The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: AdamHarkus on November 09, 2020, 08:17:13 PM
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This is a song I put together way back at the start of the pandemic and our lockdown back in March/April.
It was a pretty scary time, and it got me thinking what it would actually be like to be sat on a hospital bed with a ventilator on your last day on earth, alone. So I wrote this.
The guy in the song has pretty much accepted his fate, he's got no fight left, no regrets, maybe not even a family. But he still has one meaningful, final message to leave behind, before he gives up his bed for the next in line...
The song was written in around 30 minutes and hurriedly captured live and uploaded onto YouTube 10 minutes later, which is where it's stayed until now.
I'm about to produce it in anger, so would greatly appreciate your feedback.
In Our Hands - Written & Performed by By Adam Harkus
Lyrics
There's no-one here
No-one by my side
I've nothing left
I'm almost out of time
And looking back
The things I love today
They're not coming back
I slowly fade away
But anyway, I've nothing else to lose
I feel this pain, but tomorrow I am through
Seems to me, as I lay on my bed
If we live or die, our way of life's in our hands
Plain to see, the thoughts run through my head
If we live or die, our way of life's in our hands
The time is here
I feel it deep inside
I'll pass away
For others to arrive
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"I'll pass away for others to arrive", that line hit me like a freight train! I like it, it reminds me of darker rock bands I used to listen to, like Breaking Benjamin. I imagine this heavy dramatic production to go with it, maybe starting off quite softly and progressively building up to the last chorus and the final music break before the song ends. String instruments would compliment it nicely!
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This has mega potential! Have you managed to finish it? @AdamHarkus (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20317)
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"I'll pass away for others to arrive", that line hit me like a freight train! I like it, it reminds me of darker rock bands I used to listen to, like Breaking Benjamin. I imagine this heavy dramatic production to go with it, maybe starting off quite softly and progressively building up to the last chorus and the final music break before the song ends. String instruments would compliment it nicely!
I'm in the process now, and taking on board your comments.. Thanks a lot!
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This has mega potential! Have you managed to finish it? @AdamHarkus (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20317)
Thanks a lot. In the process now.... about to get the final vocals down :)
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Very topically current, of course. Lots of energy. I can see this as an "angry production" for sure. I'd like to see a little more variation. I couldn't identify a chorus for sure, as there really isn't a contrasting section. And maybe the variation and contrast will be in the production you're doing, so I'll wait for that. It certainly has potential.
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Done....
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This has mega potential! Have you managed to finish it? @AdamHarkus (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20317)
Done.....
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This has mega potential! Have you managed to finish it? @AdamHarkus (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20317)
Done!