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montydog:

Hi,

This is a song I've been kicking around for a year trying to find a melody and approach to fit the lyrics and this is where I'm at. It's about a young guy who takes increasingly bigger risks starting at running red lights, gambling, getting chased by the police, dealing drugs and the inevitable end. His conscience chips in now and then but gets ignored.

I'm looking for feed back on the song quality and especially ideas for arrangement and instrumentation/approach. Please no comments about the subdued singing - it's meant to be quietly regretful and remorseful - it's not the bleeding Eurovision Song Contest!!

I hope you like it. BTW, it's the first time I've recorded an electric guitar and the first time I've experimented with a wammy bar to get that Twin Peaks sort of effect.

Thank you

Alan

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/jump-first

Jump first and look later
It's a chance taken heartbreaker
Take a faith leap and don't think
Who'll be the first to blink

My new car is so hard to beat
Chromium lights on mean streets
Look Ma!, there's no hands
I'm headed for the badlands

Pink lipstick short dress
Will she? it's your guess
I got good cards bad deck
Bet it all, it's my neck

On a two lane, black top
Foot down won't stop
Blue lights flashing bright
Never seen a better sight

Don't waste my time
If your gonna be a friend of mine and
Try to find a way soon
To pull this boy from his doom
To pull this boy from his doom

In your dreams it goes right
A better high everynight
You don't have to pay
For everything you did today

It's short term with no plan
And I don't give a damn
There's no wife and no kids
Just highs and lows with no mids

The last deal has gone bad
Lost everything I had
There's no time I can't wait
Better believe it's too late

Gut shot and my blood
Making red drops in the mud
What a short life lived fast
Had a great script but a bad cast

It was a good start but a sad end
Some rules just won't bend
So I'll see you someday
There's nothing more to say

Neil C:
Alan,
Great title and opening lines. In fact the lyrics are as ever top draw.
Got a bit of widescreen Bruce in there, they are that good IMHO.
Musically if you wanted to stretch it a bit differently you could rattle it along with more of a country/skiffle feel to it - a bit like Jake Bugg, Drums. bass, strummed acoustic or electric with your twin peaks lead..Just a thought.
Very 8) 8)
Neil

seriousfun:
+1 on the quality of the lyrics

Twas a bit long though and I wonder about the benefit of the da da da verse and repeating the chorus each time, without that in the arrangement I think it would be able to hold interest through out the song. I also wonder about a change to a strum for the chorus or at least something more to define it. '

Also I wonder about the title, would "pull this boy from his doom" be more apt?

Its a good song and thoroughly enjoyable be interesting to see what other people think on arrangement. Nice to hear a bit of electric in there you could bring it up a bit as well and feature it a bit more in places it was kinda subdued.

habiTat:
Hi Monty,

I like the added element of the electric (Twin Peaks) guitar, that's cool.

It depends what you want from the arrangement, I think it would benefit from some bass guitar, just underpinning it, now you have expanded with the electric. The other thing I think might work well is a solo for that electric, all spooky and bending, rather than having it just sit there on the right, in the background for the whole song. Let it step forward for a solo, it is the identifying feature of this song and deserves to have it's say at the front. :)

As for the subdued singing, that's great, who wants bouncy europop anyway :)

hab..

habiTat:
Just listened again... it was reminding me of something...

The Days of Pearly Spencer.. :)

I really like this one Monty, keep us posted on it's progress..

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