The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: redrhodie on February 08, 2018, 09:42:00 PM
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Hi everyone,
Sometimes writing songs takes you places you've never been, and that's what happened here. I'm not exactly sure how, a wrong turn perhaps, but we ended up stranded at Niagara Falls. Making the most of it, we went ice skating, and to the carnival, and spun around til we got dizzy. It was fun, at first.
Hope you enjoy our little trip. Thanks for listening, and feedback is always appreciated.
Lynn, Dave and Keith
Listen to and Hull Soul Collective Too Slick Too Drive by faraway my lovely #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/user-468459034/and-hull-soul-collective-too-slick-too-drive
Too Slick to Drive
Niagara Falls
We were sleeping in the halls
It was too slick to drive
We were on black ice
It seemed fun at first, yeah
It seemed fun at first, yeah
It seemed fun at first, yeah
Becky came to stay
It seemed like a holiday
Like we were there just to play
It seemed fun at first, yeah
It seemed fun at first, yeah
It seemed fun at first, yeah
It seemed fun at first, yeah
It was too slick to drive
We were on black ice
Niagara Falls
We were climbing the walls
There was nothing in the halls
It seemed fun at first
It seemed fun at first
Yeah
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A very atmospheric piece once again guys. I got driving music vibes. Vocals are great, slightly trippy and love the weird synth stuff going on as well. Good stuff :)
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Good day,
Good tune, spacey, and interesting story. Is it a true story?
Like the arrangement...
In terms of the mix my personal taste would be to lower the keyboards and raise the vocals up more.
I'd like to hear a bit more drums too.
Well done.
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Cool spacey vibe and interesting lyrics. I would agree to pull back just a little on the synth volume, as I think this would enhance the mix.
Kevin
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Very trippy.. 8) 8) strange but quite original use of the synth strings..maybe a bit to hi in the mix but, hey, maybe not :) they make the song what it is...your vox always sounds good and sort of..vintage, if you catch my drift...like you've got a time machine and you've just popped in from the sixties... 8)
always interesting!
best, Kevin :)
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Hi RedRoadie
Love the title, I thought it was about a big american car that was all polished up on the forecourt, chrome all a shiny, only 10,000 bucks with whitewall tyres...and cheesy sales guy steps on his freshly lit cigarette, spits out the flakes of tobacco and leans down to you and says, "What you looking at Kid, this baby is too slick to drive"...
I'll take a listen
cpm
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I wasn't sure at first but enjoyed it once I'd listened to it a bit longer, I dont know about music but I think if you take on board some of the other guys comments it will improve the general mix
Some bits in there that I really like though
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Nice job Red.
I love the idea.
I have to agree with the others about the strings level in the mix, and maybe put some reverb and a hint of delay on the vocals.
Paints a vivid picture, and love the photo
cpm
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the vocals seem like a cross between Cinda Lauper and Beth Gibbons of Portishead, but without the vocal resonance or power. I don't know if that's because of the song's pacing, or if it's an intentional technique to add an abstract, disjointed feel, but for me, it didn't hold, and became disengaging.
Lyrically and musically interesting. Maybe experiment more with a mix of vocal styles and another female who is alto or a tenor range male.
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I was listening.....wondering what was going on that I couldn't quite get a hold on...then it came to me.....something that wasn't going on....no bass!
It enhances the floating on air feeling....or sliding around on the ice...and gives it a flying rather than driving feel which is fine! Driven by the synth in fact...which may be a tad loud but is great
Liked the break at 1.45 which must be your carnival trip....felt like I was indeed spinning circles on the ice.....
I wonder about introducing the bass....(somebody wake that bass player up!) after that instrumental section....a bit of traction for the drive home. It would add something different to the song at that point too where it needs it...or maybe needs it depending on your way of thinkin'....
Enjoyed the ride anyway.
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This is a triumph for me. It could easily not have worked, but you've pulled off a great hypnotic piece of music. I was totally seduced at 2.23 with the "Niagra Falls" bit. I don't normally suggest extending a song but I actually thought it ended a bit early. You could have developed it a bit more. Either way it's still a really impressive listen.
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Thanks for the comments much appreciated. I admit I missed the lack of a bass line but for me the song was about a loss of control and I always associated the bass with solid ground. I'll think about the production suggestions but I'm tempted to leave it as it is. That may change in a week or so though.
Thanks again for the comments,
Keith
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Hi All,
Interesting shift at 1.45 - really adds to the slightly tripped out feel.
I think the vocals contrast well with the music - gives a sort of "clinging on" feel, like it's not totally linked to the music, but not totally adrift from it. A fine balance.
The lack of bass perhaps adds to that.
Different and cool.
Digger
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Really liked the atmosphere you created and vocals have that quite compelling sound as always. I'd have to say for me I found it a bit lacking in melodic adventure so perhaps not my fave of yours but I did appreciate the lowfi vibe...
