[skogge]

Well heres a collaboration between me and my online friend Peter. I wrote this song but felt that it would need a little more "Oumpfh!" sound wise. So I sent Peter my midi tracks and he hooked up his arsenal of analogue goodness, and did what we might call a remix of my still unreleased track. So the song (chords, lyrics and melodies) is written by me and Peter then made some small arrangement changes (more of a normal pop structure) and programmed all the sounds. The bassline sound alone is created by eight(!) different discrete analogue oscillators….

The song is called The Crown and is about inequalities in life and that we just have to rely on each other instead of fighting… On one occasion I don´t sing what I was supposed to sing. We decided on me laying down new vocal tracks but Peter finished the track anyway.

So what do you guys think about structure, sound and the overall songwriting (including the lyrics)?

The song
https://soundcloud.com/skogge/the-crown
 
The words
The Crown

All that we invested in the sun
were not returned to each and everyone (of us)
Shining on the castles and the mansions
Blistering with gold

All that we invested in the Crown
was waving from a balcony
so high above the ground
Sitting in the castles and the mansions
soon to turn away...

...with a big smile
Thank you for today
We´ll use the value that you made
Thanks for your workday!

Taking all the promises apart
We won´t find a future there for a start
How can we be fortunate by giving
our fortunes away?
Please consider me
for a change
I won´t sell your soul
for a pocket full of change
You are me and I am you
Together
we´ll change the world
If you´re failing
I´ll change your tires
You will mend my view of the world
Look at us now

The world
If you´re failing
I´ll change your tires
You will mend my view of the world
Look at us now

[KristoferPetersen]

at first, I was like "what the...". It sounds like it's been recorded on the set of Miami Vice.
Your vocals are a tiny bit off, but that actually gives the song an ironic vibe. The chorus is completely over the top. Production could use a little bit more punch / bass. Overall, an interesting experience.

[skogge]

The chorus is completely over the top.

Hi and thanks for commenting. But I don´t get if this quote above is good or bad?   

[Mike McIntyre]

I really like the lyrics (although the line "I'll change your tires" is a puzzler), in a "Working Class Hero" kind of way.  But I think the music - or is it more the arrangement? - is a mismatch to the lyrics, in terms of overall tone/vibe.  Could just be me though. 

[James Nighthawk]

80s-tastic, in both sound and world changing lyrical theme.

The sounds are indeed heavily crafted, you have (I hope) gone all out for that 80s feel. The slighty-off vocals seem to be a nod to this too!

You ask for feedback on structure - the only thing that comes to mind is that the Chorus isn't too apparent, too standout on first listen. You use different lines each time, which reduces the impact of a repeat smack or four, to really hammer the hooks home. The big 80s anthems would be earworms incarnate, unashemedly so. This song could do that be stream lining the lyric choices methinks.

Solid, if utterly and gloriously dated soundscape 
JNx

[TheButcher]

Hi think the melodies are superb and the chorus is really beautiful - i don t hear you singing over the top.

sure; the production "could" be improved....but hey; i love these melodies and how you transfer into the chorus. I think this is really creative and beautiful music.

kudos

[Jambrains]

Wow, 3:45 in a time capsule! I was never that much into the synth scene at the time but I had my fair share of Erasure et al (shhh… don’t tell anyone..). As already pointed out the vocals are not 100% all the time but not enough to really disturb my listening experience in any way. First the chorus comes in I though “What the…!”  since it came a bit abrupt without any “heads up” through some sort of build up by the second time I just went: YEAH! Good work on the backing vocals there, really adds to the chorus. To me the chorus and the later part of the song appear a bit “harsh”. Could be my crappy phone headphones but I get the feeling that the high mid/high end is a bit over empathized but it could also be that there is an unbalance i.e. something lacking in the lower frequency spectrum. Anyway, I liked this even though it’s not the kind of music I listen to on a daily basis.
Cheers
/Johan

[stickboymusic]

I can tell a lot of work has gone into this.

It almost works...almost

I think your vocals "could" work with this...at the moment the production is overpowering your vocals.

Some elements are just too much.

It has been VERY heavily limited (its LOUD!!) but its not a comfortable listen.... Id just pull that back in a bit and get your vocals risen a little bit where the music is bigger.

It is interesting

[skogge]

I really like the lyrics (although the line "I'll change your tires" is a puzzler), in a "Working Class Hero" kind of way.  But I think the music - or is it more the arrangement? - is a mismatch to the lyrics, in terms of overall tone/vibe.

The tire thingy is just a metaphore for "I will help you". It was the first clear line emerging from my throat while humming along to this "would become"-song. And it just stuck and nothing better came for me Thanks for your nice comment. I kinda like how the lyric came together too. The mismatch to the music? What can I say. I just love these old synths. Song written mainly on guitar though

Solid

Thank you oh so much (cherry picking your comment)

I think this is really creative and beautiful music.

Getting the chills here. Thanks!!!! <3

by the second time I just went: YEAH!

YEAH! Thank you

It almost works...almost

We are trying got get there.

Productionwise I can tell you that all the synths were recorded at once, in real time. Through a mixer and down onto a stereo track. Almost no postproduction. Like on the set of Miami Vice!
I did most of the melodies in my studio and the I sent the midi track (and the vocals) to my friend where he hooked up his arsenal and re-did the song with his sounds. Created from scratch on old mono synths (yup, no memory for the sounds. He is now working on some other song so it´s a non recall situation.

But a remasteringprocess is going on plus that three other musicians have received the midi pack and hooking up their own gear as we speak. So I am guessing other versions will pop up eventually. Me I am going to lay down new vocals for the producers to work with. Oh this intriguing future to come :-)

Thanks for your listens and your comments. We´ll take them all into account. Love!

[beckylucythomas]

Love that soaring chorus!!! it's balls out 80s tastic. i love it.

I like all the lyrics that you put to the chorus melody, but i think i'd probably agree about picking one set of chorus-lyrics and sticking with them......if you can bear to lose the unchosen ones!!!...... i'm a hoarder when it comes to lyrics....once they're written I find it really hard to part with them!....

fab song 

[Neil C]

Enjoyable, energetic retro pop.
All the bits seem to work but there's something that means its not quite hitting the mark for me. Had a few listens and it may be there's too much going on sonically when you singing to give your voice enough space to lead rather than compete with the backing. Towards the end I really got the chorus. Loved the two stops you put in towards the end.
Definitely worth reviewing what you do when you've got all the feedback.
Nice one
 

[Boydie]

Great bit of retro goodness

The toms really made me smile

I felt the chorus needed a bit more "oompf" to really bring the track home

I really liked the "break down" bridge and the stop was really effective

[Chris Erhardt]

If you were going for the 80s sound you're on target. The vocal mix needs could be better. I'm not a big fan of 80s music (too young for that I guess) but other than that I like the lyrics and think it could be a great song with a modern sound to it.