The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on May 07, 2020, 01:10:07 PM
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Hi All, a new song for your perusal. All constructive criticism welcome! This song is about those people who think they know everything and appear to have a God given right to get to the top, in this case I'm thinking about the workplace. We've all met them.....
I decided to develop the song with an instrumental ending to symbolise the battle.It's sort of symphonic with counter melodies and orchestral build and rocks out at the end. :P ::) ;)
All constructive comments welcome 8) ;D
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/let-the-battle-commence
Let the battle commence
So you think you know everything
Let me tell you it isn't so
And when you thought you'd got to the top
Theres another mountain to climb
What makes you think that you're better than me
Act as if it all comes so, so naturally
Just when you thought, you'd won the war
Another battle comes along
You can't be as calm as you seem to be
Maybe your just better at hiding it than me
An attack is the beat defence
I am ready let the battle commence
Do you want what you need, or something else
Do you need what you want, or something else
You can't be as calm as you seem to be
Maybe your just better at hiding it than me
All songs copyright Jamie Allan
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I don't have much for criticism. Maybe find a way to eliminate the word "that" in the fifth line? I'm a fan of only using necessary words, although sometimes an extra word is needed....
I like the sound of it. That's all I can think of.
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You certainly are in a rich vein of form at the moment @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Loved the feel of this, the breakdown sections in particular where you drop the drums are lush and the way you pick up after the solo is fabulous indeed. Another top quality piece of work from you man :)
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Hi Jamie, as PJ states you really are in good form at the moment, a very enjoyable and original sounding song with great vocals. I liked the lyrics and yes we have all come across people like this at work. I wasnt sure about the ending at first but I have listened to it a couple of times now and it does grow on you.Cheers
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Lovely stuff, Jamie.
Sounds really great...and the instrumental outro is fabulous.
Lyrically...yeah...we all know their type!
I've always looked at the workplace (and the world) and thought that the "top" is somewhere I've no wish to be. Fortunately, I had all the skills necessary to get precisely nowhere anyway :)
Keep them coming!
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - As PJ says, a rich vein indeed, I keep thinking of your Korg Kronos, such a great machine.
A great end of side 2 song, you've really tidied up you production, much more space and clever placement, Vocals shine.
Nice work, and well arranged, an epic outro...symphonic indeed, and like the pitch bend stuff always was sucker for that..
Phew out of breath now...
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Excellent work Jamie. From 1st minute to last the way it shifts & builds is tremendous & super melodies. Congratulations.
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Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) , your voice really cuts through so sweetly in this, and the melodic repetition certainly sticks in your head. That kick ass outro is a great musical companion for the biting lyrics, that I can certainly relate to and really works.
Nice quiet contrast at the end is the final treat. Very impressive mate!
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I notice the spammers hitting on your track Jamie,it's funny how all these tossers promising fame and fortune are devoid of the same themselves. ;D I delete and block the twats.
Anyway.
I hear a bit of classic Tears for Fears in this one. Beautifully crafted and played man.
Love the big full sound.
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Hi all thanks for listening!
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) Hi Vicki, you should have heard some of the earlier drafts of lyrics :o :D :D. Glad you enjoyed it though....
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Hi John,you're too kind 8)Glad you enjoyed it. Yes I think my drum tracks have been improving over the last 6/12 months.
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) Hi, glad you enjoyed it and persevered with the outro! Thanks!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Hi Paul, Love your comments, they always make me laugh! People like that are everywhere, I just happened to be thinking of a some people I have worked with who actually ended up working for me ;D ;D ;D 8).Glad you liked the outro too.
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi thanks for listening!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) Hi Rich, thanks for the placement tips, I used them on the instrumental section especially and I too thought it added a lot of depth and 'air'. Glad you enjoyed it!
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) Hi, great comments, really appreciated, thanks!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Hi M,super comments, all appreciated! I thought the quiet bit on the end adds to the pathos of the 'after battle'. ::) ;)
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) Hi Davy, yes occasionally I get 'spammed' didn't know you could delete and block them, but I know now ;). Tears for fears is unexpected, but they're a great band, so I'll take it! Thanks again.
Thanks all, it's always appreciated!
