The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: nooms on July 24, 2016, 01:45:46 AM
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heres a song from neilc and myself and our entry for the 'bare bones' competition.
neils music and plays all the instruments
and my lyric and vocals
hope you like it
https://soundcloud.com/nooms-1/bare-bones-is-all-neilc-nooms-collab
bare bones is all
the talk is all around the room and outside undercover of a crowd
the jagged man is kind of nervous, for crying out loud
theres a notion on the streets in the rocket shop,
a naked flame is a shiny phone
panic swelling as the cavalry arrives, preparing to ride the nose cone
wearing out my welcome
wearing out my welcome
eyes beyond the clouds are watching
as im finding out
virgin marys on the dashboard, wearing a blindfold, worrying me
carreering down a black hole, staining all the lost souls
lo viola, low tone arm , slender fingers like a bolshoi butterfly
pauses for rest, delicate on a chair
i was a reading bout the unexplained, they were right and it remain so,
swelling by the pool and each night the desert moon shines on the say so
wearing out my welcome,
he was another kind of slave,
they took his long ragged spirit and they put it in the grave
he reached the shore before the wave
as im finding out..
the desert is more than sand
the desert is more than sand
the desert is more than oil
the desert is more than oil
bare bones is all
bare bones is power
bare bones is greed
bare bones is all
bare bones is power
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Hi Guys,
This is a great collab.
The soundscape is totally my thing.
The vocal made me think of Tom Petty a little - Into The Great Wide Open sort of vibe, but darker - more atmospheric. I love that it is quite low in the mix.
The music is brill - great stuff Neil. Would love to hear more in this vein.
And my voting list is torn up again..........
Digger
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excellent work, fellas
some great chord changes and the vocal adds a great feeling of mystery
the lyrics are brilliant...i'm very impressed :)
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This is right up my musical taste...great sounding original music, superb lyrics and a vocal melody that reminds me (a little) of Radiohead...Love how the rhythms change and how they are backed up by some fantastic percussive sounds...it builds so well towards the end as well. The quality of the comp goes forever upwards...
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it sounds like it was recorded in a room full of big insects flying about..what were those noises? they made me feel all creepy crawly.. oooer
its very original ..it starts off a bit beatleish & then flies somewhere strange but definitley takes george martin along to do the strings & wings & things
its a very dense sound & I think the vocals got a bit lost after a while
very intersting lyrics with all the wit & wordplay that you are so brilliant at nooms but I dont think im clever enuff to work it out tho it had a biblical feel to it
I have never heard your music sound like this neil it was very imaginative
im writing a review but im thinking i need to listen a lot more to get the most from it :)
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Pay attention class,this is a very special track.
Nooms' vocals carry the highly musical,inarticulate,yet melodically precise aching of the soul,reminiscent of Radiohead's Thom Yorke. Lyrically sublime,my imagination runs wild..
The music is a work of aural art too,with Neil's guitars driving along like a big old steam train,nay juggernaut.
I hesitate to speak in absolutes,but for my tastes and just for pure song writing and recording craft,this blows my skirt up/flaps my flags/mashes my potatoes and may be the best thing I've ever heard on here.
Epic.I'm in awe of Neil and nooms. It's time to pick 2nd and 3rd places,first is taken. 8)
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This has a real feel about it, can't think of any more words guys just real so real stage appeal 8)
Nice one.
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Bloody amazin guys ;D ;D Every one a winner ;D ;D ;D
Just got me laptop, but on my 4th listen....
(can I get an mp3 ??)
Lost for words really ;D
Can I join your band ?? ;D ;D ;D
Bit of a 60's feel to it, with the strings/tones
and structure 'n stuff. But retro it aint ;D ;D ;D
Love it guys. ;D ;D and I love this amazing forum
for enabling the production of quality music like this.
We should get an album together or something. I
never cease to be amazed by what collaborations
from this place produce....
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This gave me the feel of a tv theme song. Something supernatural themed. Like the Constantine tv show. A show about an exorcist. Or The new show Preacher. wearing out my welcome. I love that lyric, and the chord build up behind it. It builds a lot of tension.
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Great stuff guys. I really like the scratchy feel. I'm getting real vibes of Radiohead here which is a huge compliment. It's really well structured and arranged and you've got a great soundscape going on
Excellent work
John
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Real authority in this one, really gets at you this song does. Very effective job.
Some great lyrics in there and musical material that stays with you as a mood rather than a hook but it certainly stays with you!
One thing I would say is when it gets to the "chorus" if that's the word, the drum track needs to come up. It needs some real pounding drums and they stay at the same level which diminishes this impact.
Tis great work guys :)
Tom.
