[Paulski]

Hi guys

This was written to a brief - actually for a local contest.
Well, then I ignored most of the brief's suggs so its not likely to win
Regardless, it was fun to do and is based on a true story
Many timing issues need sorting - but is there anything else that doesn't work?

thx
Paul

https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/the-heart-of-stewart-park/s-nW19p

The Heart of Stewart Park
Copyright © 2015 Tennyson Road Music

Summer's smile had disappeared
November's eyes sprinkled a tear
Remember us? Teenaged friends
Skipping class, out of grade ten?

We took a drive - it wasn't far
To the heart of Stewart park

By the creek, in the mist
A brush of a cheek became a kiss
That river's love pulsed through our blood
Flowing in and flowing out

Of the heart of Stewart park
You held my hand, We took a walk
Forever love - would get its start
In the heart of Stewart park

Love flows in
And Love flows out
Love flows in
And Love flows out

In the heart of Stewart park
Take someone's hand, Go for a walk
Maybe love - will get a start
In the heart of Stewart park

In the heart - Love flows in
Of Stewart park - Love flows out

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Paulski. This is great  I love the chord progressions, acoustic is brill. Voice excellent (Neil  and I really thought the drop out Queen type stuff was interesting. Oh yes I forgot the old organ sound. I have been experimenting with some organ vsts. Amazing what's out there. Only one suggestion is to have some descending strings although that might kill it. Just an idea anyway. You always come up with some great new stuff.

Cheers 🍻
John

[shadowfax]

Hi Paul, for me the rock guitar doesn't work..I think i would introduce the piano earlier and basically keep it simple..don't think it needs the drums either...

best, kevin

[adamfarr]

Hi there - love the story and the "in and out" line... 

I wonder if the backing is a bit too dark and foreboding - I was half expecting ghosts, teenage pregnancy, shotgun-weilding fathers or some other life-ruining drama. I could be missing the point entirely, and call me cliched, but if it's really about sex and love (also dramatic but in a different way?!) then maybe the strings or other uplifting vibe could take us there more directly?!

You rarely do things by accident so as I say I may be missing the point, and I don't know whether Stewart Park has any other significance, so I might not be getting what you were going for...

Hurrah for not following the brief !

[den]

hi paul, really hate to critique this song because it is really good, reminds me of paul simon in the bridge over troubled water era.
By the creek, in the mist
A brush of a cheek became a kiss
That river's love pulsed through our blood
Flowing in and flowing out
I would lose the screaming guitar and replace with the piano you use later in the song.
I don't think the backing vocal in this section works at all.
I would turn the volume of the vocal down it takes too much away from the quality of the gentle subject of the song.
loved the song, as I do all your songs, but I do feel this section just loses its way a bit and takes a lot away from the rest of the song which flows so well.
I do hope you take these comments as helpful, i love the song, just thought that particular section lost its way a bit.

[PaulAds]

hi Paul

your usual top quality vocals and piano...

it's a lovely start - verses and acoustic guitar are fab...and then i thought it did kind of meander off into a slightly darker place where it didn't really need to...it shows your versatility off nicely, but towards the end, i found myself missing the sweeter kind of stuff you normally spoil us with.

i think the finished version will be excellent, though

[Frenchy]

Hi Paul,

Some melodic delights in this song verse and chorus, lyrics and theme come through really well.
I have an issue with the short first chorus, initially I thought it was a pre-chorus but somehow didn't sound like one so It confused me somewhat and destracted my attention from the story and melody. i would probably write a very short pre-chorus just to build and then lead into that superb chorus. The rest of the song is great, I love the bridge which takes us to another place.

Nice one, great potential this song !

Bravo, Bon travail !

Frenchy

[Neil C]

Paul,
I think it all pretty much works as a song. Love the melody to the descending verses and rhythm you have there in particular. Thoughts: on the choruses I was kinda of wondering if you could have moved to a less predictable chord progression. And in terms of arrangement I really like the delicate start which seems to suit the subject matter and then it comes in for me a bit too heavy too soon as a power ballad, although I think thats where i could end in a repeating outro, so I'd keep it 'lighter' for longer but thats just personal taste - although I did enjoy the guitars  And as mentioned strings.
Good luck with the competition too.
 
 Neil   

[Paulski]

Hey guys - sorry for the delay in responding - and happy new year!

@pompeyjazz

Hey John and thanks for the encouragement. I ran out of time and submitted this as is, but maybe look at adding more strings in the unlikely event that I make the final cut (they're choosing top 6 in the contest

@shadowfax

Hi Kevin - yeah - the heavy guitar is not going to be everyone's cuppa for this. Maybe like Neil says it comes in too early so it jars. Must admit I like it for the mood I was trying to project Thx for commenting!

@adamfarr

Cheers Adam - a bit too dark eh? I wanted it a bit spooky, or rather "supernatural" as though the park is a lifeform (with a heart) but maybe I went a bit OTT

@den

Hi den - thanks so much for the kind words and honest feedback! I'll take a paul simon comparison any day! Agree vocals are a bit forward and will prob take your advice when/if I remix this.

@PaulAds

Thanks Paul - nice to get your POV and thx for the nice comment on piano/vocals. The song does tend to move around a bit, but hey I can't be sweet and simple all the time! Well, I can be simple

@Frenchy

Bonjour Frenchy and thanks for listening and commenting. I'm a big fan of the half chorus and seldom write a prechorus but I get where you're coming from. I try to get to the hook inside 60 secs and this one just made it w/o a prechorus. But maybe I should have broken that rule this time

@Neil C

Thanks Neil - think you've hit the nail on the head - too heavy too early. And I like your idea of a less conventional chord prog in the chorus. Done in a hurry - that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Great feedback everyone - if I get a chance to remix this all will be taken on board !

cheers
Paul