The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on August 08, 2021, 07:20:19 PM
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Hi all!
It’s been a while - life, lockdown, reopening, holidays and all that taking the front seat but I’ve had a lovely time catching up today - more to do I reckon but I’ve heard some lovely tracks today. Is it my imagination or is it super quiet - guess for similar reasons to my own!!
Anyhoo… myself and the wonderful @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) have been busy with a new one! Of course dark in theme… well cos that’s the way they flow - and I love what JB has done with this. I won’t gush, cos I’ll make him blush and we can’t have that 😁😳!!
As always, please don’t hold back on crits as we will surely tweak this… all comments welcome!!
What are you thinking when you go cold?
You say it’s not me but that story is getting old
What do you feel?
You’re looking in my direction but not at me
When your eyes glaze over
What do you see?
Your lips are moving
But your words I cannot hear
Lean on me
Let me be what you need
To protect you from what you fear
Let me in
Let me under your skin
So that I can begin to be
Be what you need
Where do you go when you’re not with me?
You tell me that you need your space to be free
Does it work?
Whatever you do does it kill what you’re frightened of?
Your calm demeanour doesn’t
Tell me too much
But your pulse is racing
And your skin’s hot to the touch
Lean on me
Let me be what you need
To protect you from what you fear
Let me in
Let me under your skin
So that I can begin to be
Be what you need
The demons surrounding you
Your thoughts compounding
The threats that you hear
In the wind and the sea
As you walk to forget
As if I’d ever let you
Ignore all the help
Waiting for you
Lean on me
Let me be what you need
To protect you from what you fear
Let me in
Let me under your skin
So that I can begin to be
Be what you need
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Hola @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
I really liked the introduction and the appearance of your voice but at 0'40 approximately I loved it !!! Good song and great arrangement, very elegant, special, although, maybe it's my headphones but sometimes your voice seemed to need more volume but then no ... I don't know. It's the only suggestion I can think of.
Fantastic work, you and @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) make a very special symbiosis. Congratulations. I like how the lead guitar maintains the color of the song.
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wow
good work on mixing your voice
have to say it reminds me of morrissey a bit
he hasn't written anything this good in years
instrumentation is lovely too
love it when the solo starts!!
wonderful song, as ever!
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This is a very good union. Really good writing, and the music is grand.
I particularly like the lyric, here.
Good stuff...............my hat's off!
-T
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Hi Karen, yep, it’s a bit quiet around here lately..🤷🏼♂️ I’m sure it will pick up again.😄
I really enjoyed this…great phrasing and lovely vocals/lyrics as always….catchy too.👍🏻
I’m listening on apple pods…mix sounds good….I really enjoyed the musical break…great job on that Jam! Some cool stuff going on there.🎶👊🏻🎶
The only slight thing I noticed is the start of the second line of each chorus “let me be what..” they are not as present/clear as the rest of the vocals…and I mean very slightly.
It might also just be the listener having to quickly adjust to the quicker phrasing..🤷🏼♂️ I noticed it much more on the first chorus on the first listen.
That’s all I’ve got though. Really good stuff guys….have you both tried putting your stuff up for “BBC introducing?” (If that’s still a thing??🤷🏼♂️😊 might be worth a shot!😄🤩🤩
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As has already been said, the intro is great - it sets the mood perfectly. There some classy light and shade going on here - the instrumentation is just fabulous. But it's the vocal that makes this. I'm really knocked out by this track. Going to play it again. Top drawer :)
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This is great stuff as ever from you two. JBs guitar work is excellent and your vocal is perfect Karen. Lyrics are not my strength but the mid 8 is really good and the delivery is excellent. Come on be honest, is that all from one breath? ;D. I have a song I am working on with a very different mmid 8 but a similar lack of breathing opportunities. It's definitely. challenge!
Great work guys.
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Thanks @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) noted re vox levels.. I agree the guitar work is something else! Bravo @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) :) As always your comments are hugely appreciated !
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - Morrissey you say? Not on expected comparison but not unwelcome (obviously)! Thank you so much.. Yeah that solo is amazing, right?? Again, thank you so much!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) completely delighted with your comments - thank you!!
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) Yeah I don't remember it this quiet but as you say, I'm sure it will pick up... Thanks for the great comments, we'll have a look at those vox levels! Re BBC Introducing, you have to be in the UK to apply so neither of us is eligible... Will have to look at other routes but thanks for the suggestion!
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) - thanks a mill.. really lovely comments! Chuffed!!