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Think Tina summed it up - very dense, and you'd have to be pretty dense not to recognize this as a strong contender for the bare bones title :) Love the lyrics, lamenting nooms vocals, and the NeilC-painted soundscape in the background. Can't find fault. None can be found here :)
Well done you two!
Paul
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I don't know where to start :)
It's a swirling maelstrom of intrigue...and SO well done.
A work of art.
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Definitely a work of Art blending all those sounds together so well.
Hints of Radiohead and some slow paced Lennon Beatles.
Great vocals and collaboration.
Sandeep
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This is great!
Vocals are spot on, reminds me of Radiohead, Muse or even Chris Cornel.
Musically, it's very epic sounding, could be a film soundtrack (actually it does remind me a little of "You know my Name" from Bond: Casino Royal). This of course is a very hard sound to achieve, so I salute you for that :)
Lyrically, it's very poetic, clever and creates an extra dimension of expression.
All in all then, a very accomplished, polish piece of songwriting, performance and production. Hats off to you !
Minus points: My attention did drift at points, partly because of the songs length, I couldn't help but wish for a little more editing to trim it a bit, but hey it's verging on a masterpiece so maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea.
Also, Bare Bones?
Anyway, thanks for posting, what a great song!
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Apologies, it's in the lyrics ;D
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All,
Thanks for the +ve comments and for nooms for taking on the challenge.
I wanted to create something a bit darker to suit rooms lyrics and vocals and started by going for some electronic distorted drums, which then sent me off down a darker chords which just expanded into what would become the string laden chorus and tried to build some tension.
Then I just let go and let rooms do his magic which he duly did in spades, easy.
Mixing was slightly harder and could be improved but ran out of time before holiday but anyway well chuffed with the end product and the reaction, thanks.
:)
Neil
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Hi Guys,
I love how we start down that dark descending line right from the beginning....and just keep going....In a strange way, reminiscent of the Moody Blues "We've Already Said Goodbye"... The density of the images rolling out with the progression ...like an onion being peeled back... Textural,Resonant and thought provoking...Superb!
igg
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Love the sound, and the vocals are great (several mentions of Radiohead but I must confess I know nothing by them, did sound a tad Beatles-ish in places). I wish I knew what the lyrics meant - I'm not one for the abstract so am always looking for a story, or a character piece, and I can't extract either from these lyrics. I do like the imagery that you're creating - but what does it mean?
Derek
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Great song. Top production. I wouldn't mind this song on the charts at all.
Dark atmosphere and hypnotic groove - very much to my liking.
Top three for sure.
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Hi guys, love this collaboration it brings out your talent! One of the best things I've heard on here, yes it's really good. Don't know what else to say it's great. It does have a radiohead vibe which is great in my book.
Cheers
Jamie
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now that s a production.
sounds very unique and "big" - kinda bluesy with some industrial...whatever.
very melodic and just pretty good.
cheers
B
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Lots of texture musically, and pleasingly so to my ear. I must confess I cannot grasp the lyric. There's not a recurring concept that lets me put anything together in my head as to what the message might be. I'm thinking that's by design.......a kind of stream of consciousness thing. Very well done in all regards but not something I can relate to as a listener.
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Interesting write, the music sounds so much Neil. Not! :-)
Some cool progression and vocals sits fine. Personally I could do without the blip. swish and swosh but that is of course a matter of taste and a minor issue. However, the "drums" really disturbs me, but that is just me of course.
Looking past that the chorus is really strong and the verses are not half bad either.
So, yeah, good one, back off on the production a bit and I'm a fan.
Oh, and a bit more bottom end to the mix would probably not hurt either if you ask me.
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"The jagged man", "long ragged spirit", "desert is more than oil", etc....not that I've experienced it, but this makes me think of a bad LDS trip. It's the kind of thing I'd like to turn up loud and just soak in it. Back when I was in college, anyway. Myself today, that is, back then. Get it??? ;D
Interesting hum at the end.
I have to admit I really don't get it at all, but it doesn't seem to matter. I can enjoy it anyway.
I can't evaluate this; I have no idea how...but I'm pretty sure I like it. :-*
Vicki
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This sounds like something my 17 year old self would have bought in a flash. Love the driving rhythms and the expressionist lyrics. Really original and timeless.
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cheers all for the comments folks
very much appreciated ..
huge big thanks to neil for letting me sing and ruminate all over it..
his superb backing track blew me away first time i played it, with that terrific tension from the off..
finding the lyric began with the 'jagged man', blame him for leading me into it and giving me a direction to follow.. im sorry if lyrics didnt suit everyone, i guess its horses for corsets..
i found singing on it a real thrill and emotional ..felt like i was there and reporting or observing from a distance or right up close..
hope when neils blown the beach sand off his laptop we'll do another ..