Hey, I was wandering around the net looking for a decent songwriting forum when I came across your song. I listened, and registered so I could reply. It's a good song, and I have a few suggestions that might help you get it where you want it to be.
Is 'Time is no longer my friend' your working title? Because listening, I think the title is 'I go on'.
One thing that stands out to me is that the verses don't match - the last line of each is of varying lengths that makes some feel too rushed and others to far spaced. Verse to verse, try to keep the rhythm the same.
Second, I think what is missing is a bridge. Give us a section that isn't the same melody, that gives us some deeper insight. A different melodic treatment, a different number of lines and a different rhyme scheme. Let it stand out.
Below, a few ideas for changes:
You mentioned switching black/white to white/black - that might resolve the 'cliche' of shades of gray. One possible way:
(and day after day
and night after night
the colors have faded
to all dirty white)
Leaving b/w in current order, you could try something like 'color fades away' both of these lead the mind to think 'shades of grey' without actually using the phrase, which eliminates the cliche.
Tenses go a bit haywire in the second verse and the last line is really crammed into the song.
I used to think time is on my side
(I used to think time WAS on my side)
... ...
I can close my eyes without skipping a step
(awkward line. maybe 'walking blind through life without missing a step? Skipping is part of the problem in this line, I think.)
Last suggestion, add a line to your refrain. As it is, it seems very final, yet the words imply a longing for more. A third line will help unbalance it, reinforcing the longing in the words.
But I
go on
observing all the same old traditions
And I
go on
in this never ending battle of attrition (2 lines, balanced, counteracts the effects of 'never ending' and 'attrition')
Yes I
go on.
I hope something in there proves useful.