The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on September 12, 2019, 10:31:13 AM
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Our star once shone so brightly!
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/i-had-to-go-high-balanced
I had to go
Someone tell the universe my heart is dead.
Perhaps she'll launch a fire ball into space.
I couldn't keep the pace.
Someone say a prayer to guide her home tonight.
The moon will not suffice to light her way.
I tried so hard to stay
I had to go.
Someone pour a whiskey in this shattered glass
before I drink to leave this mess behind.
This world is so unkind.
Someone send a ticket to my wretched soul;
destination, 'any place but here.'
We cried a well of tears.
I had to go.
I had to go.
You're waking up to salted waves of pain.
No ordinary mermaid , a waterfall will cascade from your eyes.
I hope you find a way to love again.
I hope you find a way to love again.
I had to go.
Written by Paul Vasey September 2019
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/i-had-to-go-high-balanced
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Hi Paul, love the simplicity of the ac guitar and vocal. The bareness of it touched the correct buttons alongside the heartfelt vocal. The chord structure is right up my strasse, not at all predictable but still coherent and melodic. 8)
Nice one, it's brave to post a song as personal as this. :'(
Cheers
Jamie
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This is a lovely piece of music Paul. Packed full of emotion and yearning. I love the simple arrangement, some lovely chord progressions. It just works so well as it is. Excellent stuff
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Lovely delicate guitar picking in this Paul and I like the simplicity of the production, it's very 'naked' which suits the lyrics. The lyrics I liked too, the fireball line especially, but they are very bleak... Maybe that's how you were feeling when you wrote them, but as a listener I found the cumulative effect of the bleakness risked slipping them into melodrama by the "waterfall" line... maybe a little bit of ambivalence or a hint of sunshine amongst the darkness might balance them a bit more. (I hope it is OK to say that, just a personal opinion). I do like them though and well done on a four word chorus - that fits so well! It's like you're drawing a conclusion, and it contrasts superbly with the more wordy verses.
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This started out life as a very slow song but gathered momentum to encompass so many different emotions. . I wrote it a couple of days ago and then recorded it in little more than a single take this morning. @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125), there's a few jazz influenced chords in there. i just followed my ears and hey presto. I was going to produce this and probably will but it seemed so complete in it's current format.
It's a heartbreaking song and communicates my feelings in the most honest way possible. A number of my recently written songs have reduced me to tears and I kind of think that ensures real honesty.
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) I'm just grateful that you have listened to this song. It's a plea to the universe to say that my heart is dead after recent troubles. I envisaged the universe responding in anger, throwing a fireball across the skies. It's about knowing that a break up hurts two people and sending out a prayer to keep someone safe whilst apologising for leaving. I thought perhaps if the whiskey was poured into a shattered glass that would not hold the alcohol then it couldn't be drank, and feelings would therefore be felt rather than masked. It's a yearning to escape pain : Someone send a ticket to my wretched heart, destination "any place but here".
The mermaid line is a little difficult to understand. The mythical creature that lures the sailor to the rocks, who's heart has also been broken and therefore her tears will cascade. I thought perhaps that extending the wish "I hope you find the strength to love again." is a declaration of at leat some kind of love and it might help to process my own very bleak feelings.
@pompey, I should produce this song and then offer it over to The Reflections if you would like to get on board with more of those lovely backing vocals.
I guess I'm using my music as a cathartic tool/process to deal with some raw emotions. I think that is the true value of writing for me at the moment.
Thank you gentlemen!
Paul
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Such emotion in the delivery - heartbreaking sentiments beautifully described. Guitar is lovely. @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) - powerful stuff!
K
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Paul,
really cool track, all the better for its simplicity and brevity.
I love the intimacy of the guitar with some great chord changes but you let the vocals and brutally honest lyrics shine through.
:-)
neil
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820), thank you so much for listening and taking time to comment on this song :-)
Paul
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856), I'm really pleased that you get this song. The vocal was done in a single take. apart from the last section which I got on the second attempt. I'm happy with that as I didn't want to destroy the emotion by taking several attempts. It is a heartbreaking song. To be honest it takes hold of my mood and literally leaves me flat each time I listen. I couldn't be more any more honest about the loss experienced in this song. The sad thing is, I have 10 songs, a full album written about about the stages of a break up, all waiting to be recorded. They really are all heartbreaking.
Thank you my friend!
Paul
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I love this to bits. No point in me rambling any further.
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I can't do any nitpicking with this. I think today was the perfect day for me to listen, as it fits my mood to a T. Different situation, same basic mood. And it inspires me, and I want to do some writing now.
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A fine song
I wish I had the peace of mind to do something like this.
An inspiring piece of work.
Sounds very sincere.
I can't find fault with it at all.
Well done.
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Hi!
Very emotional piece. "We cried a well of tears" sits perfectly with the melody and and in my opinion the song peaks there.
Nice one!
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Paul - an old theme but some very original ways of expressing it: someone send a ticket... no ordinary mermaid... Possibly the whiskey line is a bit more well trodden and so less effective (but no less true, I feel).
The one line chorus really sums it all up, very memorable and transmits what you were (are) feeling.
It's great.
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Sweet work Paul,can't wait to hear it's Reflection! ;D
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Hi Paul,
The guitar sounds great. Pure and delicate tone.
Works well with the vocal.
Vocal is delivered very well and with sincerity.
Simple, but very effective.
Digger
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@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823), @skub, @caliomoko, @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124), @t.wretborn (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22159), @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219), @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - thank you so much for your wonderful positive feedback. I've been absent from the forum for a couple of weeks, whilst I wrestled with both work commitments and something quite wonderful that has begun in my life so it was lovely to return to your lovely reviews.
Paul