[Carlonely]

Hey,

I wanted to share a new track of a project of mine with you. Before I started writing and recording on my own as "Carlonely", I worked with a friend as "Flight 55". We sort of split up because it became harder and harder to find the time to write and record together since we live in different places these days. Nevertheless we occasionally meet and put a song together, for example this one:


One could think that the lyrics are about ourselves as friends that don't see each other that often anymore. Still, it's more of a general observation of people that meet again after some time and quickly discover that the old times are gone.

Verse 1:
It’s been ages – since we’ve met – living our lives on our own instead
we’d never been close enough to care
mutual friends every - now and then – made me recall your names again
At least we all knew we’re still alive
Chorus:
At first glance you can’t see – our seeds came from one tree
Though the wind keeps driving us apart
Verse 2:
Did not take long - for us to smile – so good to see you, it’s been a while
Jokes were made about crap from way back when
Soon I wondered - why we’d gone – separate ways from some moment on
Since I couldn’t sense what made us to
Verse 3:
Once we agreed to leave the past behind – we discussed our current states of mind
We seemed to talk at cross purposes at times
Fastly I sensed my life had nothing to do – with the other guys’ points of view
Nobody knew what to say
Chorus:
When we happen to meet – the drums have gone offbeat
Now we need money for what was for free

What's your opinion of the song? I'm looking forward to hear your feedback! :)

[Bankie]

Hi, that was pretty interesting and it was all put together very well. The verses set things up well, then the chorus hit, and I thought "ah, this is satisfying", but then the chorus was over before I was done with it. I felt the melody had a number of places it could have went, making it a really catchy number, but then we were back in the verses. I did like the changes though, and the chord inversions worked well. Good stuff.

[rightly]

Interesting perspective
Sounds like playful take, in contemplation, and yet light
I like the occasional solos.
A nice meander.

[adamfarr]

Hey - I'm with Bankie here - the best chorus is the last one as it continues and develops and gives more of the chorus goodness - I'd see whether that works in the other choruses as well (perhaps with different lyrics or just a double chorus?). The key changes between the sections work really well and this is just up my street.

[CorkingCrackBand]

Hi @Carlonely

   I think this is the second song I've commented on of yours - the other was a while back. I really like the essentials of the song and the way the melody flows. Some more backing vocals on the chorus may help elevate it slightly is one thought. Another is that the drums might stand to come up. Both the lead vocal and the lead guitars seem to sit on top of the rest of the song a little bit rather than feeling a part of it. A bot of playing with eq/reverb might fix that quite quickly. It could also just be my ears.  Lyrically, I would be half-inclined to substitute the 'drums' line as the song doesn't have that 'meta' feel and it seems to come out of nowhere. Again, just a fools thoughts. 

That seems like all nits but I genuinely enjoyed the song. I think you have a very engaging voice and a charming ear for melody and prosody.

All the best,

CCB

[Carlonely]

Thanks for taking the time to listen and review the song!

@Bankie @adamfarr  I definetely see your point concerning the chorus. The problem was that I wrote the vocal line a few weeks after we had recorded the music and editing the piece wasn't easy. In fact, the last chorus was edited to be twice as long and because I couldn't make the connection sound good I had to add the "oh boy" to hide it

@rightly I'm glad you like it

@CorkingCrackBand Yeah, I see what you mean. Some more low end on the guitar would probably make it more organic.
Lyrically in most cases I like to make the chorus a bit different. That means that I often add lines that somehow seem to be far away from the verses although the bottom line is identical. You're definetely right that the "drums" line has a different feel and comes out of nowhere. It probably isn't the best line but the danger of me overstepping the mark in choruses is always there

[MonnoDB]

Hey @Carlonely - great vocal, lovely jangly guitar and lead guitar..

I agree that the longer chorus works better - so I think Adam's suggestion of doubling the earlier ones would be worth trying out..

Having said that it works really well as it is - and I went back for a second helping..

Nice one!

K

[Elvis Nash]

its quiet catchy man ,
our seeds came from one tree
That would mean brothers or sisters to me
its friends , So not sure how to fix that

[moraamarolaloba]

Hola @Carlonely
Very nice song, easy to hum and with wonderful sound and lyrics, very great lines here!!