Cheers
Jamie
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
Your song has all the components that create interest and desire to continue listening. I love the lyrics, wanting or not they describe that great wheel in which we all go, each with his moment.
I like the instrumental part, it reminds me of other times, something that I appreciate. Maybe I would balance treble and treble mids a bit with a little more bass, it's a suggestion of mine, nothing more.
Mora
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Love the song, Jamie....your vocals are really quite good.
Good songwriting, good performances, and a very good production = a great sound
Kudos,
-Tom
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Hi Jamie,
Like the tonality in your voice and also nice song structure and dynamics. The different sections of the song provide a variation yet works very well together. The outro is very nice (paritcularly the piano 2:25 and 3:18 part, some of the other pieces of the outro could be shortened if you want it more of a pop song lenght). Great work, enjoyed it!
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Good sound and interesting arrangement Jamie..background synths have a lorra low end in em though..fighting with the bass..vox stands out well and good lyrics flow nicely in a non-pop arrangement, this is good mate!
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Hi Jamie,
Big production, great vocals and plenty to keep the attention of the listener. Very professional sounding and I love the last instrumental play out section - that is beautifully arranged. No criticism from me - cracking track(again).
M
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Well I really like the instrumental part - it has a great mood to it... kind of light and dark at the same time (yes, that sounds like utter crap but I know what I mean :) ).. The piano part at the very end is gorgeous, perfect way to end it - I was wondering how you'd take it out.. vocals, performance, production all sound on point to me.. Hit replay once it ended... (Oh and I could also hear the TFF flavour and I lOVE them!)
K
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It's all been said - great track!
I love the vocals and the guitar going nuts there at the end ;D
Your stuff is becoming more accessible lately IMHO
Quality work :D
Paul
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Hi guys, thanks for listening!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, always love your cryptic, lateral thinking on your reviews, very intense....Glad you enjoyed it!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
Hi Tom, great comments, thanks very much, on the vocals.....I try ;). Glad you like the songwriting!
@OleAnders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22023) Hi, enjoyed your comments about the structure and dynamics, as I've been working on that part of the recording process (see my comments in the Writing section 'Revelation')Pleased you enjoyed it!
Cheers guys thanks for taking the time to comment
Jamie
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
Hi Kev, I like a 'good' comment from you! ;D Still to achieve your and others on this forum's technical and production expertise, but.... I try :P
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan, well you did surprise me, I thought you'd say the opposite about the instruments elements :P,as I've said many times, what do I know? Great comments, really appreciated !
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen,By TFF did you mean Foo Fighters? I love them too! When I had my covers band at one time we were mostly a Foo Fighters tribute act ;D. I know what you mean about the passive aggressive thing, I get it! Lovely comments Karen, it's appreciated!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Hi Paul, OK Maybe it all has been said, but I'm an artist and need my ego stroked, tell me again, and again.... ;D ;D ;D ;D.Glad you liked it and yes it's not very often I let loose with my Les Paul, but I thought it needed to break from the pseudo symphonic bits. I think I know what you mean about accessibility, I think my arrangements and structures have become much more coherent, see my comments in the Writing section ref 'Revelation". Thanks again Paul!
Cheers guys thanks for taking the time to listen it's appreciated!
Jamie
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Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) no - Tears for Fears - someone else referenced them (looking back I see it was Skub). Should have typed those extra letters but then I wouldn’t have got that insight into you and the other TFF (who I also really like....).
K
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, you’re right I should have realised from Skubs comment what you meant ::) :P ;D
Yes The other TFF are great too!
;D
Cheers
Jamie
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Really like this - nice and rocky - but great light and shade with those moments where everything almost pauses. Sounds like you had fun at the end - the brass is great and the guitars super, takes us to the battle...
And a really good theme. Maybe "the office" will never be the same again, but the politics will still be the hardest thing I am sure.
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@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Hi Adam, yes office politics is a good theme for this behaviour, unfortunately it also occurs in other walks of life ::). As Karen said earlier I was trying to get the feeling of light/dark, passive/aggressive thing going, seems like I may have got there ::) :P. Yes the instrumental was great fun to do. How to make something interesting enough to fit with the song. Also I wanted to try to get towards a symphonic feel with the strings and brass 8). Glad you enjoyed it!
Cheers
Jamie