[Alex Stevens]

Hello again friends,

Here's an initial idea for a pop song for female vocalist, female group or possibly a female/male duet. As usual I've tried to concentrate on the melody and lyrics. I know my vocals aren't really suitable and the production isn't brilliant, but I ask for your opinions on the idea, does it work as a 'song', is it catchy/memorable and does it have any potential? Does anyone know any performer who would be interested in recording it?

Heres the all important link!-

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=12040163&q=hi

Best regards,

Alex S


1st Verse (rhyming 1=3, 2=4, 5=7, 8 rhymes with each verse)

You're a mean street fighter, I am a poet,
But this bond can't get much tighter and I think you know it,
My feet won't touch the ground, if you finally save me,
It's rapture that I've found, whenever I know you're near.

1st Chorus

If we have the moon and the stars above,
nothing can stop us from falling in love,
That is why I need to now, feel so close to you,
Wherever we go I'm in paradise,
this heaven I see when I look in you eyes,
Always makes me everyday, feel so close to you.

2nd Verse

We should spend some time together, on a quiet vacation,
Let's not worry 'bout the weather, or the destination,
With you now by my side, know it's all plain sailing,
These feelings I can't hide, what I want's now so clear.

2nd Chorus

If we have the moon and the stars above, 
Nothing can stop us from falling in love,
I know why I need to now, feel so close to you,
Down by the shore there's a summer breeze,
we'll sit there alone,  hear it rustle the trees,
That is where I have to now, feel so close to you.

Break (rhyming, 1=2, 5=6, 4=8)

Can't you see I need you tonight,
everything is always so right, in my life when I'm with you,
Got a problem, can you relate?
only you can settle my fate,  now you  know, what you  must do.

Guitar Solo

3rd Verse

In our one defining moment, everything's perfection,
You're a classical exponent of showing your affection,
We're standing in the same shoes, and there's not point waiting,
Let's play a game we can't lose, don't let our chance disappear.

Final Chorus

If we have the moon and the stars above,
nothing can stop us from falling in love,
That is why I need to now, feel  so close to you.

Wherever we go I'm in paradise,
this heaven I see when I look in you eyes,
Always makes me everyday, feel so close to you.

Down by the shore there's a summer breeze,
let's sit there alone,  hear it rustle the trees,
That is where I need to now, feel so close to you.

Copyright Alex S 20 September 2012

[AlexMo]

I know it's for a pop song but I think the use of cliches is excessive.
For example:

Phrases

'you... save me'
'falling in love'
'close to you'
'with you... by my side'
'everything is... so right... when I'm with you'

Imagery

'the moon and the stars above'
'summer breeze'
'rustle [in] the trees'
'this Heaven I see in your eyes'

[weaver]

I like it,its a bit busy,the lyrics could do with pairing down in places,like the feel tho,good guitar solo,think a good female vocalist could work wonders with it,any takers?

[Boydie]

I think this would sound very dated (80s) with a female vocal on this

AlexMo is spot on with the cliche comment - Although I think the phrases he has quoted are mostly OK for the genre, rhyming "moon and stars above" with "love" is a definite no no IMHO

I actually think you could be trying too hard with the lyrics

I would suggest taking a much more "conversational" approach and then go back and improve/re-write/insert imagery etc.

As they stand they look and sound "written and considered" - the key to a great pop song is the lyrics (which are sometimes awful by many people's standards) look and sound very natural - which can be incredibly difficult to achieve

[krish]

I think this would sound as good if not better with a strong male vocal as opposed to female, though I suppose thats a matter of personal taste rather than a make-or-break decision. It is certainly quite easy to follow with a good flow with an easy-to-listen to tune which is always a bonus.

I do agree with the comment that it all sounds very stuck in the 80s, when I close my eyes it just sounds like another Rick Astley track or something of that ilk. The lyrics don't do much for me at all, lots of cliches all over the place that I feel like I've heard a million times before, but I'm not really used to this sort of track so I don't feel able to comment on this too much. If they come from a real place then that's what matters.

All in a solid and decent effort. I would definitely be encouraged by how this has turned out and keep going from strength to strength. Lots of potential here. Good Job  Looking forward to hearing more.

[montydog]

Link not working for me. Ditch soundclick and try soundcloud instead.

[Dutchbeat]

i think it is excellent!!!!!


your melody and vocal reminds me of Alphaville (that is meant as a huge compliment, even though most people hate Alphaville, i love it, but hey i am a bit older synthesizer dude from the Netherlands  )

this is beautiful, simply beautiful in my opinion

i love it!!!!!!!!!!! smashing song writing