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) thanks so much.... great comments.. Haha yes that is one breath (up to ‘waiting for you’) although JB has cut out the huge gulp of air I took before I delivered the line.... My demo was (I think) 15 BPMs faster so I was sure I couldn't do it slowed down but there you go.. There are 3 BVs - 2 were fine but the 3rd (the mid I think) I had to comp because for some reason I couldn't delver it all in one breath - maybe cos it was late in a session but I suspect just mental block and my brain going NO MORE!!! Funny you picked up on that..
Thank you all!
K
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Thanks @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) noted re vox levels.. I agree the guitar work is something else! Bravo @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) :) As always your comments are hugely appreciated !
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - Morrissey you say? Not on expected comparison but not unwelcome (obviously)! Thank you so much.. Yeah that solo is amazing, right?? Again, thank you so much!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) completely delighted with your comments - thank you!!
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) Yeah I don't remember it this quiet but as you say, I'm sure it will pick up... Thanks for the great comments, we'll have a look at those vox levels! Re BBC Introducing, you have to be in the UK to apply so neither of us is eligible... Will have to look at other routes but thanks for the suggestion!
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) - thanks a mill.. really lovely comments! Chuffed!!
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) thanks so much.... great comments.. Haha yes that is one breath - although JB has cut out the huge gulp of air I took before I delivered the line.... My demo was (I think) 15 BPMs faster so I was sure I couldn't do it slowed down but there you go.. There are 3 BVs - 2 were fine but the 3rd (the mid I think) I had to comp because for some reason I couldn't delver it all in one breath - maybe cos it was late in a session but I suspect just mental block and my brain going NO MORE!!! Funny you picked up on that..
Thank you all!
K
definitely a morrissey similarity in a few places
not so much the voice
the sensitivity in the lyrics more so
I mean M on a good day surrounded by good musicians,
ah maybe it's just me
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Thanks @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) noted re vox levels.. I agree the guitar work is something else! Bravo @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) :) As always your comments are hugely appreciated !
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - Morrissey you say? Not on expected comparison but not unwelcome (obviously)! Thank you so much.. Yeah that solo is amazing, right?? Again, thank you so much!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) completely delighted with your comments - thank you!!
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) Yeah I don't remember it this quiet but as you say, I'm sure it will pick up... Thanks for the great comments, we'll have a look at those vox levels! Re BBC Introducing, you have to be in the UK to apply so neither of us is eligible... Will have to look at other routes but thanks for the suggestion!
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) - thanks a mill.. really lovely comments! Chuffed!!
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) thanks so much.... great comments.. Haha yes that is one breath - although JB has cut out the huge gulp of air I took before I delivered the line.... My demo was (I think) 15 BPMs faster so I was sure I couldn't do it slowed down but there you go.. There are 3 BVs - 2 were fine but the 3rd (the mid I think) I had to comp because for some reason I couldn't delver it all in one breath - maybe cos it was late in a session but I suspect just mental block and my brain going NO MORE!!! Funny you picked up on that..
Thank you all!
K
definitely a morrissey similarity in a few places
not so much the voice
the sensitivity in the lyrics more so
I mean M on a good day surrounded by good musicians,
ah maybe it's just me
Well maybe it is just you @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) but I like it - made me go back and read some of his lyrics... your compliment is greatly appreciated!
K
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@MonoDB
Hi Karen,
I love the interplay with the guitar and the keys. As ever, this is loaded with passion. Lovely soaring vocals to compliment an excellent musical backdrop. The verse patterns especially are brilliant but then it's a song that is immediately accessible to the listener. Guitars are sounding ace too. Quality work.
Paul
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Hi Karen/JB,
More fantastic work.
The production is brilliant. Great arrangement - so many ebbs and flows and different elements which work seamlessly.
Love when the keys come in after the chorus.
The vocal has a lovely bounce to it - almost nursery rhyme in the way it delivers in a familiar rhythm which seems so natural.
Any sense of justice has this with a million listens on YT.
Digger
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@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) - thanks so much for that lovely review... completely chuffed!
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) thanks so much.. such kind words, all appreciated !
K
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Hi,
really nice tune. very complex arrangement and style. musically shifting all the time. and brilliantly executed, both musically and vocally;)
the harmonies are great also.. and the lyrics
great work.
u should be proud!
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Great and catchy chorus. Interesting song structure, pleasant voice, excellent recording quality. Love the melodic solo guitar.
Maya
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Thanks so much @Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) and @Doezer (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22829) - much appreciated :) !
K