change the frequency balance without necessarily making it build. It just seems a bit abrupt...

But this is high-quality, classy stuff. Very well done and I can't wait to hear more.

Matt

[nooms]

topsong, really enjoyed this
the intros quite elegant and engaging, i didnt think it was too long..
lovely arrangmnt
really well sung , , great phrasing you were really in there..
love those builds, subtle but just perfect.. just enough drama
its like the backgrounds alive with ghosts..

welcome to the forum DM
get yourself involved and im sure the forum will open up for you
top song

[Paulski]

Welcome to the friendliest forum on the planet! Beautiful track - esp the vocals. I liked the time signature switches (to 3/4? not easy with today's DAWs) and the guitars as well. The mix is good - although sometimes when you sing "waking dream" early on it doesn't cut thru enough for me. Arrangement-wise I would recommend paring it down to under 4 mins. Again not easy but it would have more dramatic impact IMO.
Overall a lot of talent went into this - great job.
Paul

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Song's good musically and lyrically, and well-structured.
Instrumentation sounds nice too. Voice is superb especially getting soulful towards the end. Sounded really good.
Almost, but not quite, perfect.
Hard to please, aren't I?

Bloody good! Look forward to the other song you've recorded.

[DMBandit]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for the great feedback. Firstly I never even realised that the track is probably too long in general so thanks for drawing my attention to that Matt and Paul.

Matt, great feedback on the mix, it wouldn't really be my forte so definitely need some keen ears to tell me where I'm going wrong here. All I can hear now is how loud the hi-hat is! Point about the bass noted also cheers.

Mainly I'm really glad you all like it, always nice to hear I'm not wasting my time and I haven't had much feedback on the songs yet at all before so thanks for the confidence boost guys.

Mal

[crystalsuzy]

Welcome DMB I totally enjoyed your song...I thought it was quite brilliant  the guitar intro is absolutely beautiful, as is the melody and your vocals
I totally got caught up in the musical side of the song, so the lyrics kind of floated in the background not to say the lyrics didn't hold my attention, it's just that everything else was so darn good
The arrangement and production seemed pretty spot on to me
I can't wait to hear more of your stuff CS

[beckylucythomas]

Great song! I can't add much to what's already been said. Agree re the hi hat - a very easy fix. I also didn't really like the clap sound that comes in just before 2 mins. But other than that i can't find much to criticise. Love the guitar, esp at the beginning and end where it's quiet and lovely. Love the vocals.. Good lyrics. A really good listen!

[tone]

Very nice indeed! Really love your vocal performance, and guitars are excellent too. Agree about the intro being a little long.  But other than that it's a solid song with plenty of lyrical interest.

My only beef with this song was the bass drum pattern. When it plays 16th notes, I found it a bit jarring. 2 may have been ok, but three was too much for my tastes at least. Also felt the drums could have been mixed into the track a little more smoothly. They poke out a little at the mo.

Welcome to the forum - glad you've found us. Looking forward to hearing more. Great stuff

[DMBandit]

Thanks again guys, great feedback on the drums. Will definitely look at toning it all down there now 

Mal

[James Nighthawk]

Hello and welcome!

Another fan of the song here.

As tone mentioned the kick drum - it isn't "wrong" but, the kick step pattern suggests, momentarily, a modern "ed Sheeran" feel - which is then echoed again with the handclap parts that come in later. So, perhaps, you have a more biting modern edge in mind. If so, this track lacks the cut polish and sheen to pull that off at present. But the interesting thing is that it COULD go that way

It is perhaps testament to the writing that it could be produced as classic folk or modern acoustic poppery

Will be easily to see which side of the fence your future posts fall into! I like both, so win either way!

My only qualm - you label this "guitar pop" on Soundcloud. I think there is a law that a pop song cannot be >4mins, let alone 5

(joke!!...well, mostly!)

Acoustic pop Album track maybe? 

JNx

[Jamie]

Hi dm, guitars sound great, nicely picked out. Vocal also very strong. The verses are excellent melodically, the chorus is ok but is over shadowed by the great verses IMHO. Others have already picked out the nits on the recording and the length of the song, so I won't repeat them. Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie

[Boydie]

Lovely song

The vocal is AMAZING - I heard hints of Darren Hayes (Savage Garden)

The guitar intro is lovely and right up my street but I would personally review the length for a "demo" and make it shorter

The drums weren't working for me either - I would match up the kick pattern with the bass line and also find a different, mellower, kick sound - as well as smoothing out the other drum elements
I would love to hear this track pushed into one direction or the other as JN has pointed out

Either way it is a lovely listen

[Neil C]

Lovely evocative acoustic intro. Interesting rhythm supporting the the lyrics, with your good vocals creates a cool soundscape. Verse really catchy the chorus which leads to waking dream less so as others have commented.
Love the way it ends too.
 
Neil

[DMBandit]

Hi all,

Thanks again for some more great feedback.

James, you are spot on with what I was going for, a more modern feel with the drums. There wasn't a  lot of time put into the bass/drums though, it was just the first thing I came up with and thought it sounded ok. Totally take your point that it's not polished enough as it's really just a demo track that was recorded quite quickly. The drums and bass were added more as an afterthought but didn't have much studio time left to really work on it, just wanted to get the main feel of the song down. At least you get what I was going for (modern acoustic poppery  !
And yes it is too long and yes I can't classify it as pop never even thought of that

Everyone else, I prefer the verses to the chorus myself also. That's just what came out when I was writing it, totally agree could be better/catchier.
Songwriter question. Do people often revisit songs and for example scratch a chorus and come up with something new?
My feeling on this is that the song is written now, that's what came out at the time. I don't know how I'd feel about coming up with a new chorus but food for thought definitely.

Thanks a lot for the compliments on the vocals guys and for all the great feedback.

Mal