[Chiffy]

This song is in honour of our young soldiers who are under age to vote or drink alcohol, however, they are old enough to face the horrors of war.

I am hoping someone will publish this work.

HARIBO SOLDIERS

Haribo soldiers, just completed school
Enlisted at seventeen
Duties are to serve the queen
Up front with the killing machine

Haribo soldiers, too young for alcohol
Too young to have a vote
Your opinions don’t matter
Only in the hereafter

Haribo soldiers, growing up rapidly
Excelled in commando school
Quickly learning to survive
Ambitions are to stay alive

Haribo soldiers, heading for the front line
Told everything will be fine
Trained by our country
To kill without being seen

Haribo soldiers, brandishing your weapons
Marching forward with your buddies
Keeping you head down low
Waiting for the orders to ‘Go’

Haribo soldiers, exposed in the open
Quickly looking for cover
Drawing incoming fire
Got to win the firefight


Haribo soldiers, mission is over
Homeward to your lover
Country home cooking
Girlfriends better looking

Haribo soldier, hardened by battle
Heart softened by lost friends
Immune to lifes hard knocks
Mental scars are healing

Haribo soldier, time to settle down
Building a new life
Stories of adventure
Kids listening quietly

Haribo soldier, old enough for alcohol
Old enough to have your say
Maturing in a natural way
Reflecting on your glorious days

[PeeJay]

Hi Chiffy,
I liked this idea. I wondered if it might benefit from a chorus to focus in on - and cut down some of the verses.

Maybe have some analogies based on the Haribo product - about life not being sweet, or candy coated lies or something.

Nice one, Phil.

[BooBoo]

This was good and I liked the idea of it. The only thing is I got confused on the rhyming structure of it. Starts off with the first 3 verses rhyming the last two lines but when you get to the 4th it changed to the first two. The from there they're mainly the last two getting rhymed again. I'm sure it works to a tune you may have in your head but as a reader it was a little bit strange.

The lyrics themselves were good and told the story very well. It goes into detail what he's done while in the war and also out. I liked this!

[Saeed AlSuri]

Great lyrics .. great subject to tackle .. some thing to do with the war and soldiers in not easy .. you don't wont to be name unpatriotic ..  .. but you manged to go through it with ease .. great work ..

I hope I'll hear it with music ..

I did write a song about asking soldiers to come home safe .. titled (( Comeback Home )) ..

Cheers

[Thomas Frederick]

I LOVE this title! It conveys the meaning of the song so well like it's perfect omg.

The subject matter is unique and original
and I think the wide variety of aspects in the topic tackled is great. It gives it real scope.

I do however wish there were more of a chorus because that's all i feel the song is missing..
All of it other than that is brilliant! Well done!

[Jess]

I'm not going to lie, I saw the title- well I saw the word 'haribo' and just thought of the California Gurls video and then I got really excited that I was about to enter Willy Wonka's chocolate factory of music, but then I realised it was about war...
Despite my theme disappointment the song overall was far from disappointing and I like the uniqueness of the structure, and how every verse starts with your hook. I agree with PeeJay about the sweetie references...(a song can NEVER have too many of those)

[keith21583]

Honestly, in my opinion, this is more of a poem than a lyric.

I like the message you wanted to transmit, but if I were you I would add some kind of a refrain to give it some song structure and also try to sing the lyrics on an imaginary melody so that you'll try to make it more flowing.

As someone told you, I would prefer to keep the same rhyming structure too.

Keep on working and don't give up. You're on the right track.

Keith

[Jess]

(Me again) I get what people are saying about the rhyming, but I want to fight your corner on the structure front I think we get into this cycle of thinking songs can only have one type of structure (verse, chorus, verse) I think people should be more open minded about structure, so there's no chorus, maybe there's a melodic hook instead? I think I'd need to hear it to a melody before thinking it needed a chorus

[adamholden]

You could try and develop the Haribo line some more. Have a look at the range of slogans

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haribo

Agree with most of the previous comments and for me the 'Haribo' idea doesn't work here. When I read the title I thought of children; of child soliders. You make some powerful points about peope who enslist at 16/17, but I don't think of that age group eating sweets. Maybe I'm wrong.

[Chiffy]

Hi
I have considered all your helpful comments, polished it up a bit, added a chorus, what do you think now?

HARIBO SOLDIERS

Haribo soldiers, recently completed school
Enlisted at sweet seventeen
Duties are to serve the queen
Up front with the fighting machine


Chorus
You are not fighting alone
Don’t start thinking of home
We are all behind you
Do what you have to do



Haribo soldiers, too young for alcohol
Too young to have a vote
Your opinions don’t matter
Only in the hereafter

Haribo soldiers, growing up rapidly
Excelled on the training ground
Quickly learning to survive
Ambitions are to stay alive

Haribo soldiers, heading for the front line
Told everything will be fine
Young fit healthy and lean
Part of our war machine

Haribo soldiers, brandishing your weapons
Advancing with your section
Keeping your head down low
Waiting for the order to ‘Go’

Haribo soldiers, exposed in the open
Quickly looking for cover
Firing round after round
Running to much higher ground


Haribo soldiers, mission is over
Homeward to your lover
Country home cooking
Girlfriends better looking

Haribo soldier, hardened by battle
Heart softened by lost friends
Immune to lifes hard lessons
Mental scars are on the mend

Haribo soldier, time to settle down
Trying to build a new life
Considering past adventures
Memories are all yours

Haribo soldier, drinks are on you
People listen to what you say
Maturing in a natural way
Reflecting on your glorious days

Copyright Chris Manderson 2013