The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Kafla on August 26, 2012, 09:32:07 PM
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http://soundcloud.com/andrewcruse/autumn-winds-nine-and-fifty
So here is the Autumn song in the project - I hope people are still interested ???
Hopefully Paul will post Ice Caps!
Autumn Winds (nine-and-fifty Swans)
how long will you wait for me
How long can your wear that smile
When autumn winds blow you'll be free
We're falling like the leaves, as bare as every tree
We're holding on
Watching the rain hit the glass
Empty and grieving at last
Winds expose the fragments of your soul
When things fall apart : broken from the start
I'm holding on
Under harvest moon the woodland path is dry
Upon brimming water , are nine-and-fifty swans
They paddle in the cold , their hearts will never grown old
Will I awake one day to find them flown away
Watching the first snowflake fall
this twilight is so beautiful
Time can take the pieces and make them whole
And life starts again, the seasons turn again
You're holding on
http://soundcloud.com/andrewcruse/autumn-winds-nine-and-fifty
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When I saw the word "fifty" in the title, I immediately thought, shades of grey!!.. Oh my, how that book is taking over everyone's lives.......
This is another great track Kaf - your vocals are spot on - full of emotion and I love the fact that your instrumentation doesn't follow the vocal melody - very very good.
I don't like the chorus - it seems like you have added this as an after thought. It's very difficult to write a chorus that matches the quality of the verses - but I think you need to re-think this chorus and find something that complements the verses or contrasts the verse - but also allowing it to flow naturally. This chorus does not flow naturally.
Vocally, I'd probably jump an octave when you sing ".....as every tree" and "...from the start".
Anyway, that's my tuppence. Great work and I remain, as always, envious of the quality of your production.
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superb kaf
'holding on' vocal is a beautiful hook, great vocal..
thought also you should repeat that bridge/chorus sequence as its very strong, i was hoping you would but maybe your right to hold back on it, dont know
all the bits are in the right place (forgive my technical terminology !).nice orchestration too
really good song
ten out of ten !
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It`s a good piece of work..got a couple of moments of real quality....i listened to it twice and think it sounded better on the second listen.. ;)
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Hey Kafla,
This is brilliant! Words, playing, recording and vocals. Love the effect on the vocals in the chorus. I knew it was from the yeats poem because the wild swans at coole was the only poem we learned at school. Must have said it a hundred times. Great poem to take inspiration from. Love how you used it in the song. Overall great.
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extremely well done mate! a full, rich sound but leaving plenty of air and overhead so the song still 'breathes' nicely. some of the vocal delivery reminded me of Bowie's The Man Who Sold The World, while others had a Coldplay texture esp the higher notes. the drums come in perfectly and then the orchestration textures lift this to another level completely. loved it!
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Lovely song Andy. It's been my pleasure to hear you grow both as a writer and producer. Keep challenging yourself, with lyrical themes, exciting melodies and production ideas.
Well done
Paul
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Thanks for all the comments ;D
Well spotted Ocean - I love Yeats - as you probably know he felt very melancholic about autumn - he was in the prime of his life but felt it was all downhill from there - the winter was just around the corner.
I have recently got fit again after letting myself go in my late 20s - I feel as strong as I ever have. I have the confidence I never had in my youth , I must be at my most intelligent ??? So the feelings Yeats had resonate with me - for my autumn song it was to good an opportunity too miss.
I love the concept as well - 9 and 50 swans - what happened to that other swan ? If swans mate for life 1 swan doesn't have a partner.
And if course it's all about change , uncontrollable change, life like the seasons follows a cycle - anyway I am babbling now ;)
Nooms - you really are a top man - honest and a cracking wit - and you make the most amazing music.
John - like your music you have an opinion and style all of your own - I appreciate your comments mate.
I am really grateful for the nice comments - I am really an 'absolute beginner ' ( love it beautifulvirus ;) ) after hearing your music recently the comments you make are most welcome.
Thanks songsthatcry - I haven't forgotten your song - just need some time ::)
And thanks Paul for taking me under your wing ;D
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Your vocal is probably the best I've ever heard on here - particularly in the verses - outstanding. I loved the melody and the instrumentation. Wonderful, sad, regretfull song.
I think the mix in the chorus is a bit overloaded - your vocal is a little overwhelmed by the instrumentation IMHO but that's my only niggle......oh and it's over too soon ;D
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Kaf! Are you using a vocal processor! I am sure I can hear automated vibrato in here, as well as perhaps some pitch modifications!? What is going on?! I like your vocal au natural, don't go down this route unless you want to go electronica!
The descending piano notes are great way to indicate the "death" of autumn. Nice move!
The vocal movements up to the high notes (holding on) are a little ropey and jarred me a little on headphones. You hit the final note, but the movement up to it is a little wobbly!
Lovely piano and guitar sounds.
I love the heavy middle eight. The strings are really well programmed and the shift of tonaility is superb. Best part of the track for me!!
Deft use of programmed drums. They work, they sit back, and they make me NOT focus on them, which is a great trick
Two listens here; the second started to reveal nice movements the first missed, a promising sign.
At the very end, you have left on some "breathing" sounds. I guess this was from the acoustic guitar mic(s).
A tip for everyone.... When you hit your final note when playing an acoustic guitar, hold ya breathe! It will prevent this and also unconsciously make you "freeze", reducing the chance of the sound of "creaking wood"
And on that double entrendre.... ;)
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I also really like this track
The vocal performance is absolutely cracking!
I agree with JAMES' comments about the "au natural" approach - I do not think you needed the long delay on the vocal during the verses - for me it didn't really add anything and just cluttered the "sonic space" a little
However, having said this I really liked the vocal processing at the 2min mark - it really complimented the track and added a sense of "urgency" - effectively changing the feel of the track
I also wanted to mention the bass, which I thought was particularly good!
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Thanks for the comments guys!
I use autotune on every track - I set the retune speed very low. On this track I set it a little higher and I could hear it myself on a few notes - I am not technical but I assumed it was down to the delay exaggerating it?
I went with this sound and the delay for no other reasons other than I liked it ;) But I am no where near as advanced as either James or Boydie so I need to accept that it might be too much :o
The breathing in the guitar track is a bugger - I noticed it but I dont sweat to much about the small stuff - of course you are 100% correct with this observation and quite right to flag it James - and what a great suggestion to alleviate it - I might actually try and train myself to hold my breath for the whole song ;) No seriously mate I will take that on board!
Again with the notes James you have a much more trained ear than me and I have no choice but to accept you are correct, but for me its all about the songwriting. :D
Thanks for the positive comments guys - I am learning all the time and always consider your feedback for future projects so it is really welcome ;D
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i adore deep rich male voices...scott walker is my fave singer ever & you seem to heading in that direction here...but i wouldnt say its your best vocal i have to agree with james about the bit where you go up high not sounding right....anyway sorry cos its another tremendously well crafted song
my goodness you put so much into these songs ...tho sometimes i think you put to much in but i know your always eager to push things & develop your craft
have you ever listened to scott 1 2 3 & 4 they are totaly sublime
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Fabulous stuff - love it bits. BTB
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listened again,
and yes, i love it
nut i did not even comment yet, i see
this is big, i mean grand!, even bigger than everthing you and Paul made together already
the songwriting, the instrumentation and production i mean
it is majestic (does that translate into English? :P),
the best, and you already reached some levels together!
you guys are a great team
all it needs is a decent video ;D
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and , i forgot, or has that been discussed already? :P
where do the nine-and-fifty swans stand for?
excuse my ignorance