The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pnb on May 12, 2018, 12:49:27 PM
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Here's my latest track...Just in time for Eurovison!
Very euro-pop but thats kinda one of my preferences!
Written about someone who, after having been jilted by their husband, and waiting many years, decides that in order to feel alive again, they have to risk it all. Even if that means doing to someone else's relationship, what someone did to hers.
Verse 1
Frozen in time
You keep me spinning free my heart
Why can’t you see?
This can’t be right I’ve lost the feeling
Back to life
Let me believe
Pre-Chorus 1
I could be your fantasy
Take me there in your arms
we could be in ecstasy tonight
its only one night
Chorus 1
Give my heart away To a stranger
Take my love
Take my life
Give my heart away To a stranger
Verse 2
I love the night
I sense the danger T
ouch my heart
Hold on, hold on to me
I live for love
I love completely
Take my heart Oh, set me free
Pre-Chorus 2
I could be your fantasy
Take me there in your arms
We could be in ecstasy tonight
It’s only one night
Chorus 2
Give my heart away To a stranger
Take my love
Take my life
Give my heart away To a stranger
Bridge
Hear me, Hear me
Hear my heartbeat, Hear my heartbeat
Hear me, Hear me
Hear my heartbeat, Hear my heartbeat
Chorus 3
I feel alive
Feel alive again
Gave my heart away To a stranger
I feel alive
Feel alive again
Gave my heart away To a stranger
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Very good...sounds like you know exactly what you're doing with the genre.
Love the lead vocal and the production sounds super to me. Very nice harmonies too.
The tune really grew on me as it went along as well...a very enjoyable listen :)
End works a treat too. Cool.
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Not really my thing, but liked it. The singing and production sound great. Great set of lyrics.
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Hi,
Music production is very good, melody lines also very very good. Vocals are just great! Lyrics for me are confusing and very unclear. I listened to it a few times but still do not know what the songs message is?
So for me i would re think your lyrics because once you get them sorted this song will shine!
Johnny :)
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Thanks Johnny
I agree there is some confusion in the lyrics.
I think in retrospect the first verse, in particular, does not set the scene as well as it could.
Thanks for your feedback.
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Well maybe you should enter this one into next year's Eurovision, it's definitely Euro-pop family! Your voice is just fabulously suited to this genre and you do very well with your vocal flexing and all the subtle nuances, plus the harmonies are spot on.
I'm not thinking that I'd need to be overly analytical of the lyrics - it's a pure pop song and its main strength is its catchiness and your solid execution.
The only thing is that you are slightly wrong side of 4 mins here, and maybe these things need to be a bit shorter - although I'm certainly no expert. Good one anyway! ;)
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Really nice bit of production and a catchy tune to boot. Really enjoyed it.
If I had any constructive comments I would say the arrangement is on single level too much of the time. There are times you add drums but it stills feels the same frequencies and volume are present throughout.
I think the intro is way too long and should trim it down for a classical pop song. The ending is a little out of place too. I know the bass is playing elements it has before but it seems to depart from the rest of the song.
I would try and drop the bass out much more to get the difference in frequencies and try some buildup effects pre-chorus (risers, tight drum loops to get that EDM intensity) to make the chorus really arrive and feel like a new-level.
Only knit picking because I think it's a top tune and really super work. :D
Great stuff.
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Really catchy pop tune with great performance and production, not really my style but a good listen.
Well done, Mikey
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Nice catchy song. My only bugbear was that at times I was expecting you to start giving it some oomph (approaching the chorus) ready to really give it some welly in the chorus - but you went the opposite way. My musical brain was then having to play catch up so lost a little of the feel of the tune.
But that's just my teenager-in-the-eighties appreciation. Once I've heard it a few more times and got over that I'm sure I'll like it even more. ;)
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Nicely done.
It's not my genre of choice but this is a fine display of enviable skills.
I like the lead melody, everything seems very up front.
Well done.
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Lots of energy going on here - seems you know how to get us moving...
I would have to say that the lyrics didn't quite convey to me the (more interesting?) story in your intro, but that's not really what this one is about.
Not my genre really but appreciate how it's put together. I think I would have lingered longer - probably until "believe" before introducing the kick etc. - but by then the floor may have cleared and as the DJ I would be getting my coat (or P45)!
The harmonies and other vocals really add a lot. Very nice!
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Very nice song, I also like it mastering wise.
Great job.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Pretty exquisite pop.
I didn't think I'd like it at first... it sounded like something they play in my local gym at first, that kind of high-energy over-processed stuff... but pretty soon I was really drawn in, especially when the snares get more prominent towards the end. You've got some very hooky vocal touches in there, especially when the vocalist reaches up in her range.
It's not my genre of choice but none the less had me a bit spellbound.
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Yep, you've nailed the Eurovision genre spot on and it's very well done. It's a catchy little number for sure.
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Hi, not really my genre but its very nicely written and produced and there are some nice chord changes in there too! Nice singing, enjoyed the harmonies.
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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You nailed the genre - sounds very pro.
not a genre I listen to, but I thought most current pop uses more echo effects and hard auto-tune on the vox than this. The vox are great BTW - I just wanted some more pizzaz effects-wise.
Paul
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Hi
neat tune, catchy.
All topped off with very effective vocals which sound slightly alienated and fir brilliantly with the genre.
And then it builds to repeating epic ending. Smart
:)
neil
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You're right this is a real Eurovision song.
A modern song that would easily get into today's charts.
Excellent vocals and cool production.
A good listen.
Sandeep
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Hope I'm not too blunt...
I like the potential in this song. It is catchy.
Luv the voice.
The song's beginning was quit fresh, but it kept a bit hanging were it was. There was little movement within the songs construction. And especially in the chorus I was hoping for some , i don't know, explosion?
Or maybe that wasn't your goal.
And the pattern the chords you use do remind me a bit of Robyn. But that's maybe why I would use some higher notes in your pattern as well. I don't know if I explained myself allright?
And from the moment You sing 'take my love' I would change the percussion somehow.
If you listen to Dancing on my own from 'robyn' or maybe take 'hang with me'... You will know what I mean...hopefully.
That's just my idea to get the full potential I see in it.
I liked the end part a lot. Maybe You could use that idea more in the song?
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I can imagine dancing to this. I think the lyrics work, they have a poetry to them. I wonder whether that's important in a euro-pop song.
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Good piece of catchy synth pop, all the pieces in the right place. Rhythm, chord changes and vocals combining to make you want to taps your toes and head to the dance floor.
glad I listened.
:)
neil
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Thanks to everyone for their feedback on this track so far...really appreciate it.
Recognise its not every ones cup of tea style wise..
Personally, I've always felt that chords and melody are what make a great song...not production..thats just the final veneer. I could imagine any song I write being performed/produced in almost any style. I could certainly hear this song being performed in a fairly heavy rock style.
In any case, I thought I'd post the stripped back version that perhaps gives the chords and melody more space and room to breathe in the hope that it might have further appeal.
Anyway, thanks again..greatly appreciate your thoughts.