[Paulski]

********NOW COMPLETED IN FINISHED SONGS _ THANKS ALL!*****************

http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/damn-this-field-11044/

**************************************************

Hello fellow foruminions!

OK I'm working on a video for this one - but thought I'd get your respected opinions on the song first - Some arrangement choices are there to fit the video but - anything that doesn't work? Should I use a better windscreen on my mic? Any input is welcome at this stage!

https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/damn-this-field

Thanks to anyone who listens
Paul

Damn This Field
Copyright 2014 Tennyson Road Music

Damn this field!
Ploughing is rough
In this wind, in this dust

Damn you, field!
You never offered a crop
Worth this work and this fuss

Hold on, Bess!
Don't hurt yourself!
Ten furrows left
Won't be long now
We'll unhook this plow

Curse this land!
For burning these hands,
Sticking knives in my knees

Curse you, land!
If it's pain you demand
You should be righteously pleased

Woah there, Jess
My God you sweat!
Just eight rows left
Won't be long now
You'll get some rest...

...........

Damn this field
For taking Pa
Still see him slumped over

And for muffling the shout
Of his heart giving out
In the weeds in your corner

Woah there girls
Don't go down in these furrows
Just six rows left
Won't be long now
You'll get your rest...

Damn you, field!
You never upheld
Your end of the bargain

Damn you to hell!
Next to nothing to sell
Come the freezing this Autumn

Hold on Bess
It's not you I address
It won't be long now
No, it won't be long now
We'll get you some rest
We'll get you some rest...

[CaliaMoko]

I listened...you don't happen to have lyrics lying around somewhere handy, do you?

I like the strings--they're hard and staccato but not pizzicato. I like the wind.

I appreciate being able to listen on SoundCloud since I can't watch videos, most of the time.

I don't know much about technical stuff, so you'll have to wait for someone else to listen for feedback on that.

There you are. Not a lot of help, I'm afraid, but I like the sound of it.

Vicki

[Paulski]

Thanks Vicki

Sorry - lyrics are posted now.
BTW the strings are played "spiccato" of which I was not aware before this song

Paul

[CaliaMoko]

Well, pizzicato I knew but not spiccato. Learned a new word today. I knew about the technique but didn't realize it had a name. Although, of course it would. After all, who would say "now play by bouncing your bows on the strings" when s/he could say, "now play spiccato"!

Thanks for the lyrics. You're pretty easy to understand, but it's easier to pay attention when I have words in front of me.

This song makes me think of the dust bowl years in the U.S. The lyric is so hopeless and sad.

[hardtwistmusic]

OH PAUL....  I've been awaiting the music for this one since I first read it. 

The wait was worth it.  What I loved about it as a lyric was that it so faithfully captured the frustrations of the failure that is always "just around the corner" for most farmers.  (BTW... that is less true than it used to be . . . but my experience with farming is 40 years old, so it resonates with me this way. 

Another extremely real thing about the lyric (btw) was that whenever failure is (was, in my case) staring the farmer in the face, it's nearly always about circumstance, and seldom (if ever) that "I just wasn't that good a farmer."  I've thought this was brilliant from the beginning.

The music (especially the vocal melody) was perfect. 

[PTCruiser1801]

Paulski,

Thought this was a great story telling song.

I could really get a sense of the frustration of the farmer(s) in the story...like hard twist said, the idea that success is just around the corner for them.

Particularly liked this section:
Damn this field
For taking Pa
Still see him slumped over

I love powerful emotive lyrics and you definitely hit the nail on the head here. I feel the emotion of the fact that this man gave his life to his field...literally.

Great stuff!

Paul 

[hardtwistmusic]

Probably too late for this, but if you could get a reference to "carrot on a stick" in there, it would provide a sense of how success always takes a step away with every step the farmer takes. 

[Paulski]

@Vicki

Thanks again for listening and your kind comments. I'm glad you hear the "Dust Bowl" in this - much of the video I'm putting together is from "The Plow that Broke the Plains"

@hardtwistmusic

Thanks Verlon - means a lot coming from a wordsmith like yourself. Yeah - too late for the carrot on a stick suggestion but that would make a great line in a(nother) song I remember my grandpa talking of ploughing fields this way - must have been hard work for man and horse.

@PTCruiser1801

Thanks Paul - nice to hear you connected with the farmer. I think it's hard for us in this age to imagine such hardship (and perseverance).

[Doodles]

Wow,

Brave and original stuff. Love it!!

If I have any criticism the vocal sounds a bit naked and exposed between 0.45 and 1.00... and I'm not convinced 1.00 to 1.10. After that it just snowballs progressively, better and better until it becomes (expletive) amazing.

I'd like to hear more musical support in that small section - as its a crucial time for the first-time listener and I wouldn't want the skip button hitting before the song takes off.  One of my favourite songs I've heard on here recently though. Some of the most potential full stop. Really look forward to hearing the finished version.

[thathairybloke]

This has a feel of a modern, slightlier rockier, "The Band" track. I'm thinking of tracks like "King Harvest". Is there a deliberate homage there? You use the name "Bess" which they also referred to?

But then obviously you've got the organ part; which gives it a more "Strawbs" feeling.

It also put me in mind, in terms of the main bass / drum line of something by "Incubus Sucubus", for some reason.

Very dramatic; almost musicalesque.

Great lyrics. Very good performance and production.

[Paulski]

@Doodles

Hey doodles - thanks for the kind words. I agree that section needs some more work/effects. I plan to do that Also needs some drum rolls here and there and a few more harmonies but I'm glad you saw some potential

@thathairybloke

Cheers for the nice comments. "The Band" is one of my all-time fav's (and Canadian too!) so I'll take that comparison any day. Never heard of those other bands but will check 'em out. thanks again!

Paul

[MartynRich]

Really original song, very good mix of sounds and production - mood changes and a great melody as well. Very good song indeed. Astoundingly well created and put together.

I like the string melody but Im not 100% sure about the keyboard breakdown - maybe it needs to start to build up a little before the wind comes in, even if it is some really subtle percussion? Thats just an arrangement idea, nothing else. Love the EQ change after it though and a most excellent ending 

I have one minor quibble - I am sure the string melody at the start is lifted directly from a spaghetti western...

[Paulski]

Thanks Martyn - very kind comments. I was a bit self-indulgent on the organ solo I added a roll before it so hope it's not that much of a segway anymore.

Cheers everyone who commented here - I finished this off thanks to your kind help - now in finished songs:
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/damn-this-field-11044/

locking this thread
Paul