Hi
@Petebrennan From your original post I am reading things a bit differently from everyone else - it looks like you are wanting to sell the "song" rather than selling yourself as an artist
If this is the case then you want to looking down the "publishing" route where you pitch your songs to publishers - who then try to "place" your song with artists
(It is possible to go direct to artists, labels etc. but the normal route)
IMHO...
The "song" itself is quite nice and ticks some of the "commercial" boxes but if you are serious about pitching this song commercially I think you need to have a serious think about having a re-write and review the production
As others have said there is no "amateur league" for pitching songs - you will always be up against the best in the business
The kind of things I would suggest you look at before pitching again would be...
The intro is too long for a commercial pitch - try to get to the "meat" of the song
The lyrics are very "general" (lots of "everyone") and very self-centred (lots of "I") - I would suggest trying to re-work the lyric to focus on the LISTENER - i.e. focus on using "you" as this is much more engaging
There is lots of repetition (which is important for a commercial song) but I would say the repetition gets a bit "repetitive" - which many commercial songs avoid through clever production / arrangements that keeps things interesting but maintains the repetition
The biggest issue for me though is if you are commercially pitching you need to be 100% sure of the genre/type of artist you are pitching for
I find this song a little "generic" and it is difficult to nail a genre - there are some nice country type melodies, it has crunchy guitars but isn't quite rock, there are some "pop" touches but it is missing some of the production elements to be "top 40" etc. Etc.
My advice on WTF to do now would be...
I have been quite harsh in my comments as you are considering the commercial market so it is definitely a "cruel to be kind" approach and is purely meant to provoke you in to approaching the song in a different way
The song itself is very good and has bags of potential - so you have done the hard bit
A mantra I keep using is "good songs are written, GREAT songs are re-written"
If you are serious about pitching this here is what I would recommend you do next...
1 - decide what genre/artist you want to aim for - be 100% clear - feel free to post here for opinions as I can hear this going going in a few directions
2 - listen to a gazillion commercially successful songs in this genre and pick out the style of lyrics, melodies, arrangements, production touches that make the song specific to this genre - and then copy it. To make this happen you may need to collaborate with a "producer" or someone with experience writing in this genre
3 - re-write the song and re-record & produce it so it sounds EXACTLY like a song in this genre
4 - get feedback from the forum and be prepared to re-write and re-record
5 - pay for a professional industry critique using a reputable service (and be aware of potential scams)
6 - take on board the feedback and re-write and record it
7 - pay for another pro critique
8 rinse and repeat 6 & 7 until the feedback is "wow, this is an amazing song"
I would say if you have a single song you want to push than this is the quickest and cheapest route to succes - and even if you have a "wow" song there are no guarantees you will break through so this is where paid for pitching services come in to play - but I would not consider these until you have a great song as you will be wasting time and money
I don't mean to be harsh but for commercial pitching I think this is the best advice for WTF do you do now