[Dutchbeat]

Hi songwriters,

i have been working on this for some days, and i have no idea where to go with it now...remix it, use other sounds & instruments, or just to delete it....

i attached images for a sort of video to it so i could put it on youtube, and hope you want to listen and watch, and give feedback, very negative feedback is also welcome, just be honest, because i am very stuck with this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY25TLVSXuo&feature=youtu.be

thanks

[S.T.C]

No reason for negative feedback..it`s your usual style of song..deffo got your own sound going on.

i liked it and the video...

[ABeautifulVirus]

i loved everything about this! kinda like an electro-powered Syd Barrett

[montydog]

I'm going to concentrate on the song as this is a songwriter's forum

It's way outside of what I normally listen to but I think it's very hypnotic and it has an edge of paranoia or desperation to it which you have conveyed very effectively.

I would have loved you to put the lyrics up because I couldn't understand them all.

It's a really well thought out, dense and imaginative arrangement - God knows how long it must have taken to lay down. I'm a little awe of this sort of track as I sit here with just an acoustic guitar and minimal skills, so hats off to you!

It's rather brilliant if you don't mind me saying......

[Boydie]

Hey DB

This is great stuff!

I think you could restructure the song a bit - even in this genre I think you could benefit from a strong structure - especially a hooky chorus, perhaps you could bring the repetition sections in a bit earlier

I also think some more hooky / melodic lead lines would add some familiarity throughout the track

The vocals have your now trademark effect but I could hear places where you have conciously reduced the effect - and I think it worked really well

e.g. on the lower vocals and there is also a less effected higher vocal panned a little to the right - they both sound great so I would be tempted to go further and reduce the effect on the other vocals - which will make the lyrics easier to hear and help with the structure / melody

The mix of "live" drums and electronica worked really well I thought

I Loved the funky bass breaks and the other little touches (the little flicking reverse effects were particularly effective)

I initially thought the funky break at 2.24 was a little out of place but by the second time round I was completely sold - although I think a "drop" before you come back in would separate the end section a little better as it is a little strange drifting from the funky break back in to the track

Overall though though is great stuff and definitely worth working on

[Binladeda]

Hi Dutch....Excellent song. Not much wrong with this that I can see. If I'd have written this I would be frightened to touch it. . But....If anything  ..... I would be tempted to give that funky guitar a softer, spacier sound and introduce it into the music a lot earlier.....OK I'm a guitar player  ...but it sounded really good, and I thought I heard a couple of bars of funky bass there too. That funky sound works well with the overall feel of the song......But what do I know about Dutch music ....Great stuff 

[Florida Mike]

I love the video work. The Gym footage is very funny at times and reminds me of so many things like the old MADNESS video of the 80's and even Benny Hill! Very creative...
This is not my genre or area of expertise so I can just give you more of a gut reaction. I think it is very cool "Film" music and in my opinion almost needs the video along with it. I think the female vocal needs to be a bit more defined and mixed so that the lyrics are more understandable. I liked the guitar groove about the 2:28 mark and would even love to hear a second guitar adding the James Brown style 9th chord up the neck on the back of the measure ....3 E and ah 4.

Nice work!

[Dutchbeat]

thanks guys, i am amazed that there is quite some positive feedback on this one

and thanks for the tips (thanks, Boydie and the others)

i was totally done with the song, but perhaps in few days i will try to redo some of the things that were mentioned.

Thanks for the encouragment and taking the time to listen!!!!

[nooms]

fine work the DB squad
sounds great full volume  (shes out upstairs ! )
couldnt catch more than phrases vocally but its got a great vibe to it,
exciting & videos really good, some great images & ideas and very funny,

[GuitarArt1980]

Bravo! I don't even know where I would begin when it comes to giving suggestions on this. It sounds finished to me. Very unique and well done!

[James Nighthawk]

This seems more focused than some of your work and benefits for it! The chorus structure is more straightforward and pulls the ear nicely.

I like where the guitars take prominence for a while

As usual, I struggle with the vocals and especially the layering here. Notes are jarring and its awkward to my ear. Beneath this is a catchy vocal and a great song.

The mix is warm and clear without losing its craziness

Great writing and unique and always

[tone]

It's a Dutchbeat classic.

Very atmospheric and interesting arrangement, with some glorious touches. This is one of the most dynamic songs you've posted I think, with a very nice lifted chorus.

I definitely agree with Boydie's suggestion of some lead lines during the verse to add a little continuity and hook the listener in.

The layered vocal works well with the atmosphere of this track, but I'd like to be able to hear the lyrics more clearly if I'm honest.

I'd like to put this one on the speakers - maybe tomorrow I'll get away with it, but if I do it now I'll be in trouble for waking up the mrs!

Very enjoyable music-making as always Dutchbeats. You guys rock

[Kafla]

Idiosyncratic as usual DB, brilliant , unorganised and all the bett for it

Pushing the boundaries

Emotional and angry

Keep working your magic !

[man of simple pleasures]

yeah very dark this one like sounds good, could be on a movie soundtrack the way the song starts!

[Paul]

Hi Dutch,

I think this is your strongest song to date.  It is very dark in places.  The verse sections are for me the strongest parts of this song.  Musically, it makes me think of a Bond theme so I think it will appeal to many people.  At times I find the vocal difficult to follow. I'm not sure how you have panned the main vocal but it would be interesting to discover what you have done here.  Make no mistake though, I enjoyed this very much.

Paul