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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: delb0y on November 03, 2016, 12:31:10 PM
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A cheerful little ditty in the first person, but not really - I'm in character! Inspired by real events that have happened to us all, to people we know, and/or that we see in the news every day.
Song For The Brave
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13476664 (http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13476664)
I've robbed old ladies, helpless in the dark
I've robbed war veterans, limping through the park
And I've robbed little girls, too scared to speak
Nothing's sacred if it's weak
I've robbed drunkards, unconscious in the street
Pregnant ladies, defenceless in the heat
I've robbed the bedridden, in old people's homes
I've robbed widows all alone
I take no chances I'm a thief
Circumstances that I choose
I take no chances I'm a thief
I can't lose
I can't lose
I've robbed tramps, with nowhere to go
I've robbed crazy people, who didn't even know
I've robbed pensioners on pension day
They draw their money I take it away
I take no chances I'm a thief
Circumstances that I choose
I take no chances I'm a thief
I can't lose
I can't lose
I've robbed cripples, and I've robbed the blind
I've robbed the deaf, I take them from behind
And I've robbed little girls, too scared to speak
Nothing's sacred if it's weak
I take no chances I'm a thief
Circumstances that I choose
I take no chances I'm a thief
I can't lose
I can't lose
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A hard lyric!! in a rather nice sounding song, who was it said they like to be told terrible things in a nice tune? can't remember..
the song is excellent and the vocal sound is really good,
I know it's about the song and all but the vocal is too loud in the mix ( for me anyway) the nice guitar work seems to be way back in the distance when the track is played at a reasonable volume for the vocal...
very nice work though..lyrics are quite thought provoking...
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Cheers Shadow. That'll learn me for only doing it on headphones. I've tweaked the guitar a tiny bit - but alas don't have much headroom to play with as I was playing so soft and gently... :-)
Thanks for the comments :)
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Can't you just reduce the volume of the vocal? :) :)
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You're pushing the limits of what I know how to do on a DAW to the very outer limits!
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Oh sorry Del.. :) :) thought you'd just pull a fader down...
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great lyrics
I can't find any fault here.
I've heard a good few of your songs, you must have a massive catalogue of well produced tunes by now.
well done.
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Hi Delboy,
Some clever lines in here - not an easy listen by any means. My only criticism of the songwriting would be that you've taken an idea or theme - the fact that you've robbed everyone - but you haven't turned it into a narrative. it should be a story with a beginning, middle and end not just a list of bad things you've done.
Superb guitar work and an atmospheric vocal but the vocal is too loud in relation to the guitar. If you recorded the vocal and the guitar at the same time on one mic, you can't change the individual levels - something to think about in the future.
Great to hear from you again.
M
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I like the lyrics and as your vocals are haunting and linger on after you sing them.
Beautiful guitar playing.
Great song Del
Sandeep
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I have to say you write some good tunes Del.
I truly love it, the whole package. I tend to like when the vocals are loud and I have no problem with them in this one. (not to say I'm right about that) Just my opinion.
Fingerpicking is wonderful as always. I might have to become your student!?! Deal? =)
I love the lyrics too.
Again, really really beautiful song and lyrics.
Thumbs up.
S
Ps. Oh I almost forgot, through out the whole song I kept thinking of Nick Lowe. In my book that's not a bad thing. Something in your vocals in this song I guess.
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Derek Lightfoot. :D
Cool song delboy,love the well crafted lyrics. I'd agree with Kev on the vocal being too prominent for my tastes,but tastes will vary.
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Hi Derek,
Always a big fan of powerful/difficult messages wrapped up in a jolly tune but this is way more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing it is, imho, an authentic and musically accomplished piece of song writing (and strong vocally too). Okay, lyrically offers no relief/hope but surely that was the point with this and the fact that it engages the listener so strongly (certainly me) means this just simply works!
Fabulous
Phil
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Great stuff Del. Love your stripped back acoustic style. The vocals on this are superb. I'm getting a pretty heavy Leonard Cohen vibe. Lyrics are well thought out and clever. Like it very much
John
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another great and thoughtful song, Derek
i thought the mix was perfect, to be honest...dunno if it's been tweaked from the original version...but that's my h'penny's worth, anyway
might be my favourite of yours thus far...and that's saying something :)
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Hi Del,
Cool lyrics. For me "I" is life itself. We all get robbed in some way (and not just by the tax man! ;D).
Well delivered vocal sits a on soothing musical backdrop.
Love the melancholic style.
Digger
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Wonderful lyrics delboy, I really loved them, until I read what montydog wrote and now it's got me wondering whether his suggestion would have improved the song even further.
I don't know, I'm useless at lyrics, I enjoyed them all the same.
I agree with others that guitar was a little distant but not so much that it spoiled it for me.
Good all round in my opinion.
Yodasdad
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This is starting of good but I agree with Monty, the second part in character needs to grow with age, the first part in character is telling a story of old and everyone understands old stories and whatever reasons why, but in second part, no growing with age in character.
In other words criminal violence has never been accepted in any form of society of age, but nice style with words 8)
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Hi delb0y,
very impressive song with a hint of melancholy in the music.
I see this as a confession, perhaps just before his execution or his death by natural causes. So I'm not too bothered that it has no beginning, middle or end.
I bet Johnny Cash would have loved singing this.
Keith
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Hi Derek,
You've got so much talent seeping in all directions I'm not sure where to look!
First off great diversity, this feels different from the other songs I've listened to which have a bit more tempo and narrative and am impressed at the effortless range.
I certainly hope these lyrics aren't true ;P but you've managed to get me to sympathise with the character regardless, which raises some deep thoughts and is powerful.
