[hofnerite]

Here's another song from my distant past (2001) Again, sorry about the recording quality (Tape 4 track) and vocals etc, I think we were going through the Oasis phase at the time!
I always thought this had possible potential if done much slower/acoustically and with someone who has a singing voice, maybe I'll get around to it one day.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9858874

When I was young I'd watch the sky
Waiting for things that never came
But now I found that you remember me
And that I'm feeling just the same

Maybe I've seen her
Maybe I've been her ( )
Maybe I've looked her in the eye
I'll get my shoes on
'Cos I need a move on
'Cos I need her in my life

A thousand dreams may come to comfort me
But you're still playing on my mind
You'll never know what you have done to me
Someone like you is hard to find

And long ago before I found myself
I'd find my way with words you say
But days have gone and I am on the shelf
Yeah, don't take it all away

[Schavuitje]

I see what you mean about the "Oasis" phase 
It's a good song though despite being Oasis-like haha
It's catchy and well constructed. This time I agree... partly... about the vocals.
You have a good voice in parts and in the other parts I really think that it is just your lack of confidence, about your voice, that is stopping you from sounding really good throughout the whole song. It needs to be higher in the mix and you need to, in parts, put a bit more power and feeling into what you are singing. Your voice is good but I can hear that sometimes you back off a little. Be a bit less self conscious about your vocals because when you do give it some meat you sound really good

[hofnerite]

Thanks Schavuitje  , and I agree about the vocals. Bear in mind though they were recorded 9 years ago and (I think) I am better nowadays, also I have far too much reverb and EQ going on there, too much FX in general I think!

Hopefully I get around to recording some new stuff soon to show you what I can do now, I just have a business and two young children in the way of me and my recording studio!

[tone]

I also think you were going through an Oasis phase! There's quite a strong sense of them in this song. It's quite a catchy tune, and has a nice feel to it.

The second half of the chorus has a slightly uncomfortable change in it for me. I can't put my finger on it. The chorus begins with a strong progression from major to maj7 to min7 etc, but then sort of loses its way till the last chord. If the first chord is C have you tried going to D7 for the 'cos I need a move on' line? Just a thought.

The song definitely has potential though - would love to hear a tweaked version

[hofnerite]

I also think you were going through an Oasis phase! There's quite a strong sense of them in this song. It's quite a catchy tune, and has a nice feel to it.

The second half of the chorus has a slightly uncomfortable change in it for me. I can't put my finger on it. The chorus begins with a strong progression from major to maj7 to min7 etc, but then sort of loses its way till the last chord. If the first chord is C have you tried going to D7 for the 'cos I need a move on' line? Just a thought.

The song definitely has potential though - would love to hear a tweaked version

Thanks Tone!
If I remember rightly, the chorus was a bit of a mashup of "it's not the end of the world" by Super Furry Animals and "Strawberry Fields Forever" and I agree there are too many chords in there for it to flow.

[Dutchbeat]

You nailed that oasis feeling

and song writing!!!!


Dutchbeat

the recording (tecnically) however is not very good

[Paul]

Hi Hofnerite,

It's clear that Oasis have been a huge influence on your writing and recording style.  I'd like to hear this song recorded again with a very different approach.  Perhaps using a new selection of musical instruments, maybe acoustic guitar and an array of software instruments of your choice.  Let your song breath a little more by using less effects as you have great songwriting talent.  Let it shine through!

Best,

Paul

[hofnerite]

Hi Hofnerite,

It's clear that Oasis have been a huge influence on your writing and recording style.  I'd like to hear this song recorded again with a very different approach.  Perhaps using a new selection of musical instruments, maybe acoustic guitar and an array of software instruments of your choice.  Let your song breath a little more by using less effects as you have great songwriting talent.  Let it shine through!Best,
Paul

Thanks for your comments, it's comments like that which encourage me not to jack in the songwriting!
Oasis were a big influence at the time but I have grown up a little and really gone off all that fuzz and overdrive. I am much more into gentle acoustic and more of a minimalist approach nowadays. Hopefully that will be reflected in my new stuff when I finally get around to recording some (2 kids and a business are getting in the way a little!)

Thanks Dutchbeat also. Much appreciated.

[Bad Robot]

Yep I am getting Oasis too when you hit the chorus. Nice to hear some warm tape. I think you have a really strong commercial song here, I think the chorus is really really catchy. I think you should rehash and do a new 2010 recording. I think the verse needs a bit more work, nothing major, maybe a small break or a coulple of differing fills, But overall I would buy this using real money. Id love to work on this, please give me that chorus lol

[hofnerite]

Yep I am getting Oasis too when you hit the chorus. Nice to hear some warm tape. I think you have a really strong commercial song here, I think the chorus is really really catchy. I think you should rehash and do a new 2010 recording. I think the verse needs a bit more work, nothing major, maybe a small break or a coulple of differing fills, But overall I would buy this using real money. Id love to work on this, please give me that chorus lol

Thanks Bad Robot, it means a lot! I will do my best to get around to re-recording this at some point. Cheers.

[Bad Robot]

Yep I am getting Oasis too when you hit the chorus. Nice to hear some warm tape. I think you have a really strong commercial song here, I think the chorus is really really catchy. I think you should rehash and do a new 2010 recording. I think the verse needs a bit more work, nothing major, maybe a small break or a coulple of differing fills, But overall I would buy this using real money. Id love to work on this, please give me that chorus lol

Thanks Bad Robot, it means a lot! I will do my best to get around to re-recording this at some point. Cheers.

You must, its the law lol

[Schavuitje]

lol 

[Dutchbeat]

Yes, I agree with Bad Robot

it is obliged to re-record this, Hofnerite, and air the new version on songwriterforum first!
 

[madferit]

Mad fer it such a powerful song

[Songsmith]

I am glad to say that I am not like the rest of the world as I think Oasis are crap.

I would buy your song over theirs anyday. I preferred your other stuff so far!!!

Just being honest