The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Maya Clars on November 18, 2021, 03:11:23 PM
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Hello everyone! :) 3 weeks have passed since My music video upload... Recently I created another song!! :) So, as the tradition, I'll share the song with the music video. Please feel free to say anything about this! :)
Thank you in advance
LYRICS
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na na, na-na na
Na-na na
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na na, na-na na
Na-na na na-na-na
Didn't you do it without a warning?
Skeptical theories, that's what I've gotten
As if on a chessboard I was a pawn
In the scariest movie, you were a clown
Now it's the time of two
I choose the role you took
Impossible to hide the truth
You are the weakest
Between us two
Between us two
I'm lack of my blood
It is expired
I made myself blue, caused the fire
Accept the attitude I've got from my father
We are the candors
We know all liars
Now it's the time of two
I choose the role you took
Impossible to hide the truth
You are the weakest
Between us two
Between us two
We know all liars
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really good
lyrics are ambiguous in meaning, that's good too.
just a nudge in the right direction.
I like your output. Rock on!
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I admire the work that you are producing @Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) You are able to produce a very modern sound. It reminded me of some Billy Eilish stuff with the sparse reverb treated vocals and electro backing. Keep up the good work as you have lots of talent 👏
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Ahh! :) Thank you very very much! this song was inspired by the book "Divergent", so this is why it has this dark atmosphere. Thank you! :)
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
I'm so happy you like the lyrics! :) Thank you so much! :)
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Brilliant @Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) Your songs are the most current and relevant to today's music scene on here. I'm impressed every time I hear them. Keep it up.
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Hi Hello, Nice to meet you. I really think your video was simple but very creative your vocals were in my opinion great. Nice piano. If it was you who did the production yourself I love it.
The song is very pleasant to listen to, I'll give you a 8 score (Song).
I like your style.
Irwin
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Hola @Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624)
It's a wonderful song, and a wonderful vid!!
I really enjoyed listening and watching!!! Big kissssssss
Mora
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Your creativity is quite special, I found myself completely taken in as I was
listening & watching your music! really enjoyed this, the dark mood created
A sense of mystery, vocals sound amazing (as always!) and the melody works
perfect for this piece. well done! congrats on another really good song & video!
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I'm really sorry but this doesn't work for me - I don't mean to be negative but I think as a young songwriter and musician finding your own USP is so important and this has too many shades of Billy Eilish for me. I find your lyrics a little confusing sort of part pop part dark and they clashed uncomfortably for me. I hope you don't take this criticism too harsh it as after all only my opinion and I am nowhere near your target demographic so really my opinion isn't that valid. You have time on your side to develop in to a truly unique artist and I'm sure you will. I wish you every success in the future
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Hi Maya,
Very cool.
As others have mentioned, you're probably more in tune with the modern scene than any of the rest of us on here, but I also hear some great, early/mid 80s synth - made me think of Black Celebration era Depeche Mode (which I love).
Great vocal delivery and top notch production.
A winner for me.
Digger
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@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823)
Hello! :) Sorry for my late reply, I was sick for a long time, but now I'm good :)
Ahh, I really love the dark vibe in music sometimes, really wanted to try this one. Thank you so much for your kind words! Happy you liked the song :)
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@4Below (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22838)
Hello! :) I'm sorry for my late reply (Was sick for a while).
Thank you so much for your opinion! Sure sure, I understand that everyone has their own opinion :)
But surely I cannot hide that I love Billie's work, so maybe just unintentionally :)
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@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448)
Hey! :) I'm sorry for not replying back! I've been sick for a while...
Aaa, that's so cool that you felt as you're taken into the listening and watching! I really wanted to make the song that will make you feel like the main character of the song story :) Thank you so so much for your thoughts! :)
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hello-hello! :) I'm sorry for my late reply... I was sick for a while.
Very-very happy you like this song too! :)) Thank you so so much!!
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@irwin (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19439)
Hello! :) Sorry for my late reply, I was sick for quite a long time...
Nice to meet you too! :) Thank you so so much for your thoughts! :) Yep yep, I do the production of my songs, so enjoying the process for me.
Thank you so much again! :)
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@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588)
Hello! :) I'm sorry for my late response, I was sick for a long time.
Ahh, that's so flattering to know! :) Thank you so so so much!! I'm very happy to hear it
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@Maya Lars
This is an absolute gem; a work of art. Who knows where your talent will take you. Perhaps you will fly and become a huge recording star. If not, take great satisfaction in your achievements as an amazing songwriter. This is melancholic, and sinister. Above all it demonstrates your ability as a melody writer. It communicates great depth of thought and highlights the skill of a great writer at work, Whatever your secrete, take great care to always write with the nitegrity that you grace this forum with
Paul
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I think this was very skillfully done. Great singing, video and production. Lyrics are also strong. Could the song be even better if the synth tapping notes in the background had a slightly different sound maybe? Anyway really talented work.
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Hi Maya, very atmospheric track... moody, a bit unsettling & dark, as is the video (that doll with the crosses for eyes! Spooky!). I liked it, not really as a "pop" song but I don't think that's what you were going for... more as a cool piece of atmospheric indie... I could imagine it soundtracking a dystopian TV drama or a Scandi-noir thriller... Creative & compelling - well done.
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Hi Maya,
Well I have to say that I'm very impressed by your obvious talent, even though I don't usually like the modern pop on the radio these days, this song
give me hope :) You have a lovely voice and the song/video is obviously professionally produced. Do you do all your own production/recording or is it done in a studio? Either way, it's lovely :)