I like the lack of 'progression' int he story, I think you've proved yourself a great story-teller and this feels like an introduction or conclusion to a bigger album (or film maybe) this does a lovely job of saying 'this is how it is'.
Thanks for sharing, wonderful listen.
Scott.
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I think its all been said Del but this is another wonderful song...love the whole melody and vibe all the way through. The lyrics are great although it does worry me how many examples you've been able to give. You're not being naughty are you?
Beautiful stuff as always...youre beginning to sound like a real bluesy crooner
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Great sound Derek.....love the folk sound, as you know. Right up my alley!
Great guitar picking, vocals....Great song!
Would love to hear your stuff live....
8)-Tom
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the lyrics reminded me of something richard thompson would write ..only hed make it sound hopelessly sad..whereas this was more like a CV ;D
I loved the lyric & the mix with the low mixed guitar ...it gave your material a new sound I realy liked..
I thought it was another excellent vocal & I dont know whether you write deliberately to suit your voice but its all coming together a treat on these last half dozen songs youve posted...its that simple intimate style that youve got almost perfect here
there was a bit of johnny cash about it aswell
anyway it was a real delight to listen to :)
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Thanks for all the comments, folks. As always, it's much appreciated.
Regarding the mix, it was quite intentional to have a big vocal and a little guitar. I did tweak it a tiny bit after Kevin's initial comment but that tweak took place before anyone else commented. I've been trying to pay attention to the mix of the music I listen to and I think the vocals are always given a lot more volume than I've done for my own work (for reasons that I've always placed the emphasis quite rightly on my quitar picking rather than singing).
Not being naughty, Martyn. Nothing autobiographical about this song - though as someone did point out elsewhere, it could just as easily be about politicians as your actual street thief. So maybe there is an unintentional subtext.
Tinam, yes I do absolutely write for my own voice, which generally means sticking around low A and not moving too far too quickly :-) Through necessity I've also developed a style of singing really quiet and close to the mic so as not to disturb anyone else in the house.
Cheers
Derek
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Hey there Delb0y..........an absolutely great song. Lyrically, one of your most inspired......but, I kept asking myself, "who would do such a thing?" A thief is what it is...but, WHO would do such a thing? An inspired answer to my question would take this song into another realm.
This has a superb set up.....
I'm hoping you are getting what I mean 8)
-Tom
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Thanks Tom. I get where you're coming from - and also Monty and YodasDad earlier in the thread. I guess my intent here wasn't a song about a single character, but a song about all thieves, if that makes sense. So it's not about some super thief who's done all these things, but that all these things have been done by thieves.
That said, perhaps I will write a song about a specific thief, one of these days. I like the idea of exploring a character who has to steal in order to feed his family - but even as I write this I'm thinking that Fields of Athenry did that already!
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Thanks Tom. I get where you're coming from - and also Monty and YodasDad earlier in the thread. I guess my intent here wasn't a song about a single character, but a song about all thieves, if that makes sense. So it's not about some super thief who's done all these things, but that all these things have been done by thieves.
That said, perhaps I will write a song about a specific thief, one of these days. I like the idea of exploring a character who has to steal in order to feed his family - but even as I write this I'm thinking that Fields of Athenry did that already!
Well...the Devil is the most obvious answer, however not very original, or inspired. I was thinking of that "something" that robs all of us. Ignorance???....Nope...................Want???.....nope...........
....maybe, selfishness...... ???
::)-Tom
Don't mind me!
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Wow, the song and performance really clashes with the lyrics but strangely enough it works terrific. I just love the vocals, absolutely awesome! Solid guitarring as well and mix sounds fine (perhaps a tad to much reverb?). My only complaint would be lack of some kind of break down /bridge whatever to get a little bit dynamic variation in there.
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Del, sorry missed this gem. Great observation sung deadpan and as Kev mentioned just need the guitar balanced to your vocals.
:)
Neil
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found this quite moving
last thing on my mind was the mix - went straight to the heart
lyric and vocal incisive and engaging
fine song delboy
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The song idea is good, the images in the lyric work well with that Idea.
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I think MONTYDOG has nailed it - I wanted the story to "unfold" - ie you people - so what?
I think a bridge with some "redemption" or perhaps a controversial "and I loved it" would have added some extra spice to the track
The overall sound and vibe of the track was great - I loved the reverb on the vocal
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Guess I never commented on this one, and now it looks like pretty much everything's been said. I'll just say I enjoyed the mellow sound and, while it probably isn't one I would add to my own repertoire, it is my style--kinda folky.
I am curious about the title: "Song for the Brave" ? I didn't read through the whole thread carefully before replying, so if it's already explained somewhere, sorry for missing it.
Vicki
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Hey DelBoy
Good work on display here.
Lyrically and music-wise all stellar IMHO.
Reminded me of "Bad to the Bone" George Thoroughgood I think.
The protagonist doesn't seem bothered that he robbed all those poor souls.
I suppose there are ppl out there like that...
good job
Paul
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Del - reall nice lyrical ideas here. I really like the idea that the only thing he doesn't take is chances. The matter of fact way that the story is told works well too - sounds like the narrator's totally happy or at least resigned to being the way they are.
I wonder if there might have been a way of showing that they are a thief without saying "I'm a thief". Though perhaps that contradicts what I just said. Anyhow, great delivery and a great listen.
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Guitar's reminiscent of Floyd's Brain Damage and works really well with your voice. A great sound, with just guitar and vocals filling the space nicely. ;D
Really like the lyrics - is it about an individual who's a mugger/burglar? I'd like to think it was about our nefarious Chancellor, taking money from the unfortunate and disadvantaged to give it to his mates all in the name of austerity.... >:(