[igg]

Hi,

I just jiggered this around a little bit....Whachya think?

PART TIME LOVER

V1
I know I'm your part time lover                  
I don't ever get to stay
Making love to you at midnight  
Long gone Lonely by the break of day

 V2
Knowing I can never have you
I still feel it's worth the cost                  
Just to hold you and then leave you
Playing games, already lost

CHORUS:
Part time lover never lingers
Knows just when the job is through                  
Never hoping, never asking
Never hearing I love you

BRIDGE:
There's no blame for what I've chosen                  
I'm the one who makes the call
That this part time love is better
Than to have no love at all

V3
No warm body I can cling to
Nothing left for me to keep
Only memories of your fragrance
When I lay me down to sleep

CHORUS:
Part time lover never lingers
Knows just when the job is through                  
Never hoping, never asking
Never hearing I love you

[ScottLevi]

Hey Igg,

Feels clean, neat and ready-to-go for me.

Simple enough concept and a well told story throughout,  I can see the hook being really catchy too.

"Long gone by the break of day" doesn't quite seem to fit right but I think just ditching the "Long" would do the trick, though I'm sure you'll experiment when recording around there and find what fits right.

Nothing I can see to be changed and sure it will slide in nicely with your style too, really excited to see how it comes out!

All the best,
Scott.

[Paulski]

Hi igg

What's not to like?
lovely meter and rhyme and lots of pathos for the protagonist

"Never hearing I love you"

What a classic line that is.

Paul

[11]

Hi igg

Good lyrics...

A Real Life Commentry...
There will be Many a person out there that can relate
To this song...

Neat n tidy flow... going there...

Well done U

[Arkwright]

Nice work Igg...

Some good imagery, particularly in verse 3 and it flows really well.

The only part in not sure about is the bridge. It just looks like another verse to me and doesn't stand out in any way. Having said that, it works well as another verse to the extent that I see it as a great outro.

[Vintage54]

   Howdy igg,
       This is good, without reaching the heights of some of your previous posts. But then, you would have to be a genius to keep up those standards. It all reads well, particularly the chorus, but overall, it's missing the kind of magic i've come to expect from you. Still strong a strong write though.

                                  Vintage54

[igg]

Hi guys,

Thanks for taking the time to comment...

Scott- Appreciate your feedback....seems to me that "long gone" is necessary to keep the meter going....

Paulski - Thanks!  Tired to get into the mind and emotions of what it feels like settling for what is possible...

11 - It's a world full of unequal relationships and expectations.. I hope I can give some voice to that..

Arkwright - Thanks for your insightful observation!... I think you are right...it is a better outro...and I think it boosts the poignancy with that position in the song....Appreciate it!

Vintage - Sometimes the magic works and sometimes you just try to get through the day without crying......

igg

[Wicked Deeds]

An unambiguous write. I note the strict use of syllables which help the flow - it's 8 syllables, followed by 7, followed by 8 then 7 for each verse.  I admire that strict approach but think the bridge would be a good place to break it up and change things a little.  It can work as it is but the musical ideas and production may have to weave a little magic to hold interest. I'd tackle verse three - maybe try to maintain the same structure as the other verses of 8 syllables, then 7. 'Only memories of your fragrance' breaks the strict use of syllables. In popular music, you'd get away with 'memries' in  the  vocal delivery. To ensure the strict approach previously adopted you might want to re-write that line to ensure you once again, use the same number. Have you thought about how you might produce this? Which instrument might you use?  What genre of music will it be.  it will be good to hear the final song. I wonder about the mood of this song, Will it be one of sadness as is hinted at in the final line or something quite different.  Thanks for sharing. :-)

[adamfarr]

Super good. The way you match the meter and rhyme without obvious compromises is a real skill and I'm sure not as effortless as it sounds.
This was me once. Trouble was, I couldn't prevent myself from "always hoping, never asking"...

[finestrat]

I like these lyrics, tells a good story and I guess that many people could relate to it.  Particularly like verse 3 really strong and sad.

[CaliaMoko]

As may or may not be apparent from my posts in general, I am a slave to structure so, of course, I have no nits. I want to hear this one, for sure!

[diademgrove]

Hi Igg,

a great set of lyrics. I agree with Scott. Long gone doesn't really work for. It introduces an ambiguity into the song, the singer may be complaining but he/she may be on the one that wants to leave before dawn.

"Kicked out by the break of day" works much better for me.

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree.

Keith

[igg]

Hi there......I have bowed under the great weight of pressure and changed "long gone" to "lonely"....Thanks so much for helping me out....I think lonely adds a whole new level of poignancy....

Wicked - Thanks for all of the insight you've brought to this....Concerning "memories"...when I hear it it is definitely mem'ries to keep the flow...As for the bridge I hear it set out instrumentally and through the phrasing...maybe dropping out the more melodic stuff and pushing the rhythmic bass line and drums...The whole approach to the production...I'm hearing an Alison Krauss or Sarah Jarosz feel but I'm completely open to suggestions..

Adam-  thanks so much....so who hasn't been humbled by unrequited love...it gives you the scars....to remind you of how much it's possible to feel...

Finestrat - Thanks, I was hoping it would set up a strong resonance...

Vicki - Thank you so much for critiques and enthusiasm...You are an example to this community by your unstinting efforts to help others here....I am very grateful...  and feel guilty most of the time for not living up to your example...

Keith - You pushed me over the top...though I decided to emphasize his reaction rather than what was done to him...or her.....

igg

[diademgrove]

Hi Igg,

the change works for me. Great set of lyrics.

Keith

[hardtwistmusic]

"Lonely" instead of "long gone" is (imo) an improvement.  I think you made the right choice by bowing to pressure.  Flows better and creates (in my mind anyway) a better visualization image. 

Couldn't find one other thing I felt could productively change.