The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Mutrins on February 11, 2019, 10:52:15 AM
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Hey all!
Would love to get some general feedback on this track. This song is about an unexpected love coming into your life and saving you.
Thanks !!
Micky
https://soundcloud.com/micky-shiloah/if-you-want-to-2-11/s-MXCCY
Lyrics:
With the night sky falling all around us
I can feel it in the air
Something's happening
I never imagined
Can we stay in this forever?
Forever and ever
In a night like this
Together
together together
And you can take my hand
And we can fall in love
If you really, really want to
(you really, really want to)
And we can take our time
The world is yours and mine
And I really, really want to
I really, really want to
There's a fire burning all around us
I can barely breathe with you
I can feel it in my lungs
And I am never getting out of this alive
Can we stay in this forever?
Forever and ever
Just like this
Together
Together forever
And you can take my hand
And we can fall in love
If you really, really want to
(you really, really want to)
And we can take our time
The world is yours and mine
And I really, really want to
I really, really want to
I was waiting for you in the midnight hour
(to come and rescue me)
It was all or nothing
I gave you all the power
(to come and rescue me)
From my life
From my vicious cycle
Every day was the same day after all
Same time, same place, same elephant
Same black cloud dripping bullshit into my head
Every day waiting for the day
I'd wake up feeling different, yea
Same time, same place, same elephant
Same black cloud dripping bullshit into my head
And I can take your hand
And we can fall in love
If you really, really want to
You really, really want to
And we can take our time
The world is yours and mine
And I really, really want to
I really, really want to
I was waiting for you in the midnight hour
(to come and rescue me)
It was all or nothing
I gave you all the power
(to come and rescue me)
From my life
From my vicious cycle
Every day was the same day after all
Same time, same place, same elephant
Same black cloud dripping bullshit into my head
I was waiting for you in the midnight hour
(to come and rescue me)
It was all or nothing
I gave you all the power
(to come and rescue me)
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Not my genre at all...so take that into account...
Lyrics are solid, nice melody, reasonably memorable hook and the production sounds very nice to my (unfortunately defective) ears.
I have no ideas for improvement. Its above my pay grade.
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Hi Micky. You sure have a handle on how to get a modern pop song together. For me it was very well put together. It sounds like some songs you would hear on mainstream radio atm, not that I listen to that :) I'm so out of touch regarding what younger listeners are into but I guess you are hitting a few spots in that kind of market :)
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Hi Micky!
I'll try to write as I listen. I think the first part could use some movement in the bass notes on the piano. It sounds a bit stiff right now. Good lyrics. You use an on/off arr that seems to take away some nuance. I'd like more of buildups and parts of the arr coming and going. Maybe save some parts until the end. The backing vocals are great. Wish I could do anything even remote to that.
Also a bit more attention to managing simblance, eq/de-esser, to take away the sharp edges in the vocals.
All the best,
Martin
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Wouldn´t be out of place on an Ed Sheeran album I guess. A very nice boy band/pop type track. Lyrics are good as well...I think you should use the chorus a bit more though and keep it a little simpler. It get very epic and I think you could keep it a little simpler on the epic side of things...it´s almost gospel towards the end but I didn´t feel a fluid build up towards it.
The SONG, its great, I just think the arrangement needs a bit of work. Very nice to listen to.
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Great melody, strong vocal and produced well.
To me it sounds a bit dated, reminded me of late 90's/early 2000's.
One thing is for sure though... you're annoyingly good looking! Sheesh! I'm not even gay.
;)
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Hey Micky,
We can be a quirky bunch on here sometimes and this definitely feels more mainstream targeted than most.
Difficult giving general feedback on this as though it's not my cup of tea, everything feels incredibly well put together and professional and there is a definite feeling conveyed.
Guess it depends what you're going for, for a proper modern chart song I'd say the slower ambient drums feel too oldschool - more exciting drums over the faster sections could make for a more modern feeling track imo, if that's the aim.
Enjoyable listen, look forward to hearing more!
Scott.
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Hey Micky,
This song sounds professionally recorded and produced...is it, or did you do this yourself? :)
Vocals and choir/BV's are amazing! Are you singing the melody?
It has a beautiful melody and the lyrics are sung with just the right amount of passion :-*
It has a bit of an old school vibe, but IMO, it would fit in with what's currently being played on the radio. Mainstream listeners...is that your intention?
I totally enjoyed listening to this song :)