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Thanks PJ. So glad you liked the trip!
RobbieS, Yup, in my head it was. Haha.
Thanks for the advice kevysc. We'll take that into consideration.
Shadowfax, yeah, can't help my vintage sound. I know you understand that!
Katie, thanks for giving it a chance.
cpm, thanks so much. The picture is a vintage postcard. We used to collect old Niagara Falls souvenirs.
DaveDaMann, I'll take that as a compliment although I don't think you meant it that way.
Viscount Kramer, sounds like you got it. Like a ride you can't get off of. Fun at first, then you puke. Haha.
Wow mickyplankton, I really appreciate that. You must be fun.
Digger, you always are so with it. The music came first, and the lyrics were improvised. It was originally a completely different song. Clinging on is exactly what happened when we decided we couldn't let it go, but it wasn't right in it's original form.
Thanks Adam. I always appreciate your insight and your ability to comment even when things aren't your cup of tea. Cheers.
Thanks again everyone.
Lynn
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Em, well it was a critique.
I'm hoping to get valuable, ideally detailed critiques for my work - because that allows me to improve.
Which is a good thing.
A bad thing, would be basic 'cool man'. Unless of course, my work was flawless.
(Of course, for some, 'cool stuff, man' is enough, on both sides of the comment - nothing wrong with that per se. But I'm assuming the objective in posting work for critique, is in the hope of useful thoughtful, specific, analysis. If my critique came across as thoughtless or vague - yup, that'd I'd like to be made aware of.)
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Em, well it was a critique.
I'm hoping to get valuable, ideally detailed critiques for my work - because that allows me to improve.
Which is a good thing.
A bad thing, would be basic 'cool man'. Unless of course, my work was flawless.
(Of course, for some, 'cool stuff, man' is enough, on both sides of the comment - nothing wrong with that per se. But I'm assuming the objective in posting work for critique, is in the hope of useful thoughtful, specific, analysis. If my critique came across as thoughtless or vague - yup, that'd I'd like to be made aware of.)
Hi Dave,
I took no offense to what you wrote. I actually consider it a huge compliment to be mentioned anywhere near Cyndi Lauper and Beth Gibbons. Really. They each have decades more singing and performing than I do. I wrote and recorded my first song less than two years ago. My voice is nowhere near either of theirs, so I loved being compared to them.
Sorry if I came across as snarky. Welcome to the forum. You'll get what you're looking for. Just keep reviewing other people's songs and it will happen quickly.
Lynn
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:)
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Yo red and dia.
I've been listening to a lot of ambient music lately,so perhaps my ears were in the right place to appreciate this piece.
I enjoyed the floaty,letting go feeling,just content to be along for the ride.
I'm in the 'miss the bass' camp too,but that aside,it was groovey baby. 8)
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Yo red and dia.
I've been listening to a lot of ambient music lately,so perhaps my ears were in the right place to appreciate this piece.
I enjoyed the floaty,letting go feeling,just content to be along for the ride.
I'm in the 'miss the bass' camp too,but that aside,it was groovey baby. 8)
Thanks Skub buddy. Glad you enjoyed the ride, and it didn't make you puke. Haha.
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took me a while to get involved but im glad i held on
couple of bass notes might hav pinned me earlier ..
got swept up by the vocal & turning strings
cocteau twins came to mind..
the vocal & dreamy warping fairground circling
im for a bass, not a gymnast, but thoughtful at strategic points ...
but i was wrong about bob the builder too so
whatever really good listen
good luck with it
think its worth something
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I think it needs a bass guitar to kick in after a few bars just to signify that we're underway but that's not to say that this isn't a lovely sounding track. Not a great fan of synthesiser music so when the vocals stopped, I kind of lost interest until they came back in. Melodically I think it's little limited but the overall sound is effective.
M
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Sounds like a proper trip and you were having lots of fun win the studio.
cool
:)
neil
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took me a while to get involved but im glad i held on
couple of bass notes might hav pinned me earlier ..
got swept up by the vocal & turning strings
cocteau twins came to mind..
the vocal & dreamy warping fairground circling
im for a bass, not a gymnast, but thoughtful at strategic points ...
but i was wrong about bob the builder too so
whatever really good listen
good luck with it
think its worth something
Thanks nooms. Love Cocteau Twins. Really cool comparison. I don't understand the Bob the builder comment. Haha.
I think it needs a bass guitar to kick in after a few bars just to signify that we're underway but that's not to say that this isn't a lovely sounding track. Not a great fan of synthesiser music so when the vocals stopped, I kind of lost interest until they came back in. Melodically I think it's little limited but the overall sound is effective.
M
Thanks Montydog. I think bass would be a good idea. I understand why you think the melody is limited. I'm glad you still think it works.
Sounds like a proper trip and you were having lots of fun win the studio.
cool
:)
neil
Yup, loads of fun in the studio. It's my favorite place. Glad you like it!