The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on October 06, 2018, 01:59:01 PM
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Inspired by some passages from Nietzsche's
Beyond good and evil
I put this together a few weeks ago. It was fun.
Feedback welcome ;)
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/everyword-is-a-mask
Every Word Is A Mask
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I cannot part the sea
Or even turn the tides
I know you will not listen to me
With my history of lies
Let the valleys hold my tears
Should the mountain prick my eyes
I think it should be said
We could have stolen more
Modesty was never validated
Not now n' ne'er before
Avarice, tried and tested
Tartuffery has no allure
Should Missandry get married...?
We should have made off with more
Opinions are hideouts
Ev'ry word is a mask
'does not belong to me, I disown it
Insist n' I will retract
Take back the love that was lent
Salvation is under attack
Take back the love that was lent
Every word is a mask
Opinions are hideouts
Ev'ry word is a mask
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Rightly.
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You got some really good stuff going on here esp the percussion and 'breaths' L/R. Did not get much of the lyrics but that did not take away any of the vibe. However, I think it needs some more variation at it's current length. If lyrics were a bit more 'accessible' and vocals less recital I'm pretty sure you would have a killer song.
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Whato @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) is right, it's a good idea, it doesn't matter about the lyrics,
I like the blues chord structure, and the indian strings, I particularly like the semi distorted vocal lines ("get married", it might have been just me, but that really lit up an idea for me, and my tunes...
Also the processed Lead Vocal works well, adds a mystery to it.
I loved the breathing (take a listen to my "Looking for something on my radio" I thought - great, there's someone out there who isn't afraid to use it as a hook)
It's a grower, and I really dig that's it's inspired by a philosopher.
Thanks for a great exploritory song, the late Bowie would have liked it.
3:29 on are very special.
How many tracks were there? must have been loads.
I can recommend some good cough sweets ;D cough up that phlegm...
Can just imagine it on the credits, 'Lead Hawking - Rightly'
Great job
Hope this helps
Rich
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Yo Rightly.
This is highly original,even for you.
An absorbing and intriguing listen,both lyrically and the everchanging musical soundscape
I also learned a new word,tartuffery. I have encountered many who exhibit the traits,but I didn't know there was a name for it.
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Whato @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) is right, it's a good idea, it doesn't matter about the lyrics,
I like the blues chord structure, and the indian strings, I particularly like the semi distorted vocal lines ("get married", it might have been just me, but that really lit up an idea for me, and my tunes...
Also the processed Lead Vocal works well, adds a mystery to it.
I loved the breathing (take a listen to my "Looking for something on my radio" I thought - great, there's someone out there who isn't afraid to use it as a hook)
It's a grower, and I really dig that's it's inspired by a philosopher.
Thanks for a great exploritory song, the late Bowie would have liked it.
3:29 on are very special.
How many tracks were there? must have been loads.
I can recommend some good cough sweets ;D cough up that phlegm...
Can just imagine it on the credits, 'Lead Hawking - Rightly'
Great job
Hope this helps
Rich
Thanks @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308), for your words of encouragement.
I think we're on the same page here.
It's sketchy, lots of ideas.
An elaborate doodle.
I've been struggling to evaluate this track myself, I just want distance from it now.
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@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) ...I think Bowie used those very words to explain some of his work.
'twas a pleasure to listen to, and don't spend too long analysing... :)
I've often thought that, the number of times one hears a song. I'm going to post a discussion item about this right now....check it out under The Bar...
Catch you later MR R
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Cool sounds, rightly. I like the voices in the intro. I like your vocals a lot, and the echoes on them. Drums are cool. Feels like I've discovered a lost tribe in the Amazon. Very moody and evocative.
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I thought I had commented on this one already. I even remember writing it. But it isn't here...I suppose I got interrupted, didn't finish and ended up closing the browser without sending it.
I really don't have anything new to add, but I really enjoyed this unusual piece. And learned a new word--same one as Skub. I had to look it up. Anyway, the whole thing is so interesting, intriguing. Every time through I notice something different.
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Hi,
There are some very interesting sonic ideas on show here. It's original, unconventional and inventive. I'm not a fan of discordant sounds which featured quite frequently here and also it was melodically lacking which is a big thing for me. Some good lyrical ideas:
"I know you will not listen to me
With my history of lies
Let the valleys hold my tears"
But there was a lot that I found obscure for no reason and with no result or effect. Hard to know what you were aiming for here but for me it lacked an emotional pull that would make me want to listen again. Sorry but this one didn't move me.
M
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Hi,
There are some very interesting sonic ideas on show here. It's original, unconventional and inventive. I'm not a fan of discordant sounds which featured quite frequently here and also it was melodically lacking which is a big thing for me. Some good lyrical ideas:
"I know you will not listen to me
With my history of lies
Let the valleys hold my tears"
But there was a lot that I found obscure for no reason and with no result or effect. Hard to know what you were aiming for here but for me it lacked an emotional pull that would make me want to listen again. Sorry but this one didn't move me.
M
I appreciate your astute observations.
Sometimes I hesitate to give an honest or critical reply to songs I can't get with. @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
So this post is refreshing for me. Thanks.
But there it is
My deserved, elaborate doodle of a song.
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I think the same as Jambrains. love this phrase "I cannot part the sea"
It is clear that you are in a special moment, that's why I think you've wanted to bring Nietzsche to the forum. The atmosphere that recreates the song is ethereal, oriental and personal.
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Man ! I just love your more obscure stuff. The North African influence is something I really love. I often consider posting some of my more unconventional tracks but don't. This is a joy in the world of creativity and I loved it.
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Yo Rightly
This is an "in ya mind" track, like the vocal effects you have, Reverse reverb?. Anyway, very easy listening, and original...
Nice work..
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It was all little bit Weird for my taste :o :o :o :o - but I always enjoy your thoughtful lyrics.
Very SCI FI and more than a bit unnerving.
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Yo Rightly
This is an "in ya mind" track, like the vocal effects you have, Reverse reverb?. Anyway, very easy listening, and original...
Nice work..
Hi, yes there's reverse reverb in there.
That's something I want to apply more in the future.
The whole thing was done rather quickly. I'll take more time in the future.
Glad you liked it.
@Morefrog Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20200)
I like the weirdness of it. Sci - fi?
I recently said its somehow esoteric.
It is strange. 😀
My Gf found it a bit unnerving in first listen.
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Sketchy, weird and obscure or not, I just loved this. The sounds are intriguing and I love the idea of using Nietzsche to inspire - you have a great set of compelling lyrics here. I’m growing familiar with your songs as I hear more - maybe my expectations are set before I hit play now that I will hear something to challenge my ear... not sure but I am sure that I’m liking them more and more. This one in particular. I really enjoyed it and will be listening again!