The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: delb0y on June 23, 2017, 06:45:38 PM
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Rare for me to write a song these days, but I pulled my old Tanglewood TW40 out of the closet and found this piece of melancholy in it.
A World of Grace
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13590279 (http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13590279)
You flew south for the winter / to catch some Southern sun
Something shone so bright / you never came home
I saw a swallow swooping / dancing in the air
Looking for a lover who was not there
(They say) the southern sunlight sparkles / like diamonds on the sea
And the golden sand / is a lover’s touch
A pair of doves sitting / on a telephone line
Looking down at lonely me
In a world of grace / the vulgar wins
It’s not a race / yet someone wins
A warm breeze rolls in / kisses my tears away
Please carry them south / and let it rain
I saw a hawk circling / and a tiny bird on the wing
I know how they feel, both of them
In a world of grace / the vulgar wins
It’s not a race / yet someone wins
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That's a slice of restrained loveliness you've served up there Delb0y. Thought the lyrics were really poetic with some clever left turns ("in a world of grace the vulgar wins") and the whole thing feels fragile - in a good way - the playing, your voice, even the recording, whcih I thought fitted the words perfectly. Ace.
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So lovely and mellow Del. Sometimes when I hear a song like this I just think bollox to all the overproduced stuff that is out there. Excellent :)
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Yo Derek.
Restrained
Elegant
Poignant
Eloquent
Pertinent
Relevant
delb0y innit. :)
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Man!!! This is really beautiful my friend!! Your playing is exceptional. The lyrics are awesome. I especially love the "Warm breeze rolls in, kisses my tears away,please carry them South and make it rain." Very,very nice!
You sing it beautifully mate, the only thing that's a bit of a shame is the heavy "p's" & "B's" in places. I know that even with a pop filter the buggers still get through sometimes. I have a feeling u just sing the whole song in one take and "boom" it's done. ;D Which is of course fine, I know you perform live a lot, so that of course is important. However if it were me, I would record the vocal separately a few takes at least and comp together the best take I can get, so that you have the BEST possible recording of it. (In this case, just to get rid of the heavy letters)
Each to there own though mate and this really is a gorgeous song. Congrats on that. ;D
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Lovely ballad here delboy.
Wish I could play guitar like that and your vocals are as smooth as silk.
Reminds me of Alan Walker - what became of him anyway?
Lyrics are captivating.
Enjoyed it immensely.
Ya gotta record more man, ya just gotta ;D ;D
Paul
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Thanks for the comments guys. much appreciated :-)
Lostboy - yes I can hear the pops and ssss's. I don't use a shield or anything (on account of I don't have one) and yes it's all first take. I sing it and play one guitar, then drop a couple of extra guitars in just to cover the sound of the washing machine and people talking downstairs...
Cheers
D
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Lol! Started writing and then I happened to read Leos comments and realized they were so spot on I could have written them myself albeit less well formulated.
Very nice song and performance, got me capture all through and I'm not a 1+1 guy so that must count for something.
However, I do suggest you pick up on Leos advices re the recording process (and a little eq here and there as well) since it could really lift this to the next level with costing an arm and a leg.
Good as is, probably stellar with a little more work.
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I think this song is fantastic!
Terrific lyrics.
And I'm so glad that I have the opportunity to ask you about the lines:
"In a world of grace / the vulgar wins
It’s not a race / yet someone wins" :'(
And the angle of those words, and their meaning that I derive, is that she had left for the brighter lights....the allure of the clamor, and, of course, all those bigger promises.
Anyways.......one of your very best, and definitely one of my favorite songs in recent memory.
Great stuff!!
::)-Tom
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Thanks Tom! :) High praise from someone whom I - as you know - really rate.
Yes, you've nailed the story. She went down south and got seduced by something bigger / brighter / probably more brash (and vulgar) and consequently never came home to the gentle poet who sees the world in such a different way. Sadly, to me it feels like that's the way the world is heading.
Also inspired by a series of photos someone shared of a swallow who had returned from his migration and spent the first week flying alone whilst waiting for his mate to return too. Last week I also saw a kestrel swooping down on some prey. It all gets stored...
The final inspiration was (inadvertently!) seeing an episode of Love Island and realising what the current generation, or some of them, really aspire to, and what's important to them... :o
I was pleased with the chorus even though I used the word "win" twice. In fact I like that because it sort of reinforces the idea of competition. I was also pleased with the idea of the singer’s tears turning to rain and him wishing that rain upon the lover who had abandoned him. Wishing someone to get a little wet is not quite the same as tearing them apart, but for this gentle narrator it’s still a dark turn of thought, and that’s why he says he knows how the hawk feels. He becomes, even if only slightly, the aggressor. Although of course, he also feels like the tiny bird on the wing that’s about to get his heart torn out by the stronger bird.
Anyway, thanks for the comments - much appreciated.
Derek
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Delightful tune Delboy! And I have a lot of respect for how well performed that is! One take guitar and vocals? And not a note out of place? That super skills! And you have a lovely style and voice and great guitar playing....a real nice laid back sipping suds kinda tune! Thanks mate :)
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I don't have a good enough memory to say this is my favorite of your songs, but it's up there. I like the "under" processed recording; I was just thinking earlier today that some songs, maybe a lot of them, have more character when they're just the vocal and a guitar or two. Or a piano and guitar. Simple, anyway. Let the song shine rather than the production. That doesn't I don't like well-produced songs, but both have a place.
I have no nits.
Vicki